Parting is an inevitable process. However, as the meeting.
But we, codependent creatures, more concerned about loneliness than unity with their own kind. Hence, when we are happy, we rejoice in the quiet resorts, and when grieving, howling on all Sots.network.
How two loving people start their breakup? And, most importantly, why it is inevitable?
The reason is that we are open to your favorite. We have no protection from him\her, otherwise it would have been dislike.
And in this helplessness freely is that our partner is hiding from himself.
What is he hiding such that a spoonful of tar spoils a barrel of love?
He is hiding himself from his childhood the pain received in my dear and beloved family. When our partner was a little kid, he was expecting unconditional love from their loved ones and, of course, sooner or later, there came a time when the level of parental love fell to zero due to various reasons.
Nobody can love unconditionally around the clock. Sorry, but we get tired in the usual routine of life.
However, a small child love is always needed. He greedy it and absorb it continually. And when you can't get experiences pain. And that's something he doesn't want to accept.
He chases away, expel from consciousness. Unlived energy doesn't leave my body. It remains in the subconscious. And waiting to once again remind myself.
And when in our life there is a hint of a family, there is a convenient time for this pain to emerge. To the owner it worked and released into free space.
The pain is manifested through unfulfilled expectations. On our understanding, the partner should give us what was given by the parents. And even more than they do! Favorite person, if named, should give all that were given expensive parents.
Once it\and not do what we expect it to, there is the same pain as in childhood, when dad, mom, grandma, or grandpa needs to send us a ray of his love.
Pain serves as a signal of unmet needs for love, which arose in the distant past, but our mind does not remember the beginning of the story and is offended by those close to it now.
And here is our beloved partner becomes a hostage of our children's stories. Not wanting to take the position of our parent, he begins to defend their own personal boundaries from imposing on him other functions.
— Ah, you still ignore it! You tricked me, I trusted you, considered you my family, and you don't want to take care of me? Traitor!!! I will avenge you! — shouts one to the other and receives a similar remark in response.
The pain is worse, stifles and torments both, and now both are closed to each other, to protect themselves from the poison of resentment.
The first round is over. Now they need to rest in order to re-engage in the living of their pop-up children's sufferings.
As soon as the pain will subside, the desire to fill his love tank with the other again you will start to attract them to each other. They will begin to milovitsa and bask in the warm embrace, yet again, not totally revealed.
And in this moment all again. Inside each and every child will want to prove themselves and be healed.
But these two are not ready to be therapists to one another. As they say, broken broken luck. Wounded, they expect attention, but attention needs energy. And she leaked in the past. And attention is not enough even for themselves, not what's on the other.
In such a situation the only solution is to close down, to put on the box and to find what was the wrong choice. Not the same with me man, my man with me would have acted differently!
This decision, as you know, incorrect. What you need to heal a parent, will never heal partner.
Ideally, the parents bring the child to the altar on which his waiting partner. Parents say: We brought her/him and filled with love that you were happy.
In fact, the child grew like a weed, by itself, and always looking for the love of his parents to anyone and anywhere, sometimes in religion, God, or a criminal authority in the gang of thugs.
If two people go into relationships, then relaxed, they bare all their templates to each other and at first they won't like it.
In the presence of the beloved, turns out you can't be yourself, they will decide. However, pain is not means to be yourself. Any pain restricts the space inside the Universe and indicates the restrictions to be a vast a person.
While there is pain — there is a ban to be yourself. There is an inner wounded child who is stuck without love in the internal computation of time. And if we hope that the partner will heal this pain, this partner must be very skilled therapist, but not a passionate lover.
We must heal his wounds and re-enter into the relationship healthy and happy. To rely on husband/wife, lover/mistress naive. They are as wounded as we are, because we can only draw its mirror image — a man with the same pain.
How the process of healing from their wounds and are in a happy relationship?
1. We create new images of mom and dad. These images are full of love and 24 hours/7 days a week/365 days a year fill our love tank.
2. We recognize every emotion with her, aware of each of their children's decision, where we decided to shut the love of the world around them. We open everything and be holistic.
3. We stop looking for my soul mate partner and find it within yourself. It's our Inner Man ( women) and our Inner Female ( for men).
4. We are in total integrity with yourself: with us the energy of love of the father and mother, we have the acceptance of all our feelings and emotions, our Inner Man and Woman are working together with us. We are ready for the games in the top League artists.
In such a totality we have come to partner and willing to accept it for what it is. He feels our support and faith in himself, and begins to open for filling with our love.
Now, from his selfish desire to continue to be filled with our love, he wants to be near me and to believe in the effectiveness of our path of development. Our example will inspire her own development.
So the inevitable divorce will become inevitable new meeting with the beloved. This is the way a Mature person. It is long, approximately one to two years, but still it's faster than every time to seek a new partner and to lick their wounds after the same.
Having passed their way of development, you'll never be alone and divorce in the relationship will cease to loom in your reality. These people do not quit. Their unity in this world of wounded children living in adult bodies.
Don't be afraid of pain. She is not the enemy. It just shows us our limitations. And once you choose, running from her to resort to it again and again, or go behind her and find his boundless love. published
Author: Mark Ifraimov