Why I stopped to help people and I advise you to
company always insists on the need to help your neighbor. So do I. We are told that we have to help people just like that, and even when they do not expect. Of course, this is not wrong. Random acts of kindness can change a lot in a person's life. But every coin has a flip side. And do not hold back a possible alternative outcomes.
Life - a complex combination of good and evil. There is nothing absolutely good or absolutely bad. The poor can always find something good, and good - bad. The idea of helping people is not necessarily bad. Nor the default is good. Below, the reasons for which I personally stopped to help people, and you may, too, would be worth.
1. Cease to help people who do not deserve it h3> It is not always easy. We were taught that you need to help people. So, now we need to forget how to do it.
«As they get older, you learn that you need a hand to help themselves, and the second - to help others," Sam Levenson.
blockquote> Startups often ask me for advice. I know how hard it is to make a start - I myself developing one. And yet, I stopped to share their knowledge for free. Previously, people are constantly invited me for coffee, just to "use my brain." You have in the bank rinsed several million of venture capital money, and you want to get my expertise for free, not even paid for my tea! This is unacceptable.
They do not understand that I need to feed my family, pay bills and comply with deadlines for work. They do not understand that your time for tea with them, I then have to compensate by working up to two nights.
Today, in response to such invitation, I just call my hourly rate and pulled Square. Harsh, but it greatly simplifies my life and makes me happy. People take me more seriously. If someone my advice can not afford, I can offer another way to compensate for my time.
Rule 1: Never offer anything for free.
Rule 2: Do not forget rule 1.
When the next time you are asked to speak at the conference for free, do not settle until you agree on an acceptable fee. If the organizers can not be forked, ask in return a free booth where you could advertise your business, and free tickets to the conference. This will show how much they want to get you as a speaker.
People will always exploit you if you allow it to them. You do not have time to help all in a row. helps only those who deserve it. And the best start with yourself.
If you help someone, you feel unhappy, just do not do it. Sometimes you have to be selfish and to put their own interests priority. Ignore lifestyle that society tries to impose on you.
2. Stop helping people who do not appreciate your help h3> My greatest weakness is that I like to help people. I help whether asked me about it or not. But you never know when this way of thinking will cause you harm.
One of my former client has not fared much. My team spent several days analyzing the data to understand what the problem is. It was not our obligation and expense for that I was not present. We did it because rooting for the success of the client. As a result, we found serious flaws in its strategy and business model. We showed our customer insights, and he dismissed us on the spot.
We did a job out of compassion for the client. But we told him what he wanted to hear. We lost the contract because he was trying to help. And in the end we make a person hate us for what he expressed his professional opinion.
When I invite someone to help, I really want to help. But often people are not ready to accept it. This is normal. On the change takes time, and people do not always want to change something.
It is not necessary to give advice if people are not ready for them. One day, they can come and say that you are to blame for their failure with your advice. I stopped to help people who do not want me to help them. Less AMD more time to yourself.
3. Stop help if you can not help 100% h3> This is the most critical. In no case can not be offered to someone for help if you are not willing to provide it. I often do it and still regret.
A few years ago my parents went abroad for a month and asked me to look after the house. I have no idea how to water houseplants. Some I 'perezaleyte "and some" nedopolila. " By the time the parents returned, all the plants were dead. If asked to help someone in the room who know the flora, Dad's favorites would be alive. And I have since within gunshot to the pot are not allowed.
It is as if a blind man learned to draw. Offering unskilled help, you deprive people of the opportunity to find a better candidate. So your kindness in some cases, can also harm people. One of the easiest ways to destroy the relationship with the person - to offer him the help that you are not able to provide.
In the end, anything can end well or badly. And we all need to find the right balance between these two extremes.
Always carefully weigh the pros and cons before offering someone help. Otherwise, it can cost you time, money and relationships are important to you - professional or friendly.
Random acts of kindness can save someone's life. And sometimes destroyed.
via ain.ua/2015/12/12/620789
