Chronicle of a diet

First week.
 The first day.
 10-00 He called me stand. It's a shame, but when you look in the mirror, the impression that I did, I remind furniture.
 - Sam goat - I muttered. But the thought sunk.
 15-00 Going to the store to dot all the i. 18-00 total collapse. They do not sew covers for pianos. A filthy eyes seller in response to my request to bring pants size 44, I will remember, even on his deathbed.
Klein was shoved to the hope that they have 44.5. I wish I did not do it! Vydryuchennaya girl rushed to my dressing room, as the suburban train between Pendyukino and Mamyr.
44.5, 45, 46, 46.5. The process stopped at 48. Coming home, nazhrus laxative and die.
 23-00. There was a laxative. I am looking for all kinds of excuses. Anyway, what a pig invented the "perfect figure"?
I went to the mirror, and try to draw the stomach. The stomach does not show any signs of life, and hangs like a purse from the night watchman. So what? What is this, I ask that? I gave birth to 3 months ago, and it is right to have a little bit better. - Do you hear me bore you a child!
 - Yeah. But the sight of you is as if inside the load to a child is a cot "Mozhga" and chest of drawers with changing table.
 - Goat - Burcu me. And I understand that I repeat.
 Need to do something.
 24-00. I'm on the internet. Lovers of guinea pigs, the club fans of Mickey Mouse, Movement "drilled through the earth ..." Diets! Here! This is exactly what I need. So we delve.
 0-15. Hmm ...
 Separate food in the spirit of "do not eat goat kakami kozinaki" sweep aside immediately. - Firstly, its crap on TV recently, and secondly - this system of eating food, require binding to a specific time.
With their habits produce tasting the contents of the refrigerator after 23, I clearly can not stand.
 Rice Chinese diet ... even sound like complete shit.
Firstly, I am not Chinese, and secondly to go to the toilet with a screwdriver - entertainment not for the faint of heart. Wherefore also dismisses.
 In the same shopping cart go 'eggs and oranges "," coffee with bran "and" God's gift to the eggs. " Of course, I understand that even the name of one of these diets to lose weight may be tight, but do not want to be a pioneer.
 "The diet of the Musi" with "cooking" does not roll too. Maybe Musya and can jam lettuce carrot tops ... but I make up my mind to it only if I appoint a mare in the main city zoo. Or well, it tries this diet?
 100. There she is! 5 weeks - 5% dairy products and raw vegetables at any time and in any quantity. The last four words to raise the tone so that I lomlyus into the next room, and inform his wife that he should immediately go to the store, so that in the morning I have a new life begins.
 1-30. While the husband went to "Ramstore" Ferreira had to eat a packet of Roche. Who knows ... all the same 5 weeks ahead ...
 At the same time I read the comments to the diet. Some girl managed to lose as much as 15 kilograms, because along the way went to the gym, and now wears a "Children's World" section of "For infants» ...
 That there should be as lucky, damn it! Tomorrow Record to the nearest sports club !!!
! 2-00. Asleep, imagining myself chick from advertising antiperspirants. Beauty!

Second day.
 23-00. The mood is cheerful as ever. I would like a lifetime to eat yogurt and Chinese cabbage!
 By the way, is a great idea (it is in the sense of a lifetime).
 Yes, I enrolled in a gym.
 The instructor looks like the abuser from the video Playboy scene "in the stables." On this occasion, I had to buy astounding physical shape - red pants and black top. True, a little annoyed own husband. - Say, why put off a lot of money at one time? Well, he knows me yet!

Day Three.
 23-00. Hmm ... I'm afraid I do not know, not only the husband, but my own mother. What a fag came up to the bench press?
 I think there is still something about the instructor wrote ... In short, I sensed evil, when the Hitler Youth, led me to a treadmill. You grit to familiarize run along it for about 10 minutes or even 20, including 11 speed and merged with the walls.
 In the third minute of the marathon, I realized that, it seems, already acquainted with everything and with an introduction time to tie.
 A minute later, I realized that if the garbage will not stop, I break through the wall and end up in Voronezh.
 After 10 minutes, I really began to feel that I'm on the 11 speed rushes to the gate of Voronezh and looming girl with a wreath and a key to the city.
 In all this the only good news is that when this fag (I'm an instructor) per me to the bench, weighed, I still half a ton.
 2-00. I seized shame yogurt with raisins. Sleep does not seem to work.

Day Four.
 10-00. I am in bed. Remind Pinocchio raped Artemon - because the wooden arms and legs, and my heart lousy. The baby sits grandmother. It offers to cook soup, or even eggs.
 Courageously refuse. Woe eater and "Karat" and grated carrot.
 17-00. I wrestle with what to tell his wife, about the fact that in the gym the next day, I did not vypihnesh and bulldozer Caterpillar.
 18-00. I came to the conclusion that the excuse "Just because I do not want", supported by a pair of broken vases, sounds quite convincing.
 23-00. Oh, how wrong I was! I not only do not regret it, but was told that if I 'do not stop whining about the sport, "I strenozhat and transferred to a sports club in person.
 2-00. I pick out the raisins yogurt and dream of a divorce.

The seventh day.
 23-00. If everything goes at such a pace, the Valentine's Day instead of a ring with Brule, you will require a couple of crutches beech with rubber handles.
 I want to eat enormously, but this bastard even threw bread in the fridge :( - solid "Karat" and onions.
 2-00. Small holiday! I found a dried up piece of sausage. Nothing that hawala it had a toilet. But for the first time I went to sleep quietly.
 2-30. The aunt of advertising funds from sweat - you fool!

The second week.
 Day Three.
 10-00. Today, for the first time I got up on the scales. Wow! I became better at 2 kg.
 Zhru cabbage with redoubled force, simultaneously squeezed her "Tang" th.

The fifth day.
 17-00. What a pity that the Hungarian sausages - this is not 5% of dairy products.
 19-00. Hooray! I think I found the switch that fucking treadmill!
 23-00. Life is over. Today, breezing Lenka with cake "Flight." We opizdyurili it for a couple exactly 30 minutes before the arrival of her husband. Just when he rang the doorbell, I threw out the window box with twine.
 2-00. Life is really over. The box was left lying on the window sill on the other side.
 2-30. That would have married heifer that advertises antiperspirants.

The third week.
 Second day.
 17-00. I took off another 2 kg ... Hmm ... So a "flight" of hire. Do not try any more?

The fourth week.
 The fifth day.
 23-00. In general, the bench press - not such a terrible bollocks.

The fifth week.
 The seventh day.
 10-00. Today, the control campaign to the store. Behind - 7 pounds of humiliation and abuse. Social valokordin and wait for an hour "X".
 17-00. I did it! Timidly looking at konsultantku in "HTS" asked jeans size 46. I was looking round contemptuously from head to toe, her aunt poperlas to the bracket. 46 I hung on. Yeah, like a purse from the night watchman. Not believing his luck as Odessa miner suddenly bit her landmine, I asked to bring me 44.
Needless to say, that it was just right! But then everything went as usual, and therefore, good-naturedly. I returned home with a bunch of junk most enjoyable content.
 23-00. The husband sits and counts the losses from shopping. The losses are great, but he is silent. Silent, because he knows that with the new forms, I simply marry a guy touting shaving lotion :)


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