Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and professor emeritus of love to crack the code and find the path to a relationship that we so crave
After 30 years of working with couples and studies on how people rebuild their relationship, I suddenly realized that we have come to a turning point: a new way of understanding the true romantic love. Finally, we can understand its laws. They have a sense!
We cracked the code of love and a way to find a relationship that we so crave. You can create full, giving a sense of security relationships and restore a love affair from that very moment:
1. Discard the outdated idea that love - this is something that just happens to you.
Modern research has shown that romantic love has ceased to be a mystery. You have much more control over the riot of emotions than you think. What you know you can create. The first step - is to decide to develop the science of love and connection.
2. Each day try to openly refer to someone and ask them to attention or affection.
You agree that you are mammals, and love - is an ancient code that is necessary for survival. You are happier, healthier, stronger, better able to cope with stress and live longer if you develop a connection with their loved ones. It's okay - need them. They - your most powerful source of energy and motivation. We are not made for solitude. The strongest of us understand the need for relationships and what is fraught with the pursuit of other goals.
3. The next time you feel insecure, anxious or agitated, pay attention to that of a loved one, take him by the hand and try to track down his emotional reaction.
Emotional connection is for us a refuge where you can hide and restore emotional balance. Recent studies have shown that the mere contact with the hand of a loved one can calm our minds and help get rid of fear.
4. Try to notice when you become difficult to open, and you become defensive or withdraws into himself.
We know that emotional openness and responsiveness - the basis on which to build a long lasting connection. Take the initiative and share with a partner, helping him / her to realize how difficult it is to open at a time.
5. Think about how you interact with your partner usually.
Can each of you to stand up for someone else? What do you do when the other half gets upset and does not respond to you? You insist on the contacts or retreat? Ask your partner if he prefers that you tried to reach him, or, on the contrary, stepped aside.
6. Try to talk with your partner about how you usually affect each other.
You both exude signals or safety hazards that our brain perceives as information about survival; we are all vulnerable to loneliness. When you call a real joy and satisfaction in your partner? When you exude negative energy - a sense of rejection and loneliness? Our brain encodes such a pain in the same way as physical pain.
7. When you are quarreling - take a deep breath and imagine that watching a fight on top, flying under the ceiling.
Often, after a discussion of problematic issues one of you needs more emotional connection. If you are curious, think on what dance looks like your interaction. Maybe this is a typical boogie, where one pushes on a contact, and a second hearing criticism and make a couple of steps back. See how it leaves you both feeling of loneliness and fear. Talk about it.
8. Invite your partner to a greater intimacy, playing a simple game of empathy.
Everyone thinks about what happened to him during the day. One by one look at each other and try to determine which of six emotions - joy, surprise, sadness, anger, shame or fear - are present on the face. Check if your guess is correct.
9. In a relaxed setting, tune to the emotional wave and see if you can share with your partner what you need most.
Speak simple but to the point. You need comfort, confidence, support and empathy and knowledge of how important you are to him / her? If you find it difficult to share this share, it is difficult to open up and ask.
10. Be aware that emotional trauma can destroy relationships.
You can cause a lot of pain to your partner, because a lot of means to him - you are the only one from whom he / she is dependent. In moments of intimacy ask your loved one, you do not hurt him with something, do not you have caused an open wound. Try to help him / her cope with the wound (they do not disappear just like that, with time). Often, you tell them that you feel their pain and want to help them. It works wonders.
11. Know that the best recipe for a great communication is a strong emotional bond and open communication.
Write a little note for the partner that you want him or her to do in bed as they could get you into the game. Give your loved one to read it and see what you discover new potential in each other. Remember that just criticism hurts and "off" beauty.
12. Talk about how your family accepted to deal with emotions.
Emotions - the music for a dance of two lovers; It helps if the music is clear. When you can predict each other's intentions and know how to move together in harmony. Talk about the things that interfere with listening or to share their feelings.
13. Tell each other about your main goal this year and see if you can help each other in achieving it.
Obviously, when we know that someone covers us back, we become more confident in their abilities and more daring. We achieve our goals more easily and less and less worried because of frustration.
14. Respect your connection. Create small rituals that will distinguish it.
Maybe it's a special kind of kiss when you leave the house or 10 minute time just for you when returning. It is a sacred time. No talking about matters on the agenda, no address or other distractions like the TV screen is not allowed.
Take the love in your arms and hug each other tight. You can read more in the book of Dr. Sue Johnson, "the feeling of love - a revolutionary science of romance»
DR. SUE JOHNSON