Nepruha (7 pics + text)

Remember the story about three jeeps and two tractor? We have recently discussed what kind of model is a super-jeep-tank where the owner planted bezvylazno winter in the creek? ;-)
Well, the day before happened to me something like that, but it was even worse! Much worse! 8-)))
The story is called "two KAMAZ, a lot of tractors and the traffic police." Or simply and briefly - "Not the best day of my life» .8-)

The day before the day of H.
CONTRACTING take tomorrow morning shed of Istria (30 km from Moscow Ring Road) and drive to the area of ​​Volokolamsk (120km from Moscow). All Novorige.

H. Day Sunday morning. 9.30.
I sit in the car, I shut the door and I heard a loud "bang" behind. I turned around and did not see the right rear window. But I see a pile of debris on the floor and rear seat. The remains of the glass in the door discover a small hole - pneumatic. Apparently, from the window of the house opposite. Since no one ever bothered, see "Pioneers drunk" just have fun at night.

I understand that an unspecified day and it would be necessary to call the owner cabins and to cancel the trip, but this time the call - just the master calls and says that even (half an hour before the appointed time) is waiting for me on the Ring Road. Refusing uncomfortable. I ran home for a plastic bag and duct tape, fast zamatyvayut hole and going to a meeting. Now it's my penny 78 years, stripped the Fiat-124 60-xx years, more similar to the real foreign car. 8-)
Arriving at the place, we went to the nearest market for the manipulator (truck and crane "in one bottle"). But the master manipulator, but there are other carrier, with another smaller manipulator. But he did not know how to handle this model crane. But his boss says "yes you will understand on the spot. If that - will call the owner to consult. " They took with them Yeshe Tajik market and drove off. They loaded properly. We arrived at a place in zavolokolame. The road to the site has nothing - covered with sand and gravel, shallow rut 10-15 centimeters in some places the bottom of the strike sharply, but even I slipped on a dime "progress" calmly, although nine have not risked and stood at the entrance of the CNT and the people went to the house on foot meters 700. But for KAMAZ 4 * 6 (three axles, two rear drive) at all garbage. But it must be a little bit to enter the site - shed from the road to the right place not deliver. He drove afraid of getting stuck, but after a little persuasion enters the site. We start to unload - the arrow does not turn. It turns bearing swivel mechanism gouging. "Call a Friend", that is, the owner of the manipulator. He said that it is necessary to shed omitted unload boom - it can be a little turn, then lift. It is a sensible idea! After an hour of lifting and lowering, turning still shed ALMOST put into place. Well, only a meter in the past 2, or rather has not obtained. Kamaz tries to leave. FIG. Behind 2 Axles, but face a heavy and a non-leading front axle failed.

Time about 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
We are trying to raise Hydro face to shove it under the board. Drown in wet clay under the legs about five scrap timber 150, finally stood on the solid support and the muzzle rose. She slipped under the boards. We try to go and realize that now buried his ass. And nearly bald tires and the remnants of the tread Moira clogged with clay. Another two hours of trying to hold their own and leave buried even further decide that we should go to the nearest village for a tractor, though Sunday, but may have pulled out of the bottle! Meals.
The nearest village. Around 4:00 in the afternoon.
 - Guys, where owners and tractors?
 - For half an hour before everyone left.
 - @ # $% &! (Inaudible). And we have a tractor ... we've got a number of small machine stuck ... ... ... KAMAZ 8-ton ... but not deep seated, he would just start moving ...
 - Yes, it does not allow the authorities not to go to work.

