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Shooting of advertising is constantly happening enormous number of cases, incidents and unexpected povorotov.O they tell friends later, already on the completion of the project, have fun laughing at the fact that almost destroyed the work. But the director Ales Kazantsev can describe "kabzdu" on the set with a stunning therapeutic effect - all start to laugh and easier to look at life and his work, tired from which even the most stubborn and in love with his life's work.

Stand-by penisuKadr this: man's hand pulled out his car keys. A man stands frontally deployed in the camera. Fineness of the belt to the bikini zone. And on fitting the director requests an actor to do this simple movement. Test. It is necessary always to do the tests. And it is good that the director got a responsible and demanded to get the keys out of his pocket, because he turns out quite a horrible thing.

The director said that the folds on the pants look blatantly vulgar. The fact is that our actor some ... probably ... much ... bigger penis. And he somehow sticks. And so the folds. And here begins again here this contact schizophrenia as adults with higher education begin to behave abnormally. Pomeroy all options pants - still terrible, just catch the eye crease. About the penis and there is no question, he just throws himself in the eye. And now do not look at the keys with the logo, and this horrible huge penis.

The discussion is in English, the actor did not vrubenshteyn, but the word penis catches. And the expression of individual realizes that his penis to anybody especially did not like here. He asks me: "What happened?" And he said? Why did you yourself had grown so huge cock? In ordinary life, in an environment of normal people and in vivo one would not be so exaggerate the penis, so it was a high point of the actor. Penisishka something so-so. Costume designer came up with a very Waist pants. Creative director shows how to clean up a bit of a penis, he went into a little prisyadku, squatted and ran the invisible hand inside the penis between his legs, and then put his feet flat and villain - as if the penis or not. A frame is too late to change. Because the next Gloria already approved storyboard, if she is now about to call the penis, then the project will fly into the pipe. The producer offered to look for a backup for that frame.

That is, as it were, as if the producer thinks that as much as I like to call, as it were casting agency, as if to say: "Everything is fine, but there is one thing. We need a stunt double for one frame. Yes Nooo, do not hand understudy, actor good hands. We need a stunt double on the penis. Preferably without a penis. You actually think someone sent the next time! What?! Yes, he had no penis, and some s ** nya! »

Way bobraNedavno rented beavers. In the story of a beaver had run through the frame to take into the hands of the book, and start flipping to portray reading. We immediately told the customer that really try to find a reading of beavers, but most likely, they are not so much. I love my job because always faced with something new. You can not just say no to the customer, because we are professionals.

So we said, be sure to look for and started looking. In zoos, theaters animals trainers. And we were told: "You are out of your mind? Beavers are not trainable. And even if you give in, it takes months to get read. " And we shot a week, but we're still looking.

And that's the end of the third day at the office door appears solemn administrator through smelling the wind and beavers, which says that there is one private bobryatnik in Moscow, which he found there, and even took a short video. In this video beaver command "Go!" Shot in the shot, taking into the hands of the book and started leafing through it. It turns out that in this bobryatnike sometimes hold small performances for children and there just have a concert room. We are terribly excited and sent a video to the customer.

We are overwhelmed with joy, the excitement, the pride. Comes the answer: "No. It's some dark beaver. And he has a strange tail. We need to look brighter and larger beaver. We remind you that the shooting soon and please hurry. In three days you come from only one beaver, we counted on the options. " As you know, from beaver beaver are not looking.

The producer sat down to write back, but all the time erased the first line, because every time begins with the question: "Are you on the # Ueli?" You can not just start writing this because we are professionals. So we said, be sure to look for and started looking. We call in bobryatnik and clarify the availability of lighter reading with beautiful beaver tails (preferably larger). We are told: "You are about # Ueli?" Not because they are not professional, but just normal people.

Sometimes, when there is a meeting with a customer, I want to turn on the phone video mode and say, "Do not worry, do not pay attention, continue, please." Put it on YouTube and collect one hundred million page views per minute.
When it became clear that around the world there is only one reading beaver (and that, unfortunately, the dark, too small and the tail is not so), then start the next stage of the contact schizophrenia: "Let's paint the beaver!" And the customer begins to naturally expel options Hair color inks, which are typically in human hair salons. The colors are so called, to attract aunts: young Japanese cherry brown and juicy. In my life it was like when the customer did not like the black spots on a white dog. Caused makeup artist, who painted a stencil (!!!) and applying to the dog, then spotted the necessary form (shape claimed spots per week). Make of juicy beaver brown-haired, of course, possible. It is easy to imagine a beaver young Japanese cherry color. But it is quite impossible to imagine at # yn.

