Brilliant Pearl university teachers

One of the most striking discoveries of student life, of course, is communication with teachers. After the lectures, you can hear a lot of exciting, witty and a funny phrase from the lips of professors.

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• - Say you bet on offset machines attendance?
  - Well, you know, it's like sex to assess the quality of human presence.
  
  
  
  
  • Teacher of Matan about philologists:
    - Yes, spit in the face to those who say that linguists - a gentle Fialochka with glowing eyes! I beg you! In fact, they darkest bile types, ready to snatch language companion for phrases such as "pay for water", "my birthday", "hole in a coat» ...
    A voice from the last party:
    - What's wrong with these phrases?
    Teacher, adjusted his glasses:
    - And on your corpse, a young man, they would have also jumped.
  • - When you create a company, it is necessary to immediately understand where you want to go. You are at point A and have to move to point B. And most importantly - it is clearly present, where it is located. Otherwise, you can get to another point.
    - In point C?
    - No, the point M.
  • - And how to breed crabs?
    - By setting "DotA" according to the advice. More questions?
    
    
    
    
    • In the State Duma lunch is cheaper than a sandwich in our cafeteria. Okay, do not let the bad news. So Girardin died. Only economists, mathematicians and historians do not drink too much in difficult situations! The illness of your generation - a desire to find everything on the Internet, from primary sources to men. The student Rodion Y., you do not know whether we will have a rest the 7th?
      R. Yu .: I do not know. And what's in there? ( Pause .) Ah-ah-ah, there's the ... chromosome holidays. All employers know that good students have time and study, and work, and bad Soldiers ... students - no. Tomorrow we'll visit a psychiatric hospital. Bring a white coats. And then you will take for the sick. We are with you in the humanities: You came here because you have a bad physics. - pF, what fool wrote this crap?
      - Actually, this is your textbook.
      - What a year it?
      - Of 2011.
      - I've changed my mind.
      
      
      
      
      • The work you have well written. No bullshit, but it is well written. I do not like to conduct classes in Latin, after a long break. In the eyes of the students can be read clearly thought, "Man, who are you all?!» Students who talk in a lecture, the language of digging a tunnel to hell. Why is all this necessary? .. Well, for example, turned out to you on a desert island. And you urgently need to find a mixed product of three vectors, and you do not remember how to do it. You know how it is interesting: solid characters, and then - bang - the formula again and hieroglyphs. Also formulas, nothing is clear. Chinese mathematics journals - never come across? Punctuality - the politeness of kings. Of course, I understand that we are all Republicans, but not to the same degree. A lecture on philosophy.
        - Pray all know how?
        - No.
        - Do not worry, all will learn before the exam.
        
        
        
        
        • - I believe that there are things worse than death.
          - For example? Civil law? Travel by train in Oaks? to draw a graph on the board:
          - If you stand at the board and move your head left and right, we can see how the X-axis runs blue bar ... Not so much joy in my work to this neglect.
        • - Who is the chief military prosecutor of the Russian Federation? Anyone who says test machine. I swear.
          The silence in the audience.
          - Actually, I do not know. You could call any name. He laughs best who can be considered the second derivative.
          
          
          
          
          
          
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