Witty quotes university teachers

One of the most striking discoveries of student life, of course, is communication with teachers. After the lectures, you can hear a lot of exciting, witty and a funny phrase from the lips of professors.

Especially for the Day of the student Website contains statements of teachers, laid out in a network of grateful students.

In Tolstoy's in one of his stories is a phrase ending with twelve points. Twelve! This does not mean that he put his finger on the keyboard, and a nap, no! It had to raise a beard, dip the pen in ink, then put a point, and then again lift the beard, dip pen in ink, to put the point again - and so 12 times. It is the author's work! Lecture on the history department.
- The state of Baekje ... Spell: Peter Edward, Konstantin ... ( silent em>) ... Cheburashka, Eugene.




Advice to the Colloquium:
- What to do if you do not have time to pass the colloquium? Well, I got some quirky woodpecker and talks, talks ...
- You know, I do not have the vocabulary to understand you. Let's first define the concept of "woodpecker": it is a student or a teacher? The teacher says that all the founding fathers of America, to be aware of, are depicted on US banknotes:
- Thus, the dollars you an exam to help! Do not misunderstand me ... - And who is to blame for the fall of the ruble?
- Angela Merkel.
- That you know so well carefree wake up in the morning and think that's all my fault you're not, to blame Angela Merkel ... Information. Consultation offset. The student asks the question:
- I wrote a test on the "5". Will "machineĀ»?
- Well, you know, it was an accident ...




The student surnamed Pendyuh sits down to the teacher to take the exam in physics.
Teacher: Who are you?
Pendyuh: Pendyuh.
Teacher: What you pendyuh, I see. Last you what?
I have something pondered this theorem - in my opinion, it is wrong. Well, okay, let's prove, and then we'll see. The course - a skirt covering the knees, abstract - mini-skirt, the report - a mini-bikini. But the report without reference - it is, sorry, pornography. I do not like honors. Will come a time, all will pass and go, the more we will see. But with the fifth Losers retake already about the meaning of life, you can talk to. The first course, the economy, causing the girl to the board. And ask questions: - What are we still one of the founder of modern economic theory, - it is about Adam Smith.
She is, claps eyes. And the teacher is trying to tell:
- Well, remember how the name of the first man?
- Yeah, Valera. And what does he?




We agree about the signs ... I mean like, agree: I will tell you, as you humble yourself. On taking tests:
- You must answer the question, and I do not write nonsense, which I read at the lecture! Teacher: How many equations happened?
Student: Eight.
Teacher: Well, hello ... And, yes, eight.
- Pavel, but where is the soul?
- I do not know, Eve. Perhaps in the bladder.
- ???
- When writing for a long time you want, reaches the toilet, defecate, and immediately the soul becomes as well.




Lecture:
- I look at the two of you ... well you soldiers! Today you humanist and tomorrow wash planetarium. The lecture on literature teacher metaphorically says that literature affects any person < br /> - Well, imagine that I am a doctor and a patient lying in front of me. It does not matter, it is Russian, French or German, I still cut out his appendix ...
A voice from the back of the desk:
- ... Whatever he was sick. In the lectures on ancient literature.
- Death was called guest. Because Princess Olga and Drevlianys says: "Come in, dear guests!" - That is, it means "Come, pokoynichki." - ( The door opens, go latecomers em>). - Come in, dear guests! The objectives will be interesting. One of them is now solved the whole Department. If you decide, we will include it in the examination paper.




Russia - a country in which no matter how bad it was, could always be worse. They entered the specialty "Physics of Elementary Particles" and do not go to lectures. It makes me very sad. Tell them that I was crying half the lecture. Let's do this: without a break, but let go for 5 minutes early. I see, I do not interested. Ok, released on 6 minutes earlier. The teacher refers to the group:
- Well! Where is your logic ?! Oh yeah, you have the girls a lot ... Well - where your intuition?! To solve this problem it is sufficient spinal cord. Student: And you can learn without knowing the ranks of matrices? < br /> Teacher: Learning ?! So you can not live, not what to learn! Is there something I forgot to say ... ... because the thought was nice! Well, I ask the exam!

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