Sometimes quite sufficient strength for anything. And I want to say, "Excuse me, could you put your neck in my hand and start her sharply unreasonably inflate so I could strangle you, and it did not had the strength to even kill you." Repulsed by painting beaver, we argued a little bit more about how to tie him to the tail of the other. And persuaded to feed the beaver blade to become fatter and bigger because is still the day before the shooting, he did not have time to grow stout. In the end, if you do not have anything the human can fill beaver hay, but he had not read and run. On the set of all waiting for, that there will be a comment that the beaver has to read aloud. And better expression. And by the way, that he should read?

KabzdaYa learned a new word.
Kabzda! (accent on the last letter).
Kabzda - it is something like kapets, but feminine and more intensively.
Before I knew another word. It was called konsёrn.
Konsёrn - it's the same thing as kabzda, but the English soncern. That is, anxiety, concern, apprehension, concern.
Word konsёrn advertising agencies have taught me, with whom I often shoot commercials.
For example, at the site saying, "The Agency konsёrne." This means that there are doubts. In other words, the agency some small kabzda.

The Agency, as I noticed, is in a state of permanent konsёrna. For example, one roll three weeks chose a woman with perfect hands. What was needed was a frame in which a woman's hands pulled out of the Russian stove pot roast. The agency did not go out konsёrna. All hands have touched. So whether ideal sustavchikov between phalanges? So there are good nail plate? I rang at three o'clock with additional questions: "What is the name of the actress, who has just left the little finger crooked? Larionov or Fedorov? "And I knew it Potapov. We invite the Special Manicurist with all the palette of varnish. Manicure worth 15 000 rubles. Then began the real konsёrn. Long time to choose the right dress with long sleeves. Then he thought, whether brick color sleeves argue in the frame with the color of a clay pot? And on the set she realized that a woman can not bare hands to pull hot hot. And at this point I started a small kabzda. Therefore, the actress gave up tongs, put huge pot holders, oven mitts and normally removed.

A Habensky be? Advertising. Filmed on the streets. My double, another double, director of content. I go into the tent agency, they say, we had. Go ahead? Or comments? A shot is still such that it is necessary quickly, vanity, all in a hurry. Like you, briefly, or not? And then whether the client, or the agency says it is not. I do not like. And what is wrong? But somehow I do not believe the actors. Bl *** I think Cho to believe them? In the picture, the girl crosses the street. Instead of traffic lights is a bottle of yogurt on a stick. On the bottle is flashing red strawberries, orange then yellow, then green apple. The situation itself is strange, to believe that there ?! And it is clear that a person is a commentator - it is better not to argue. Let's take.

Actress goes way more natural Manima fruit to the other side. And let us send vetroduy to working dress, and let's remove them, because now they all look just under the dress. Let more natural road goes! Well even more? Well ... Once! Actress zamanalas pacing, everyone is a little weak, the director was a hundred takes. Again, I go up to the desk of the agency. Nuuuu chtoooo? It was? And the look in the eyes of this commentator. And then he says: "Yes, I did something very bad understand. Something you decide. Well I'm here by accident. " It turned. There was a guy home. Sees - shooting. Well, there are chairs, tent, Tenek, fruit spread. He sat. Sits. Nobody drives. The agency thinks, probably, one of the crew. The producer thinks, probably someone from the client. The client thinks, probably, one of the agency's new. All sit, listen to him, take heed. We remove duplicates, actress drove to heat. And he said: "Well, I went to, I guess. And what a movie, then at least you take off? A Habensky be? It makes sense to wait? »

RefrizheratorSnimali series. In one episode she was filming a character who ran on night road shouting "Refrizheratooor!" From darkness endured enormous machine, which saves heroes. And director whacko on this character. Usually small epizodnikov not really argue. Or casting director leads immediately to the site or the director shows the photo. But here it klinanulo. This should be an actor with a serious face, there is an alarming ... ... No, that fat ... No, this stupid ... No, it's not like ... Look! Look! Shoot video, call the casting. Casting director at the end of the second week has offered the popular artists on the refrigerator, but it was not that. The director stood in a pose. From small entrance as the refrigerator became a main character. Lighters bring photos of their friends and acquaintances, looking for all the refrigerator. The director shouted to find it - a matter of honor. Just a couple of times in the casting of the project was to blame and the director decided to show who is boss. And for a change, shooting night, winter, blizzard, no refrigerator.

