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Why a child needs a father - a point of view of the therapist
First statistics
Everybody knows that in Russia a third of the families presented a single parent with a child. More than 80% of parents - mothers. That is where a quarter of children growing up without a father at all. Another third of those with whom he seems to be there, see it is extremely rare and communicate with him less than ten minutes a day. The majority of fathers (65%) - with the radical indifference. This means, simply, that they are indifferent to the child.
That is, many girls and boys as a father figure are empty. And many mothers it is reasonable to say, "Yes, why do you need it? Coping without him! "
Why do I need a father?
Why is it needed - a good and important question. Of course, the child has no need for the other parent, certainly the man. Likewise, it is not necessary that the child's biological mother is raised: if immediately after birth pass into the hands of a loving but no biological family, the disaster will not be. Paternal figure may well be replaced by a second loving adults - grandparents, godfather or other mums partner
. It is the second adult is very important for the baby!
And everything would be easier and better if in place of the second adult was good, adequate, loving dad. Which usually we do not.
What happens to a girl who does not see near the second mother of a loving, secure person? Or if the person is indifferent to it? It's very simple: it adapts. Speaking Russian tongue gets used. This family structure becomes a basic and understandable for her. Even if the mother herself this girl considers a family poor and translates it all around (for example, saying "Yes, he was a goat! Yes it is a beast," or "Your father left us," or "Yes, if I had married a normal man" and etc.), including the girl child is accustomed to this family model.
Then he can either run from it active (because it is very scary to be in such a trap), or default to build it up. This paradox is usually leads to the fact that adults, self-employed women with a man include very contradictory scenario: "I am so fragile, tender, warm, caring, JUST TRY TO DO SOMETHING IS WRONG, run away!"
What grows from scratch
Very often the client women queries about "marrying" associated with two things: the desire to be socially acceptable (to get married before thirty, have a baby, "go get married", do not be one, and so on) and great fear (he had me stop loving it I will change, I stay alone with a child, it is necessary to plow both at home and at work). It is very hard to go with a client on fear and conformity and to discuss the idea, why do we need a partner, if it is not a common occurrence trips or child.
Often due to this same man selected is:
- Indifferent (woman soon noticed a social gesture "came with flowers," than that the man was a yawn at the history of what it was trying to rob the naked bulldozer)
- Disinterested in children (he said "it would be nice to have had children ... I come home: they gave me happy", and she is happy She later learns that this is all that a man is ready to take on the children, and - in general. - all his options for the time with them)
- Neumeyuschih distinguish their needs from a couple of needs (for example, on the second or third date orders all to your taste, without asking the girl, and then also keeps the budget, buying on jointly accumulated money house on the lake at the Orsk, ignoring that his girlfriend Orsk and hates everything associated with it, after all - "it's so cool")
- Is not interested in its time and resources (at a meeting late for half an hour, without apology, and then also promises to constantly come early to pick up his son from the kindergarten, but every time - not fate; on the first date takes her phone to call, without asking and then - lays her car to the pawnshop, to start their own business)
And the girls is difficult to see how self-centered, indifferent, not interested, and sometimes openly rude and disgusting their partner - because that's exactly what they're used
. A good father (or even a grandfather or uncle) gives his daughters, understanding that a couple living in the care, love and security. All the girls who have not had such an experience, it is very important to try to catch this feeling in some other respects - at work, in friendship, in the sports team. Collect - albeit bit by bit - this puzzle. In order not to "pull the strap out of habit" - as pulled their mother and grandmother, and if you do, and enter into a relationship - is the one who will make their life really better.
Author: Adrian Imzh
Everybody knows that in Russia a third of the families presented a single parent with a child. More than 80% of parents - mothers. That is where a quarter of children growing up without a father at all. Another third of those with whom he seems to be there, see it is extremely rare and communicate with him less than ten minutes a day. The majority of fathers (65%) - with the radical indifference. This means, simply, that they are indifferent to the child.
That is, many girls and boys as a father figure are empty. And many mothers it is reasonable to say, "Yes, why do you need it? Coping without him! "
Why do I need a father?
Why is it needed - a good and important question. Of course, the child has no need for the other parent, certainly the man. Likewise, it is not necessary that the child's biological mother is raised: if immediately after birth pass into the hands of a loving but no biological family, the disaster will not be. Paternal figure may well be replaced by a second loving adults - grandparents, godfather or other mums partner
. It is the second adult is very important for the baby!
And everything would be easier and better if in place of the second adult was good, adequate, loving dad. Which usually we do not.
What happens to a girl who does not see near the second mother of a loving, secure person? Or if the person is indifferent to it? It's very simple: it adapts. Speaking Russian tongue gets used. This family structure becomes a basic and understandable for her. Even if the mother herself this girl considers a family poor and translates it all around (for example, saying "Yes, he was a goat! Yes it is a beast," or "Your father left us," or "Yes, if I had married a normal man" and etc.), including the girl child is accustomed to this family model.
Then he can either run from it active (because it is very scary to be in such a trap), or default to build it up. This paradox is usually leads to the fact that adults, self-employed women with a man include very contradictory scenario: "I am so fragile, tender, warm, caring, JUST TRY TO DO SOMETHING IS WRONG, run away!"
What grows from scratch
Very often the client women queries about "marrying" associated with two things: the desire to be socially acceptable (to get married before thirty, have a baby, "go get married", do not be one, and so on) and great fear (he had me stop loving it I will change, I stay alone with a child, it is necessary to plow both at home and at work). It is very hard to go with a client on fear and conformity and to discuss the idea, why do we need a partner, if it is not a common occurrence trips or child.
Often due to this same man selected is:
- Indifferent (woman soon noticed a social gesture "came with flowers," than that the man was a yawn at the history of what it was trying to rob the naked bulldozer)
- Disinterested in children (he said "it would be nice to have had children ... I come home: they gave me happy", and she is happy She later learns that this is all that a man is ready to take on the children, and - in general. - all his options for the time with them)
- Neumeyuschih distinguish their needs from a couple of needs (for example, on the second or third date orders all to your taste, without asking the girl, and then also keeps the budget, buying on jointly accumulated money house on the lake at the Orsk, ignoring that his girlfriend Orsk and hates everything associated with it, after all - "it's so cool")
- Is not interested in its time and resources (at a meeting late for half an hour, without apology, and then also promises to constantly come early to pick up his son from the kindergarten, but every time - not fate; on the first date takes her phone to call, without asking and then - lays her car to the pawnshop, to start their own business)
And the girls is difficult to see how self-centered, indifferent, not interested, and sometimes openly rude and disgusting their partner - because that's exactly what they're used
. A good father (or even a grandfather or uncle) gives his daughters, understanding that a couple living in the care, love and security. All the girls who have not had such an experience, it is very important to try to catch this feeling in some other respects - at work, in friendship, in the sports team. Collect - albeit bit by bit - this puzzle. In order not to "pull the strap out of habit" - as pulled their mother and grandmother, and if you do, and enter into a relationship - is the one who will make their life really better.
Author: Adrian Imzh