I understand that there is no chance, going to the next village (regional center!), Drive up to the ohranyamoy already two guards (!!!) parking collective farm machinery.
 - Guys, help out, we would tractor ...
 - Well, we go for Sanko, it just does not drink (country style !!!) can help, and we will release him until the boss does not see.
We go to one of the guards home to Sanka. Sanya wring price 1000rub (that's what it means teetotal tractor!). But there is nothing. Here is Sanka to the parking lot, he starts his four-wheel drive of Belarus and I just warms my heart - WHEEL DRIVE !!! BELARUS !!! TRACTOR !!! 8-))) But, as it turned out, in vain. Ponary pits and nearly dug there, Sanya says it bespoleznyak. Belarus weighs 4 tons and Kamaz 8. "We would gusechny" - I said, recalling how 20 years ago, we pulled the little caterpillar traktorkom snout stuck in the creek Kirov workers K-700 (Kirovets - the largest tractor rosskiysky if someone does not know weighing 14 tons, about which foreigners say that it came up with the lazy Russian, not to build the road). Sanya said that tracked in all districts are not on the move. We are going back to the parking lot and arrange a "council in Fili" with the guards. There Kirovets, but his driver was today threw papers on the table boss (damn, well, why now ??? !!!). Yes, and without the knowledge of the authorities can not take Kirovets. "Why Belarus can take without the knowledge and the Kirov workers can not?" - I am interested in.
 - Because that Belarus can be taken quietly, and when the plant Kirovets, then it immediately knows the entire village!
 - It is clear.
There HTZ T-150 (a little less than the Kirov workers, but also a hefty fool all-wheel drive) and stands at the tractor home. Let's go to the owner of Sanyok home in another village. We arrived. Leaves Sober (remember, vosrkesene night !!!), well-dressed man with the appearance of actor wearing white gloves and put voice like George Clooney ozvuchalschika (ponite this posh voice? He had a lot of publicity voiced), only slightly below the more colorful and says: "I would love to help you, but I prom.opora collapsed and I just took off driveshaft. And on one rear axle pull useless. "Going back to the parking lot for a consultation. The guards and the tractor Sanya sorted out all drivers of tractors. In Petrukha wife died and he began to drink. Stepan tractor is broken. A few more options, but all drunk with a broken tractor. And then pops up a conversation with another Alex Kirov workers. We go to him in another village. Alex, we are encouraged by the fact that ... he just took off driveshaft. So I do not understand, this is such a popular game: Sunday night to take cardans Tractor? Then Sanya recalls that the market near our SNT has all-wheel drive KAMAZ 6 * 6 with a manipulator. Almost the same as ours, only better! Oh, he must be sure to pull it! We go to the driver. The driver we are encouraged by the fact that it ... right! WITHDRAWS CARDAN! And disable the front axle. That is, there are only 2 leading rear axle. Still, he decided to help us! I hope there is. And it was almost dark and I would like to go home to night, to see the morning recorded an F-1 race. Driver Kamaza№2 incidentally tells us that yesterday was the day he LOR and today it still thumped with friends, so he will not be able to go (not physically, but simply afraid of traffic police. Physically go after a bottle of vodka in the villages are able to all - long-standing practice after all). So he makes a "call a friend" and his friend with him coming to us in the CHT. Belarus Sanya driver receives 300 rubles for "false alarm" and went back to the parking lot.
We arrived with Kamazom№2 in the CHT. Time about five. Hooked, pull, pull, pull we can not. "Do not", - says the carrier Kamaza№2 - "bespoleznyak. You need a tractor. So I'm sorry, guys, I went. " It turns and cornering rear wheel falls into a ditch (in the CHT as along roads always ditch digging. So that no water flowed away, and gather in one place and washed away the road. Anyway, we have it so).

"Well, you, too, sat down?" - I asked with a touch of malice in his voice.
 - No, we conductive pressure later (he also appeared with avtopodkachkoy) and go away.

