Tips — the kind of antisanti

Lately I've started noticing how people love to Dole out advice right and left. What okay, if you had been successful in the area in which advice is given. And so it is not clear on what basis their advice should be trusted. On the pages of popular bloggers to notice, as subscribers turn to him with a request to give advice. What is not in the professional area for the blogger. But the strange thing is that the blogger is yoga, after all, happy something advises in the area of relationships. For the result of their advice, he, of course, is not the answer.

What is the Council?

The Council, in my understanding this instruction + instruction to act on how to act to another person in a given situation. Base this instruction is the personal experience of the limits of personal perception and beliefs. The phrase "I advise you" means nothing but "I give you an order to action."

I read somewhere that the orders is, in fact, advice given with an air of importance and command voice. And I have a agreement with this. Therefore, we can get angry, if we do not follow the advice.

Not taking advice, we always run the risk to hurt the guy, because we are in fact instructed to act, and we ignored it. Sure many can remember their mom, dad, possibly other relatives, friends, comrades and acquaintances, who were offended and angry at you for something you did not listen to their advice. Yet it is difficult to resist the phrase "I told you so/well!" when you did and you have something did not happen.

The purpose of this phrase is that the next time you listen to their advice and acted in accordance with them. That is do their instruction to act. Rejecting or not taking advice, you reject or do not accept a teaching adviser. It's clear that it can hurt. After all, it is very important that his advice was used. Further explain why.

What distinguishes the Council from recommendations?

If the Board is some guidance and indication as you do, then a recommendation is a suggestion. Both can not be taken. But the difference from the recommendation is that if you ignore the advice — you can get back offense, but if you ignore the recommendation, then the probability that it will be offended less. The recommendation is a soft form Board, so to speak. Less principled and intolerant of objections. In contrast to the Council.

Who gives advice?

Tips given by those who want confirmation of their success in some knowledge. Anyone who wants to raise their credibility and value to others. Anyone who wants to be needed and important. And he who does not believe in the ability of the person what he advises. When we believe in someone we do not suggest, agree.

And if you begin to advise without a request, so I doubt that this person is able to find the right solution. For example children. We are confident that we know what is best for them and that they are not able to make the right decisions. Only up to a certain age literate parent will give instructions to action i.e. advice (do so) and then allow the child to explore the world independently and to make mistakes.

The more you hand out advice and trying to save someone, the more in need of affirmation and recognition of their talents. Distribution tips this issue is not resolved. Need to raise self-esteem. However in this respect there is an exception to the rule. I'll write about it in the end, in the notes.

Why the counselor is so important to his advice been used?

In the first paragraph I promised I'll tell you about it. Tell. When people give advice without being asked — he teaches. He demonstrates his knowledge about something and wants other people used it. And when the other person acts based on instructions of the adviser for the adviser this is a sign of trust and authority for the other.

The Advisor just wants to teach to establish that he done that need it and that he useful to society. He does not care, while satisfying your own selfishness, it is a factor that interferes with another person to learn to accept their decisions and make their choice. And if, using the advice of others, people will get the negative result, the counselor never say that his advice was crap!

He says that this Council has incorrectly used that it did not adhere to the end that used it in the wrong conditions and even head and share a bunch of nonsense, but would not recognize that the Council has not worked. Recognize yourself, advisors?!

The advisers already too low self-esteem, to understate it even more, recognizing their mistakes.

Who needs tips?

Now I want to remember the people mentioned in the beginning. That jump through the pages of the bloggers who paint there own, sometimes it really, sentimental stories and asked for advice. Advice only helps those people who are not used to make decisions in his own life.

Ask for advice means to avoid making independent decisions. When my clients, in particular their situation and ask me a question "What to do?" I don't give them the answer. I not the adviser. I ask them another question: "what can you do? What are your options?" Nothing surprising in the fact that they themselves find solutions. Because they have no choice. I don't simplify their lives and not doing a disservice. My goal is to develop their skill to make decisions and take responsibility for the outcome of those decisions. But asking for advice from an incompetent person, who asks, in other words, asks to find a solution instead.

