– the first in Russia so loudly and boldly expressed innovative idea: "the Child has the right to feelings"
Julia B. in his inimitable ironic manner soft told why you can't force kids to do homework, clean up toys the importance of play in a child's life, and why parents need to support the thirst of the game in children.
Parental care focused around how to raise a child. We with Alexey Nikolaevich by Rudakov (Professor of mathematics Y. B. spouse) is also in recent years professionally doing this. But in this case it is impossible to be a professional at all. Because to raise a child is a peace of work and art,
I'm not afraid to say it. So when you get to meet his parents, I don't want to teach, Yes, I myself don't like it when they teach me how to do it.
I think that generally the precept is a bad noun, especially in terms of how to raise a child. About education is to think thoughts he needs to share, they need to discuss.
I propose to think together about this very difficult and honorable mission – to educate children. I know from experience and meetings, and questions that I get asked that a case often rests on the simple things. "How to make so that the child has learned the lessons, cleaned toys to eat with a spoon, and did not climb fingers in the dish, and how to get rid of its tantrums, neposlushaniya how to make it not rude, etc. etc.?"
The simple answer to this is no. When interact with the child and the parent, and grandmother, it turns out complex system in which the twisted thoughts, attitudes, emotions, habits. And installation sometimes damaging, is no knowledge, understanding each other.How to make baby want to learn?
Yes, after all, not force. As you can't force love. So let's first talk about more General things.
There are fundamental principles, or fundamental knowledge which I would like to share.
Without distinguishing between play and work
To begin with, what kind of person you want to raise your child
. Of course, everyone has in mind a: happy and successful. And what do you mean successful? There is some uncertainty. A successful person is what?
Nowadays it is accepted that success is to have money. But the rich also cry, and one can become successful in the material sense, but whether he's successful emotional life, that is, good family, good mood? Not a fact. So "happy" is very important: and can be a happy person, not very high social or financial climbed? Can. And here you have to think which pedal to press in the child's upbringing, he grew up happy.
I would like to start at the end – with a successful happy adults
. About half a century ago such a successful happy adults were examined by the psychologist Maslow. The result revealed several unexpected things. Maslow began to explore the special people among his friends, and biographies and literature. The studied feature of it was that they lived very well. In some intuitive sense, they get satisfaction from life. Not just a pleasure, because pleasure is very primitive: got drunk, went to sleep is also a kind of pleasure.
The satisfaction was of a different kind – the studied people liked to live and work in their chosen profession or field, get pleasure from life. I then remember the line of Pasternak:
"Alive, alive and only,
Alive and only until the end".
Maslow noticed that the person, actively living, there is a range of other properties
- These people are friendly, they communicate very well, they have, in General, not very large circle of friends, but true, they are good friends, and good friends with them, talk, they love deeply, and deep love in familial or romantic relationships.
- When they work, they play, they do not distinguish between work and play. Work, they play, playing, they work.
- They have a very good self esteem, not inflated, they are not outstanding are not standing over other people, but treat yourself with respect.
Would you like to live? I would really like. And would you like to this child grew up? Of course.
Five – ruble for deuces – lash
The good news is that children are born with such potential
. In children has the potential not only physiological in the form of a definite brain mass. Children have a life force, creative force.
I will remind you very often uttered the words of Tolstoy, that the child from five to me is one step, from one year to five years, he runs a great distance. And from birth to years the child crosses the abyss. The life force that motivates the development of a child, but somehow we take it for granted that has the items already smiled, making noises, got up, already gone, already began to speak.
And if you draw a curve of human development, first it goes up, then slows down and here we are – adults. If she stops somewhere? Maybe she even falls down.To be alive is not to stop and not fall over. To curve life growing up and in adulthood, it is necessary in the beginning to support the dynamic forces of the child. Give him the freedom to develop.
Here begins the difficulty – what do you mean freedom?
Immediately begins educational note: what he wants, and does. Therefore it is not necessary so to put the question. The baby wants a lot, he climbs in all cracks, to touch, to take in the mouth, the mouth is a very important body of knowledge. The child wants to climb everywhere, everywhere, well, not to fall, but at least to test their strength, climbing up and down may be embarrassing to break something, to break something, something to throw, something to get dirty, to get into a puddle and so on. In these trials, in all these pursuits it develops, they are necessary.The saddest thing is that it can fade.
Quenched curiosity, if the child is told not to ask stupid questions: grow – know. You can still say enough to you stupid things to do, so you'd better...
Our participation in the development of the child, increase his curiosity might extinguish his desire for development. We do not give that baby right now. Maybe something to ask of him. When the child shows resistance, we also extinguish. It is really horrible to extinguish the human resistance.
Parents often ask how I feel about penalties. Punishment
occurs when I, as a parent, want one, and the child wants another, and I want him to push. If you do not do according to my will, then I will punish you or to feed: five – ruble for deuces – lash.
To children's self-development should be treated very carefully. Now began to apply methods of early development, early reading, early preparation for school.But children need to school to play!
Those adults, whom I mentioned at the beginning, Maslow called them SamAccountName — they play all my life.