Satel pressure - to no avail. It was getting dark. We took a flashlight shone - Kamaz sits on the rear axle. Ditch polkolesa in depth. And the front-disabled - cardan no!
& quot; @ # $ &%! & quot; - Says the owner Kamaza№2 - "We need a tractor!". "Byelorussia will not pull" - with knowledge of the matter, we are talking with the driver Kamaza№1 - "We need guchenichny or Kirovets". Start "calls a friend." Who has drunk one tractor is not working. There is one track, but he is behind 30km away and need to take him down the highway on a trailer (on asphalt caterpillar forbidden to ride), and the trailer is not. Speaking vspylvaet are a couple of options, but those drivers do not have phones, and have to go. Beru Kamaza№2 driver and his friend with him and my pennies are going to look for a tractor. A second Kamaz, I must say, stuck so that blocked the road. That is vyhaet penny of it can not (as I first went and stood on penny). There is a second bypass road from the CHT, but it no one goes there is not even a track - 10 cm snow in some places ... but nothing to do. The course makes its way through the snow and clay (thanks Jake 2 - excellent mud out of her all-terrain tires. Lord of Nokia's money for "product placement" advertising please send me E-mail ;-), doing laps around the block and when to normal road It is 10 meters ahead is a thick layer of snow. Trying to break a running track, I pull back, and punched again. And then suddenly the car went to slip, under 5000 RPM, but go, go, go ... when to exit was 1 meter back sharply blows sideways into the ditch. (Well, you remember that the roads in the CHT always ditch, where it was to fall in the winter with uncleared roads.) Go behind the driver Kamaza№1 and Tajiks. 4 man easily pushed penny from half-meter ditch. It makes me think, "Maybe I had just gathered all the village men and arms pushed Kamaz"? .. But prikidochnye calculations in mind the number of people required on the weight of 8 tons Kamaz show that the population of a village is clearly not enough, and take they had to be here on the bus, and plant bus, and then there's ... And as I then flights will have to do on a dime, to separate them from house to house? .. In general, the idea was abandoned. We go in search of the tractor. To go around several villages and then I realize that we are already in the second round - all of these people I saw today, when he traveled with Sanko ... When understanding that today there are no more options, finally comes to the post-holiday Kamaza№2 driver's head, agree with him went home, and tomorrow morning to go to the nearby village of Crawler bulldozer DT-75. "So they do not permit the authorities to go anywhere? I was there today already "- I say. "I'm their boss to solve!" - Says the driver confidently Kamaza№2. And then my head comes a striking idea - "a well-after all, that we and his Kamaz planted! He is a local - he will precisely help - here it is not about money, but in their reciprocity! And at the same time we pull out! »8-)
Beru grub in the store, the driver Kamaza№1 with his Tajik and I'm taking them to their home in Istria (30 km from Moscow), on the way eating black bread and sausage - all are in the morning nezhramshi. On the way to get into the fog zhutchayshy !!! Visibility 5 meters and can be seen only on the asphalt strip, nothing more. With high beam go even worse, and its fog I was a few years ago tore, traveling on the gold ring on the roads of Uglich and Myshkin to Uglich on to Kalyazin. Road maps have (and with "improved surface") but in reality it all ends with a track from the Kirov workers depth of 40 centimeters Going from memory driver Kamaza№1 who like a navigator commanded me what road will go right, when the rotation, when intersections and fork. Speed ​​60kmch. Terribly awful, especially when the band suddenly disappears, but if you go slowly, I do not what an F-1 race to see, and even sleep will not have time - to me something else to Moscow to cut. We arrived. I drop them off. Around 10 pm. I called my wife home, saying that after a maximum of an hour and can still come have time to watch the race.
But it was not over yet! ;-)
Just stop driving poss ... exc ​​... eeee ... to celebrate small need and at the same time clean the lights, and then somehow dirty headlights in the fog can not see anything at all, and the navigator, I landed. I sit in the car, slowly touch and see the rear lights is pressed against the side of the road to miss, because the terrain is unfamiliar to me, a fog, I do not go fast. But Spotlight rear dragged so slowly for me. "Strange some driver" - only I had time to think, at this moment the rear lights "chandelier." I stop. "Why are you standing?" - Asks a young Policeman.
 - Lights rubbing not seen nifiga.
 - And why on the mountain?
 - Well, it so happened ...