Advisers help advise. Mental laziness begging progresses. The adviser stated in its relevance. So here I want to note that one of the other will always find. Everyone in this tandem gets its. To conclude this point, I would like to add that advisers need only those who do not want to take responsibility for the result of proper decisions, because in this case there is always the possibility to always shift the blame for a bad result on others.

The more you ask and use other people's advice, the more you refuse to think with their own brains and buy their own experience. Remembering himself and his clients as the needs of another Council, I will say unequivocally that in this state, sense of responsibility, confidence and independence almost at zero. Those who found themselves, it makes sense to assess these qualities.

Tips who does not?

People who have already passed the stage of self-assertion, refrain from giving advice and even when someone asks them to suggest something, rather then give their recommendations (wishes), often warning that they are based on personal experience, which may differ from the experience of the person who requests the Council and are not the ultimate truth.

One day I noticed that trying to convince his friend what's best for him to do in his situation. My guess is, if he did so he suggest, he would have been okay. But he wouldn't listen to me, and I became more insistent. It seemed to me that I'll get through. But he had another angle on this situation. I was angry that he never listens to me.

Flashed the thought: "what are you so wooden?" And here I told myself "STOP!" Began to consider the situation. Wood was I, because some time I noticed that my friends do not on my frequency. Then traced the feeling on which I acted. It was the desire to help, but it stemmed from vanity. I wish I read. Conclusion: I was angry that my friend did not want to listen to me and thereby help yourself. And then (attention!), he refused to support my vanity.

You know? And the same story with other people, which is something we suggest or we are trying to send. We just in this deep digging are not always aware. And they are even more so.

The advice does not only one who has no vanity.

Who advice needed?

To me and to all those who already know the value of the acquisition purely personal experience in decision-making and action. They do not need and those who are not afraid of responsibility for the result of these decisions and actions. These people are not asking the advice of others and treat unsolicited advice cautiously and carefully. For example, when I someone something begins to actively advise, I always think, "Hmm. I wonder why suddenly this man decided that I needed his advice?

It is a pity that he will not receive from me what he so energetically invested, generating the best decisions." I saw many counselors continued to watch them, and she was in the role. I know the motives of these efforts. Therefore, it does not work with me nor with those who, like me, saw these motifs. Tips are not necessary for those who own them are able to give and know how their own brains to think.

In the process of writing this article, I have also had a few notes that do not belong to the points in the article, but I find them useful and will add in footnotes.

The Council is also antisemite. "I suggest you do so" in a lucid language as follows: "don't get your own experience, you find your own best solutions, take advantage of what you offer me."

There are people that frankly annoy/enrage someone else's advice. They did not ask for and do not accept. If you are in the number, it makes sense to ask the question: "How do I treat myself when trying to advise others and to tell them how to act?" Most likely you just do not notice a counselor and lifeguard, and the response to people with the same quality suggests that something in yourself to work on.

Sometimes people consult you or ask your advice in the area of your personal competence, and you really have resourcesto give this advice (trainees, students, customers, followers). If there is confidence in the question where I ask your advice, then you can share your skills. If you feel insecure about your own recommendations, I personally abstain from them so as not to damage anything and so doesn't know what to do. We remember (is it?) what the Council means pointing to the action.

But when the situation concerns the acquisition of new skills, a person may need such instruction to act to develop it and then he asks him. For example, you need to invest money. You don't know how to do it. Therefore, refer to a specialist in Finance, and he gives you solutions. But if they come to you with a similar request, but you are not a specialist in the field of Finance, then the best advice from you will be such to find and consult with him. Otherwise you can hurt.


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Sometimes the word "Council" appears in circulation just as word that best fits the context. That is, sometimes a person tells you: "I'm here just advise to go to this concert" and you realize that it has nothing to do with instruction and that there is no connection with vanity and if you're at the concert don't go, then nobody will be offended. Sometimes the word "Board" has just the same form of wishes. Just people habitually to use precisely that word. published


Author: Yulia Dodonova




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