7 Types of People You Should Never Ask for Relationship Advice

When there are difficulties in the relationship, we try to share with close experiences, get support and, perhaps, good advice. However, it is not so simple: sometimes it is “good recommendations” that lead to even greater mistakes. The reason is simple – not every “adviser” has adequate life experience, the ability to understand human nuances and the ability to neutralize the situation. Moreover, some people tend to transfer their own complexes and life failures to others, advising that they themselves did not save, but only aggravated the situation.

In this article, we will talk about seven types of people who should never ask for relationship advice. The material is of a popular scientific nature, based on generally accepted psychological concepts and research of the American Psychological Association (APA). It is intended for a wide adult audience, striving for high-quality and conscious interaction with partners, friends and colleagues.

Advice is only opinions, sometimes dictated by subjective experience or ulterior motives. When listening to someone, be attentive to what values and style of thinking the person conveys to you. It’s often best to trust a professional or someone whose personal life demonstrates the harmony and maturity you want.


Main part
1. "Eternal Skeptics"
The first and probably one of the most dangerous types to get advice are people who see the world only in gloomy colors. Skeptics, critics, and “bad ending predictors” have the ability to reduce everything to “nothing will work” and “why try at all.” For them, any novel is doomed to failure, and any problems are a sign of deep incompatibility.

• Why don't you ask: They can “infect” you with their frustration. You will begin to see the problem as unsolvable, even though there are ways out.
• Alternative: If you need a look from the outside, it’s best to talk to a person who can see different aspects of a situation without falling into pessimism.

2. Those who do not know how to build close relationships
If a person has not had a long-term relationship or constantly complains that “everyone around is bad,” his advice is unlikely to be useful to you. Of course, everyone has the right to privacy, but when choosing an adviser, it is worth considering whether he has successful experience in the field he broadcasts about.

1. Symptom: He/she always quarrels with partners, lives in endless disappointments, but at the same time undertakes to teach you to “behave correctly”.
2. Risk: You can absorb negative attitudes that will only exacerbate your conflict or lead to useless breakups.
3. Observation: Experience is not the only criterion, but if it is not at all, where does expertise come from?

3. Too resentful of the world.
Some people accumulate grievances for years - on former partners, on parents, on fate. Their own pain is projected into advice to others: “What are you waiting for?” He will betray you, or all men and women are the same. Such a position may have real reasons, but it is one-sided and often unfair.

• Danger: By adopting their grievances, you can begin to see partners through the prism of suspicion and distrust, which destroys any relationship.
• Strategy: It is better to listen to people who have managed to process pain and draw conclusions, not those who are stuck in the past.

4. Chronically “perfect” people
At the other extreme are people who create the appearance of a perfect life: no wrinkles on relationships, no endless smiles in the photo, no hint of quarrels. By listening to them, you run the risk of losing sight of the real challenges that come with any union. Advice from such “idealists” is often too general and does not take into account individual nuances.

1. Why caution: “Ideal people” usually silence problems and reduce everything to the banal “just trust more!”, “just be honest!” That sounds nice, but it doesn't help in a particular conflict.
2. Better look. Those who recognize that relationships require work and are willing to talk about mistakes and compromises.

5. Gossip and "any reason to talk"
There are people who love to discuss other people’s business. They can listen to your story, but not to help, but to have a fresh topic to talk to. That is why giving them information about your personal life is very risky.

• What to expect: Your problems will become public, and advice will only be a “cover” for questions.
• Council: Avoid opening up to such people because any word you say can be used in an unhealthy context.

6. People always tell you to break up.
There is a category of friends or acquaintances who, whenever a problem arises in a relationship, immediately declare: “Let him/her go!” For them, parting is a universal solution. Against the background of negative emotions, you can accept this as true, but it is worth thinking: sometimes, of course, parting is justified, but not always.

1. Motive: Such people may think that maintaining a relationship is difficult, and “why suffer if you can end it?” But it's a simplistic approach that ignores the value of working together on conflicts.
2. Think about it. Do you want to improve your relationship or do you really want to end it? The hasty advice to “break it all” does not take into account the complexity of the situation.

7. People who broadcast manipulative communication style
Another type of “adviser” is those who actively promote manipulation: “Pretend to care, let him be jealous”, “Use secret pressure”, “Don’t speak directly, make him (her) guess”. These strategies may work temporarily, but lead to mistrust and tension.

• Risk: You become a player and lose your sincerity. The partner feels artificial. Such behavior can destroy trust.
• Council: Healthy relationships are built on direct dialogue, respect and transparency, not tricks and tricks.

Conclusion
We all sometimes seek advice, or at least ears ready to listen, when there is a crisis, doubt, or just a need for fresh eyes. But the choice of whom to turn to is extremely important. If you turn to people who don’t know how to build healthy relationships, are overly angry or even prefer manipulation, don’t be surprised that their advice takes you even further away from solving the problem.

When listening to someone else’s opinion, ask yourself questions: “Does this person have a constructive experience?”, “Does he have ulterior motives such as resentment, envy, desire to use my situation for their own benefit?”, “Do his words reflect my own values and approach to life?”

It is wiser to turn to professional psychologists or people whose own partner stories inspire trust and admiration. They can at least offer a perspective based on personal (or professional) positive experiences. If there are no such options, it can be more useful to talk with a close friend who does not give ready-made solutions, but helps you formulate your thoughts, asking the right questions.

Remember, the decision is always yours. Advisers are only a “hint” and not the ultimate truth. Consider the context, listen to different opinions, but draw conclusions from your own feelings and rational analysis. After all, sincerity and responsible love are the most important thing in a relationship, not following dogmas that come from people whose values may be radically different from yours.