 - You do not drink, well ka Dykhne?
 - ABOUT! Yes to you clearly smell (so says happily).
 - What do you mean! We have all day today with two KAMAZ fuck ... pulled them out of the swamp, there is a drink. And anyway, I do not drink at the wheel!
 - Breathe into the device.
 - Yes, you promile 0.35! Wow, did not drink!
I look at the device and can not believe my eyes. I breathe again - again the same garbage. The thought goes through my head - "set up, the device is clearly junk, but the money will not give!»
 - Yes, I'm not drunk! Just me gastritis and I tseliy day he ate nothing, and now here ate black bread - can he give such a response ... (all the truth)
 - Go to the Rapoport?
 - And who is this? Well this is the name of this kind?
 - This is a medical examination.
 - Go, of course! Let you in front, I behind you.
 - No, leave the car here, we'll take you to yourself.
 - Okay.
To crawl backwards to the platform nearby, wilderness, close, sit them in the car, let's go. Along the way, I think, how many times have told myself to take a tape recorder to talk with the traffic cops. And yet there he is at home ...
"And where we go then?" - I ask purely for fun.
 - Krasnogorsk !!!
& quot; @ # $ &%! & quot; (unintelligible) - I thought. "Well it's only 2 km from Moscow, and from there 30!" - I say aloud.
 - Well yes. But the same rights you probably do not need. And then the car will drive at the car pound. Walk peshochkom couple of years.
(obviously want money, you bastard)
The thought goes through his head "as if they are in collusion with the doctor?". This happens, I read in the internet. Then all Khan. Although, if I was noticeably on the other, and there will euspertizu honest "0", it may have a chance to challenge in court. But where to go? I'll make a call to a friend and find another nearby point clock medical examination. Watching on mobile - it lights up the treacherous last charge stick. Normally I do not bespokolilo, because the car always carried with a charger, but now the car is my far !!! This one option I had not foreseen. # $% &! (inaudible).
We arrived in Krasnogorsk. The inspector is clearly in a friendly greeting the doctor. That made me wary. The probability of collusion increases. Doctor:
 - Sit somknite, lift, arise, move apart, Pull out, ottopyrte, dotrontes. Hmm ... (scratching turnips) Blow. Again blow (another device). Hmm ... (scratching turnips).
Somewhere to go along with the inspector. "So I think," is about to begin. Time about 12. I called home to his wife, "I'm here ... it is delayed a little bit ... all right, just ... well, you go to bed, do not wait. No, of course, I'll come, but later ... ". I want to call a friend, but the phone is switched off - the battery is drained away. A charge in the car for 30 km from here. All think this @ # $% &! (Inaudible).
It is midnight. A new day !!!
Beginning doctor:
 - Yes, lucky you.
 - ?????
 - We have equipment for two thousand dollars, not what the inspectors, no we do not show the black bread, only alcohol. And there you have it almost "0».
HOORAY! I am free! The inspector returns and takes me right back to the car.
At 2 am, I get home. At 6 in the morning to get up to 7 to be in Istria and take the driver Kamaza№1 to 8 to come with him in the CHT in zavolokolame, because in 8 starts us right tractor bulldozer, and we do not want it to without us Kamaz and pulled out a second left.
But I can not sleep - the adrenaline rolls over! Along the way, I realize that I had a foot of wet feet walking on wet clay, but I do not even feel it. I would like to nazhra a drink to relax, but to do that you can not, for 4 hours is not exactly shatter, and tomorrow (ie today) to go again in Istria, and where those beastly traffic police ... So lain awake 4:00, get up. Coffee, lots of sugar (I need a power !!!), a sandwich, and leave on Novorigu see almost next 2 accident. In one of them from a foreign car shot off the face.

A 50 meters in front of the engine lying around her.

Yes, the morning once again started not with kindness ...
At 7 I was in Ispra, the driver took me Kamaza№1 8 in the village next to the CHT, the driver took Kamaza№2. We go with him for a tractor in a nearby village. Brave tractor Kohl (sorry ran out of batteries in fotike, was unable to sfotat) in a padded jacket, a curly head and constantly smiling toothless mouth - a true representative of the species homo derevensus, comes to our place on his little caterpillar bulldozer DT-75. After him comes UAZ. It turns out that it was sent to a special person to observe Kolya that he did not get drunk and do not get lost somewhere, and went back to work! Kohl 5 minutes pulls both of KAMAZ, and I think they even start and have not had time, he pulled them right portage.

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