In the United States became fashionable “nesting”, a new way to divorce

Often Communicating with a Child After Divorce One parent is kept to a minimum. Breaking up family relationships is always difficult, especially for children. Therefore, in developed countries, a new approach to divorce - the so-called "nesting" - is becoming increasingly popular. Now we will tell you in detail what it looks like.



Discussion with children after divorce Numerous studies prove that Children are very painful divorce parents. That is why many couples are looking for a way to mitigate the unpleasant experience for the child. In recent years, many decide not to take children from the house where they are used to living with both parents, and live with them in turn.

In fact, such an unusual way of life people looked at the birds. Hence the name. "Nesting" (English birdnesting). The fact that the birds in turn remain in the nest with the chicks. People began to copy this behavior: one parent lives with the child for an agreed time. Then, when the turn of the second comes, he goes to live separately.



“We wanted to keep the children stable, not to break everything all at once,” explains Niklas Burling, 38, from Stockholm. After the divorce from his wife, they for eight months lived with the children alternately. "The kids stayed home, didn't change schools, didn't lose friends," he added. He explains that with this approach, children do not need to be torn between their parents’ two homes.

On the days when the children are cared for by his wife, Niklas lives in a spare room in his mother's house. The wife rents a room in another house. Those couples who have money even buy separate apartments or houses.

Anne Boucher, a psychotherapist from California, wrote a whole book about nesting. She says that for most people it is just that. transitional phase. But there are those who do not mind living like this for years.



It is worth noting that “nesting” has gained great popularity thanks to some celebrities. For example, after her divorce from musician Chris Martin, Gwyneth Paltrow often stayed in their common home. Anne Boucher believes that the conscious breakup of the star couple made a big impression. After all, they demonstrated that You can be friendly and respectful to each other..

How does "nesting" affect parents and children? According to divorce lawyers, this approach is gaining more and more fans in countries such as the United States, the Netherlands, Austria, Norway, Sweden. Many couples who are on the verge of breaking up relationships choose this lifestyle.

However, it is still difficult to say whether this option of divorce is the best solution for both children and parents. Although Anne Boucher, the author of a book about “nesting”, in the 90s she tried a non-standard divorce, the trend remains new and unconventional. far from clear.



The therapist believes that this option is better for children. After all, they have the opportunity to maintain their habits, gradually adapting to changes in the family. Busho surveyed dozens of families and children who had similar experiences.

36-year-old Linnea Andersdotter from Stockholm, whose parents divorced when she was 11 years old. is positive about nesting. When they first told me they were going to break up, I was very worried. But when I found out that I did not have to move anywhere, it became much easier, the woman said. It was like I was in a safe bubble while they solved their problems.



Of course, not all positively assess this approach to divorce. Many believe that “nesting” does not allow children Experiencing the divorce of parents. For Elin Linde from Oslo, whose parents took turns living with her after the divorce, the experience seemed strange and confusing.

“I didn’t know whose house it was, mom or dad. I didn't know they would eventually decide if they were going to be together again, she recalls. Malin Bergström, a child psychologist at the Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm, said: This approach only harms children..



The woman is convinced that the child, on the contrary, must learn together with his parents to face challenges. In addition, Bergström emphasizes that life in turn with each of the parents is Less stressful experiences for childrenIt's better than moving around.

Moreover, the psychologist argues that such relationships have a negative impact on the former spouses, because they Ability to survive divorce. “A person after a divorce has a desire to start his own life, move on,” says the expert. A constant return to the common room does not allow you to do this.



But there are couples for whom this lifestyle is suitable. For example, Bodil Schwinn from the Swedish city of Sollentuna and her ex-husband. She is convinced that for a successful experience of nesting between a man and a woman Good relationships must be maintained.. The woman calmly reacted to the fact that her ex-husband had a girlfriend. “A lot of people are surprised by this relationship, but it suits me,” says Baudil.

Of course, the “nest” is not available to everyone and from the point of view of materiality. Not every parent can afford a separate home. Moreover, if the relationship between a man and a woman is hopelessly spoiled, the method may simply not work.



As we can see, “nesting” is not suitable for everyone. And even among psychologists, there is no consensus on how such experiences affect parents and children. There are many ambiguous points.Divorce itself is not an easy experience. The reasons are different, as are the relationships between people. It is possible to understand the desire of parents to protect their child from psychological trauma and continue regular communication with the child after divorce. But will nesting help in this? There is no definitive answer yet.