Resorts casting director in sagging arms carries a photo of the actor serious enough, the alarm is not stupid and quite fatty. In short, a real refrigerator. And he quickly called to the site, he, knowing their indispensability, pokochevryazhilsya for money povykruchivatsya arms producer, and barely agreed. And on the night out, dawn, it is necessary to take all urgent, quickly, makeup, costume. And so it dragged on the ground, cram into the frame, put the point of attention, ready, engine started! And the actor shouts "Eph th Ms-and-tooog!" That is exhausting 150 people have found exactly that which generally never in his life uttered p. "Eph th Ms-and-tooog!" It was so beautiful. The night is dark, the track, the blizzard, a film crew to the waist in the snow somewhere in the snow is the casting director, who defended the honor posthumously in stark squeezes her hand photo of the actor ... And above all this rushing "Eph-e-Zhi- A tooog ... "Sound is not simply laughed, and he fell and pulled down, he was hurt. This confluence of events, all in one place: and harmful director, actor and guttural, and such a complex text.

Directed by leaps understands that this can not go on! And he shouts that we are all around full of losers, Cho rzhom something?!?! Come quickly come up with a replacement refrigerator and stopped to choke and hiccup !!! How else to call a big car with a body? Well ?! Why do I need it all himself, eh ?! Your mother! A?! Good! Then I myself! All by yourself! And he says: "In short, choose! Or van, or truck! »

The show closed after three days, did not come out series.
P.S. As a result, he shouted "Syudaaa!»

ZhukNam needed beetle. Special to shoot beetle. Certain breeds. The director says: "I want exactly this beetle, though you'll die here. Without it, the shooting will not be. " According to the director beetle was crawling on the table in the face of the hero. And just luck in Moscow held an exhibition beetles. And they brought in a single copy of the very rare beetle. Producers faced a host on his knees: "Give!" Anyone in any "Are you crazy? I was carrying it through all the borders, I keep in a certain climate, a special feed by shit! "The peasant producers throw their passports and documents to the apartment - everything you want, just give. He barely agreed for the money, after receiving a beetle that can no longer use their wings, and buy plane.

And shooting. To expose the frame. Actor seated at the table. Beetle dropped (it was just after lunch, normally ate good mood beetle must have been a dessert). Attention! Camera! And here is a real shit. Because the beetle takes luminaire for sun soars, it beats with a distinctive thud, and immediately falls sdyhaet forever.
Any normal person would say: "What idiots !!! Well, dead! Well, take off without a beetle that kind of nonsense? "And this is for someone not nonsense. This is - life.

Hares, foxes or losiOdin time I wrote an important letter. It read: "For the installation we urgently need to find a shooting hares, foxes and moose in winter forest night. However, they should not have or run. We have the story of the night winter forest rides a fire truck with flashing lights, the hero sings the song "My dear, honey forest", as hares, foxes or moose hear it and react. " I wrote it and quickly sent, because a lot of work. And then he introduced the face of the person who received the letter. And then I added, "The grass in the top drawer at the reception».

MyshA director says: "I'm sorry, but if he could run faster and better than just to the left of the frame? Then turn on the camera at some point and this is how to move a mustache? "And you say:" In principle, yes. Maybe. But he will not do. " - "Why?" And you look at the filmmaker, as if angry, hate, but at the same time it becomes even pity. And tell him honestly: "He will not do, because he - the mouse. You understand? He - the mouse. Well, the animal. He is hardly aware that he lives, it just runs all his life and watching how it goes. " The director says, "Ahhh ..." I say, "You know, we can, of course, run the mouse to the left of the frame and even to accelerate, but we did not agree on a turn of the head to the desired point. You definitely want to mouse just turned his head and not his whole body was unfolding? "The director is such a joy in his eyes:" Yes! Yes! It was only the head! "I say," You know, this will not work. " - "Why?" And again at the same time you did something you hate, then you regret.

ЁzhI problem was something simple. Hedgehog had to curl up in a ball, draw a turtle head, and change the color of a chameleon. Three simple frames. It should be a little scare little animals - all removed, all thanks. No supernatural tasks as not put.

Braley tested animals at a friend's trainers. After two weeks of searching it turned out that chameleons, which are removed in the movie, do not change color. They change when fear. And it turned out that after the shooting chameleon has nothing to fear. Turtles do not involve the head, hedgehogs are not collapsed. Filming hedgehog rather stand on the bridge than the banal curdle. He has nothing to fear! A director wanted to frame a tight ball. There, too, turned out to be some nuances: to pose "a tangle" suitable only young hedgehogs because they are more malleable. They stood like idiots in this pavilion. People there have "Avatar" has long been removed, and we have not collapsed urchins. And it is not clear what to do. The situation is called "sunset hand." We think: "We have to show them something very terrible." The main customer says, "Okay. I will go". Well, then removed once, of course.

More ezhiPo phone told the director:
"The project is very responsible, preparing to shoot a promotional video. In the story there is a child-urchin resorted to mom and dad. Parents are also hedgehogs. Papa 40 cm, thick - and it is written. Well, here. A child brought them mushroom. It is written: "The child-urchin uses the house where the parents quietly engaged in apples."


- Yes.



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