One of samoistyazatel (according to his bio), Richard Feynman – physicist and Nobel laureate. I in his book describes how Feynman's father, a simple merchant work clothes, brought up the future of the winner. He walked with the baby for a walk and asked: why do you think birds clean their feathers? Richard says: they shift their feathers after the flight. The father says: look, those who came and those who were sitting, straighten the feathers. Yes, says Feynman, is my version wrong.
Thus the father raised the son in curiosity
. When Richard Feynman grew up a little bit, he entangled his house wires, making an electrical circuit, and arranged all there calls, consecutive and parallel connections of light bulbs, and then fix the tape in a County in 12 years.
Is an adult physicist talks about his childhood: "I played all the time, I was very interested in everything around, for example, why the tap water comes. I thought of a curve, why there is the curve – I don't know, and I began to calculate, certainly it has long been calculated, but what does it matter!"
When Feynman was a young scientist, he worked on the atomic bomb project, and then came a period when head it seemed to him empty. "I thought, perhaps, I am already exhausted,' recalled a scientist then. – In this moment in the cafe where I was sitting, one student threw a plate to the other, and she turns and sways on his finger, and the fact that it is spinning and how fast, it was visible, because at the bottom it was a drawing. And I noticed that spinning it faster 2 times than swinging. I wonder what the ratio of rotation and oscillation?
I was thinking something calculated and shared with the Professor, a major physicist. He says: Yes, interesting observation, but what is that to you? It's just so, out of interest, I say. He shrugged. But I'm not impressed, I began to think and to apply this rotation and oscillation when you work with atoms."
As a result, Feynman made a major discovery for which he received the Nobel prize. It began with the saucer, which the student left the café. This reaction – a child's perception, which is preserved in physics. He's not slowed in its liveliness.
Allow the child to Tinker myself
Let's get back to our children. Than we can help them to not slow down their liveliness. On this thought many talented educators such as Maria Montessori. Montessori said: do not interfere, the child is engaged in something, let him do, do not catch anything from him, no action, no tying laces, no climbing on the chair.
Not told him, don't criticize, these amendments are killing the desire to do something. Allow the child to Tinker yourself.
Must have a great respect for the child, to his trial, to his efforts.
Our friend the mathematician was led by a circle with preschoolers and asked them a question: what more in the world, quadrangles, squares or rectangles? It is clear that rectangles more rectangles, smaller, and even smaller squares. Boys 4-5 years all said in unison that the squares more. The teacher was pomysla, gave them time to think and be left alone. Eighteen months later, at the age of 6 years, his son (he attended the club) said, "Dad, we missed, quadrilaterals more."Questions more important than answers. Do not rush to give answers.
It is not necessary to raise a child
Children and parents in learning, if we are talking about schools, suffer from a lack of motivation.
Children do not want to learn and understand. Much is not understood, and learns. You know – when you read the book, you do not want to remember it by heart. It is important for us to grasp the essence, to live and to survive. This school does not, the school requires learning from sih paragraph.
You can't understand the baby physics or mathematics, from children's misunderstanding often growing aversion of the exact Sciences. I watched the boy who was sitting in the bath, penetrated into the secret of multiplication: "Oh! I realized that multiplication and addition are one and the same. Here are the three boxes underneath the three cells, it's still what I three and three-folded or three twice!" for him it was a complete discovery.
What happens with children and parents when the child does not understand the task?
Begins: how can you not, read again, that's the question you see, write down the question, still to be written. Well, I think to myself – and he doesn't know how to think. If there is a misunderstanding and the situation of learning of the text instead of penetration into an essence – it's wrong, it's not interesting, it hurts the self-esteem, because mom and dad mad, and I'm a dunce. As a result, I don't want to do it, I'm not interested, I won't.How can you help your child?
Observe where he doesn't understand and that he understands. We were told that it was very difficult to learn arithmetic in school, for adults in Uzbekistan, and when the disciples watermelons traded, they are all correctly folded. So when the child does not understand something, we must proceed from the practical things it is clear that he is interested. And there he lay down, everyone will understand. So you can help your child, not teaching it, not in school.
If we are talking about school, there methods of mechanical education tutorial and exam. Motivation is lost not only from misunderstanding, and from "necessary". A common problem parents when desire is replaced by debt.
Also interesting: Julia simultaneously: Allow children to achieve all itselfJulia simultaneously: do Not live FOR your child!
Life begins with desire, the desire disappears – the life is lost.
Better to be an ally to the wishes of the child. I give the example of mother 12-the summer girl. The girl doesn't want to learn and go to school, doing homework with scandals, only when mom comes home from work. My mother went to the radical decision – to leave her alone. Girl lasted half a week. Even the week she could not resist. Was, as she told me about a month, and the question was closed. But first, Mama mangle that one should not ask.
So, if children will not obey, we will punish them, and if they obey, it will become boring and passive. An obedient child may leave school with a gold medal, but he is not interested to live. The happy, successful person we have drawn will not work. Although mom or dad is a very responsible approach to its educational functions. That's why I sometimes say that it is not necessary to raise a child
Author: Nina Arkhipova, of dialogue with a meeting with Yulia Gippenreiter
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©