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In spite of everything: does it make sense to maintain the relationship for the kids?
Probably, hardly anyone will dispute the fact that parental divorce is stressful for the child. However, many parents overestimate the magnitude of this stress, so I prefer to tolerate years of each other, despite the fact that love is long gone from their relationship. Whether a child is such a victim? – Responsible psychologist Maria nos.
The show must go on?
Family preservation for the child involves not only the parents live under the same roof, but maintain the visibility of the delicate relationship. And then adults get in created with his own hands the trap as truthful imitation of love – a task that is not available to everyone professional actor.
Therefore, if neither mom nor dad doesn't have the title of people's artist or Oscar on the shelf, bad game parents will be even more stressful for a child than a divorce. Here are just some of the dangers of the atmosphere of falsehood in the family:
1. The child does not experience healthy family relationships. Seeing parents play in silence, occasionally exchanging duty phrases, children adopt observable model. The child observes that adults actively interact only in situations that relate to joint purchases and school success or failure and has no ideas about how spouses can support each other, to show attention and tenderness, to have common interests.
2. If parents are only formally spouses, and in fact one of them has a different family or lead parallel lives, it forces the child to experience jealousy, resentment and hatred. Agree, these experiences are bad combined with the idea of a happy childhood in an intact family. Like any person, a child the important certainty.
If he sees that dad rarely sleeps at home and doesn't specify what goes on a business trip, living in a state of chronic stress. If a child knows that the parents live separately, but each of them tends to spend time with him at the best of their ability, then this model of relationships is simple and straightforward.
3. For a grown-up child parents ' divorce and the news that for many years they pretended to be and suffered for it, much more stressful than the experience of separation at an early age. It is difficult to understand and forgive such sophisticated deception and realize that joint trips to the coffee shop and at the zoo, posing for family photos was just a theatre production.
A child can have for life to remain the feeling of guilt due to the fact that it is the very fact of its existence has ruined the life of loved ones and friends. Like chicken pox, many troubles in childhood are transferred much easier.
When it is not necessary to hurry?
The above does not mean that you should run to the registry office, despite the presence of children. As with making any other major decision, you need to consider the slightest details of the divorce and its consequences. In some situations it makes sense to postpone this event for a while.
1. First of all, you should not get a divorce if you're not sure in your desire to leave the once loved one. As they say, on the question of whether to get a divorce, you should always answer "no" because if the person really decided to divorce, he does not ask such questions.
The changeable moods of the parents, which then diverge, then converge, a much stronger impact on the psyche of the child than their "single" the intelligent divorce. Imagine what it's like to live as on a powder keg, and fear that the parents run to divorce due to the fact that the Pope did not like oversalted soup. 2. If the child is experiencing due to the unpleasant or tragic events (e.g., death of a relative, separation from "first love"), it is not necessary to aggravate his stress. Better to wait until the divorce a month or two, the child is able to adequately withstand the coming trials.
3. You should carefully consider all financial issues and to create a kind of "safety cushion" to the quality and the rhythm of a child's life did not deteriorate too sharply as the result of separation of the parents. Of course, it is not necessary to lock myself in a Golden cage for the sake of the child continued to eat spoonfuls of caviar, but it is important to try, for example, to pay for training in a circle or section to the end of the school year.
Otherwise, the divorce of parents is associated of a son or daughter with a complete collapse of all aspects of life: change of residence, school, friends and Hobbies. published
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: letidor.ru/article/sokhranyat-otnosheniya-radi-de_185609/
The show must go on?
Family preservation for the child involves not only the parents live under the same roof, but maintain the visibility of the delicate relationship. And then adults get in created with his own hands the trap as truthful imitation of love – a task that is not available to everyone professional actor.
Therefore, if neither mom nor dad doesn't have the title of people's artist or Oscar on the shelf, bad game parents will be even more stressful for a child than a divorce. Here are just some of the dangers of the atmosphere of falsehood in the family:
1. The child does not experience healthy family relationships. Seeing parents play in silence, occasionally exchanging duty phrases, children adopt observable model. The child observes that adults actively interact only in situations that relate to joint purchases and school success or failure and has no ideas about how spouses can support each other, to show attention and tenderness, to have common interests.
2. If parents are only formally spouses, and in fact one of them has a different family or lead parallel lives, it forces the child to experience jealousy, resentment and hatred. Agree, these experiences are bad combined with the idea of a happy childhood in an intact family. Like any person, a child the important certainty.
If he sees that dad rarely sleeps at home and doesn't specify what goes on a business trip, living in a state of chronic stress. If a child knows that the parents live separately, but each of them tends to spend time with him at the best of their ability, then this model of relationships is simple and straightforward.
3. For a grown-up child parents ' divorce and the news that for many years they pretended to be and suffered for it, much more stressful than the experience of separation at an early age. It is difficult to understand and forgive such sophisticated deception and realize that joint trips to the coffee shop and at the zoo, posing for family photos was just a theatre production.
A child can have for life to remain the feeling of guilt due to the fact that it is the very fact of its existence has ruined the life of loved ones and friends. Like chicken pox, many troubles in childhood are transferred much easier.
When it is not necessary to hurry?
The above does not mean that you should run to the registry office, despite the presence of children. As with making any other major decision, you need to consider the slightest details of the divorce and its consequences. In some situations it makes sense to postpone this event for a while.
1. First of all, you should not get a divorce if you're not sure in your desire to leave the once loved one. As they say, on the question of whether to get a divorce, you should always answer "no" because if the person really decided to divorce, he does not ask such questions.
The changeable moods of the parents, which then diverge, then converge, a much stronger impact on the psyche of the child than their "single" the intelligent divorce. Imagine what it's like to live as on a powder keg, and fear that the parents run to divorce due to the fact that the Pope did not like oversalted soup. 2. If the child is experiencing due to the unpleasant or tragic events (e.g., death of a relative, separation from "first love"), it is not necessary to aggravate his stress. Better to wait until the divorce a month or two, the child is able to adequately withstand the coming trials.
3. You should carefully consider all financial issues and to create a kind of "safety cushion" to the quality and the rhythm of a child's life did not deteriorate too sharply as the result of separation of the parents. Of course, it is not necessary to lock myself in a Golden cage for the sake of the child continued to eat spoonfuls of caviar, but it is important to try, for example, to pay for training in a circle or section to the end of the school year.
Otherwise, the divorce of parents is associated of a son or daughter with a complete collapse of all aspects of life: change of residence, school, friends and Hobbies. published
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: letidor.ru/article/sokhranyat-otnosheniya-radi-de_185609/
