8 Questions That Will Help You Decide, Break Up or Stay in a Relationship

A scientific approach to one of life's most difficult decisions




Standing at the crossroads of a relationship is one of the most painful experiences in a person’s life. When the heart says one thing, the mind another, and intuition is silent, we find ourselves in an emotional dead end. Psychologists say that it is important not to rely solely on emotions, but to structure your thoughts and feelings.


Studies show that people who make decisions based on structured analysis are 73% more likely to be satisfied with their choices in the long run.


Why we are stuck in uncertainty

Neuropsychology explains this phenomenon by the conflict between the limbic system of the brain responsible for emotions and the prefrontal cortex, which controls rational thinking. When these systems are in conflict, we experience cognitive dissonance, a state of mental discomfort that occurs when conflicting beliefs or desires clash.

Mark Twain once said, “The worst loneliness is when you feel uncomfortable in your own company.” But what about a partner company? American psychologist John Gottman, who has studied relationships for more than 40 years, has identified four main hallmarks of toxic relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and a stone wall of silence.



8 key issues for decision-making

1st
Do I feel like I am around this person?


Authenticity in relationships is the foundation of psychological well-being. If you constantly adjust, hide your true views or interests, this is a sure sign of incompatibility. Healthy relationships should give space for self-expression rather than requiring constant disguise.

2.
Does my partner support my goals and ambitions?


A Harvard University study found that couples who actively support each other’s personal growth are 67 percent more likely to maintain a relationship for years to come. If your partner devalues your dreams or sabotages your efforts, that’s a red flag.



3
Is there an emotional connection between us?


Emotional intimacy involves the ability to share vulnerability, be understood and accepted. Psychotherapist Sue Johnson describes it as a "safe haven" - a place to be weak without fear of judgment or rejection.

4.
Do we resolve conflicts constructively?


Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. What is important is not their absence, but the way of solution. Healthy couples focus on the problem rather than the partner’s personality, use “messages” instead of accusations, and seek compromise.

Alarm signal: If conflicts always end in shouting, threatening, or prolonged silence, it indicates a dysfunctional communication pattern that destroys relationships from within.


5
Are our basic values aligned?


Values are the foundation of personality. Differences in views on family, career, money, parenting or life priorities can be a source of constant conflict. Compromises are possible in detail, but not in basic beliefs.

6
Do I trust this person completely?


Trust is not just about loyalty. This is the confidence that your partner will support you in difficult times, keep promises and not betray your secrets. Without trust, relationships become a constant state of anxiety and suspicion.

7
Do I see a future with this man?


The ability to imagine a future together is an indicator of the seriousness of feelings. If thoughts of long-term plans with a partner cause anxiety or reluctance, it can signal unpreparedness for serious commitments.



8.
Does this man make me better?


Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Healthy relationships should inspire growth, self-improvement, and goal achievement, rather than dragging down or encouraging destructive behavior.



Practical recommendations for decision-making

The "Letter from the Future" technique: Imagine yourself in 10 years. Write a letter to your current self describing the decision you made and how it affected your life. This exercise often helps clarify your true desires.


Method of weighted analysis

Create a table with two columns: “Remain” and “Leave”. In each column, write down all the possible consequences of the decision - emotional, social, financial, career. Rate each item on a scale of 1 to 10 according to your personal importance. This method helps to structure the chaos of thoughts and see the full picture.

30 days rule

If the solution seems obvious after analyzing eight questions, give yourself a month to think. Avoid drastic actions in a state of strong emotions. In 30 days, the emotional background stabilizes, and you can make a more balanced decision.

It's important to remember: There is no perfect relationship. The question is whether you are willing to work together or whether the obstacles seem insurmountable.




When it is worth asking for help

Sometimes the outside view is critical. Family therapy or counseling can help you see the blind spots in a relationship. Statistics show that 75% of couples who have undergone family therapy report a significant improvement in relationships.

Remember, making a decision to break up or keep a relationship is not a defeat, but an act of self-respect and honesty toward oneself and one’s partner. Whatever choice you make, it is important that it is conscious and based on a deep understanding of your needs and values.

Life is too short to be spent in relationships that don’t bring joy or grow. But it is also too valuable to lightly destroy what can be fixed.


Glossary
Cognitive dissonance is a psychological state of discomfort that occurs when conflicting beliefs, ideas, or values collide in one person.

Authenticity is the ability to be yourself, to act in accordance with your true feelings, beliefs and values, without adjusting to the expectations of others.

Emotional intimacy is a deep emotional bond between partners characterized by mutual trust, understanding, and the ability to share vulnerability.

The limbic system is a complex of brain structures responsible for emotions, motivation, memory and behavioral responses.

The prefrontal cortex is the area of the brain responsible for executive function, planning, decision-making, and impulse control.

Messages are a technique of constructive communication in which a person expresses his feelings and needs without blaming or criticizing the interlocutor.