When a person decides to change himself or with the help of psychology or therapist, in the process he has to meet a few unpleasant moments. Those. without this in any way.
One of them is to take responsibility for what happens in our lives. About the responsibility I have already written in the text of proactivity. However, before you start doing it regularly you should always make the first move.
What does it mean to take responsibility?
For many, this is equivalent to the determination of guilt. Those. if I take the responsibility, I admit then that was wrong and guilty that I have something in my life is not so, in fact, it follows that I should be punished.
Here everything is easily confused with the legal definition of responsibility. Here responsibility involves "personal characteristics of the person, which describes its ability to thoroughly analyze the situation, to predict the consequences of (the entire complex consequences) of their actions or omissions in a given situation and to choose the form of their actions with a willingness to accept the consequences of choosing as the inevitable fact." < br>
In general, many people refuse responsibility for the events that occur in their lives, it is because of "determining guilt and punishment" that should follow it. And since it is quite normal to seek to avoid the bad experiences people prefer to avoid responsibility for what happens to them. They place it on the other, and even determine the guilt of other people for the problems in their own lives.
In fact, to a person waives responsibility in his life did not happen, he is trying to push out. Why? Because the bad things in life reduces self-esteem. All, of course know that "bad things happen to good people," but nevertheless, if you listen to human opinion, nothing bad ever happens just like that. Increasingly, you can hear that "the fool". Yes, of course, everything that happens is part of your participation, but participation is not always negative. Some of the things happening to us completely neutral, but there are people who are inclined to paint them in black color and write yourself a verdict. Either they believe that such a verdict must be issued and therefore it is better to avoid this by any means.
The situation with the disclaimer often come with features of perfectionism. When something does not work, it is quite a serious failure for the perfectionist. However, even if in fact a failure, there is no such. The failure may be that the situation is not as we would like, and the people around do not arrive as expected. This feature of life, and most importantly - the ability to adjust or to look for other alternatives to implement their plans. But not for the perfectionist. There must be guilty. Whether he is guilty or others. So how to be guilty to be nice, the wine is on the outside - in people, environment, government, the position of stars, moon phases, etc.
Another reason for the refusal of responsibility, a sense of failure of their pans, plans or life principles. That is the feeling that everything is over and nothing else happens. And that it happened, only you to blame. Those. this failure - a personal catastrophe. If so something did not work, it means that not my fault, but the fault of others. Thus, the failure of the project, the man protects himself from feelings of personal failure. I did not achieve what he wanted in life? But it's not me, it bothers me.
In addition, some people find fault with the help of outside and disclaimer acquire a kind of control over the situation, give yourself the opportunity to act in a certain way. If you know who is to blame for your unpleasant feelings, and you yourself here at all and it seems that you and in this situation it is clear what to do. If a man "suggests," it is safe to give him in the eye. Sacrifice makes no sense to be dissatisfied with a black eye, because she asked for it.
Author: Natalia Stilson