Our children make us unhappy?
«Those who have no children, one of the mountain, and who they are - in fact a thousand ills" - says Tatar folk wisdom.
blockquote> «I can not get rid of the unfathomable inner anxiety for children. I care about their success in school and health. Scary and where they spend the night, and for how their future without my support. These fears are "eaten" inside me "- describes his problem certain Helena. She is not alone in his trouble: according to statistics, 40% of parents suffer from social anxiety, and as a result, "strangle" overprotection of children.
Sonia Lubomirski, published works, "In Defense of parenting: children bring more joy than sorrow," as the authors of «Psychological science», argues that the girls' parents feel happier than childless couples (about boys, unfortunately, we are in the study did not It goes). But why do children sometimes become a burden and a source of problems rather than "clear ray" in our lives? It turns out that we ourselves are to blame.
Doctors, including the notorious Dr. Komarovsky, there are three kinds of relationships between children and their parents. Aside from families who were able to achieve the perfect balance between love and fatherly degree of control, there are two extremes - gipoprotektsiya characterized by neglect and overprotection, exalts the child to the level of an idol. Wishing to make your baby happy and paving his way to the future "soft feather", "wrong" anxious parents control every step. But should the child to move away from the established framework of adult behavior, family idyll fails. We begin to preach, to raise his voice and forced into submission, making himself and unhappy children.
German neurologist Kurt Goldstein believes that anxiety - is a primitive emotion, humanity inherited from his ancestors, animals. And the American psychologist Rollo May, who has studied the issue in his book "The sense of anxiety", says that the inner anxiety arises when vital values are threatened. Becoming a victim of a discrepancy between expectations and reality, as well as feeling trapped due to circumstances for which he can not influence, the parent provokes hidden internal conflict, which, naturally, ever break out.
Origins of increased anxiety usually lie in the parent past. Some patients Rollo May gave herself entirely to children, trying to compensate for the lack of maternal care in their own childhood. Other wards constantly monitored offspring endowed with poor health. Such concerns - is not uncommon. According to statistics, the number of parents who suffer from social anxiety in relation to children with autism, more than 80%. The reason may be overprotective uncertainty about their own future, a sense of guilt for crimes committed against children or flimsy bad things, the deterioration of relations with a spouse or a surplus of free time. In the complexes and internal insecurity parents to the extreme. For example, I feel ashamed for being tired of housework, allow the child to spend time with a cartoon on the Internet or poserfit.
Perhaps we should follow the example of the adherents Child-free and save nerves, focusing on a career?
In fact, everything is much simpler. Remember the old joke: "Even if you eat in front of you two ways out." You can leave it as it is, and, following in the wake of the instincts, experience anxiety for every action you have inconsistent with the child. But beware of the pitfalls: if you believe the authors of the book "is enough - this is how much?» («How Much is Enough?»), Parents and carers of children too, turning them into helpless disabled people who are unable to find a way out of difficult situations. Or, stepping over domestic concerns, to provide seed for a little more freedom. Use Rule number 164 of an accomplice "365 +1 typically modern parents for each day a happy year." You should not drive the child only on the bright side the circle of life - just help it to grow and be happy.
via factroom.ru
