How to build a healthy relationship? 10 most important rules. Bashny.Net

1. Orientation to popular belief, gender attitudes or parental instructions. Stereotypes in general strongly prevent and limit our lives. As a result, we are not ready to accept a particular person - such as it is, to put up with his "shortcomings" or "weakness", even if we like it and fit.

2. Illusions / unrealistic expectations. In any relationship - and first love - we accept their suitcases (often unconscious) hope and imagination. We draw yourself a nice picture of the future. Expectations for - once again - a real person disappears. We cherish their own dreams, but those who actually before us and what he can do - we do not see.

3. Excessive, unnecessary requirements. And when we showed on the horizon the Prince in his life already built in, the future of the children come up with the names, everything, everything painted, there is here it is - "what it is you do not do what I expect?" "You're a man - you have to." "You're a woman - you should».

4. The desire to remake another. Many of us love associated with the similarity. Feeling that we think the same way, love is the same, creates the illusion of intimacy, unity and security. And in this cloudless merging each difference, otherness perceived very painful. And people do not understand that if they love each other - such "imperfect", it means that for some reason. And if another change, not the fact that he'll, new, love it. And - more importantly - you will like it.

5. Attempts to dominate the relationship. As well as the desire to be a major, manage, monitor, advise, strangle him with his love, and to impose their idea of ​​happiness. You can see it all at the beginning of the relationship? You can! Do not buy into the care, do not get involved in a relationship before truly know a person. See how it relates to other people (parents, friends, colleagues, his former).

6. The reverse side of the preceding paragraph: losing yourself in a relationship. Willingness to dissolve in a loved one, constantly adjust, save, humiliate or belittle yourself. And deep down, wait reward for sacrifice - to wait for gratitude, devotion, a dedication or even ghost "someday he'll understand!" If you do not feel self-worth, the people around them, alas, too, will not appreciate and respect you.

7. Violation of communication. This is when, instead of an open and secure communications, requests clear, calm discussion desires, sound criticism, complaints, recriminations, assaults and conflicting messages. When listening, but they hear not just what is wrong - slamming doors, suspended, silent. Or think, "he must guess what I want».

8. Games. Maintain a list of conquered and subsequently broken hearts, "want to meet with me - you will find the opportunity," "I'll deny it, let me run" and symmetrical "the less we love a woman, the more she likes us." Immediately get rid of the illusion that someday grow into a strong game, partnerships.

9. Theory of rotten bananas. Each of us has his negative traits. And in the beginning of a relationship we tend to hide these "rotten bananas" behind his back, sticking out all the good and bright. And when the "object" bite, here we are rotten bananas and lectured him: "What is it? - And this is my character, be patient! "If we can not be yourself, true, maybe it's not the relationship for which you have to keep.

10. But perhaps the biggest mistake - it's fear. Afraid to express themselves, afraid of intimacy, absorption or, conversely, loneliness, afraid to choose the "wrong" or make a mistake. Any mistake - this is a valuable experience, and the need to retain the right to it, because it is an error to help us learn something new. Remember: even if you repeatedly build a relationship "with the wrong" people and step on the same rake, then this rake you for something needed.