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What not to say to a person gripped by negative emotions
179050
A person who is in a state of anxiety disorder of varying severity, in fact, loses control of his life. The mechanism that helps us sense danger and take decisive action in extreme situations is beginning to fail in the modern world. The same applies to quite ordinary things - attacks of anger, anger, fear, panic, despair and so on.
Others, seeing a person in this state, try to somehow support and help him with advice, and often these tips are more harmful than useful.
According to Scott Bia, a psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic, the lack of understanding of this condition by others and their wrong actions can only aggravate the situation, making it even more difficult to get out of an unstable state.
Many of the relevant things you think you can say in such a situation have a paradoxical effect – anxiety only gets worse. It looks like quicksand. The more strenuous you make in order to get out, the deeper you are sucked. Speaking in such a situation to a person banal “calm down”, with a high probability you will increase his anxiety or panic.
In fact, there are more effective ways to help without aggravating a person’s condition.
1. Don't worry about the nonsense.
What you think is nonsense can be very important in another person’s world. Trying to give a situation a positive, light shade, you are actually belittling something very important to that person. Before you say that, try to enter the other person’s belief system. In a state of anxiety or panic, everything matters.
No need to convince a person of the insignificance of what happened. Instead, encouragement tactics should be applied. Remind him that this has happened to him before, and he has handled these emotions perfectly. This helps to overcome the current state and get out of it.
2. Calm down.
The problem with these conditions is that they are often uncontrollable. A man would be happy to calm down, but he simply cannot. You need special training and work on yourself in order to take control of your emotional state.
Kate Humpris, a psychiatrist at Stanford University, suggests replacing stereotyped, ineffective phrases with call-to-action words. Why don't we take a walk in the park? Meditate? Do something together? A soothing occupation will distract a person.
3. Just do it.
To a greater extent, such situations refer to various kinds of fears and phobias. Someone is terribly afraid of flying, and as an argument hears the teasing "just do it." The problem is that a call to action under pressure or with an attempt to take on a weak one can aggravate the fear, causing a severe panic attack.
Humpris suggests using another paradox of our thinking, saying phrases like “I’m sorry this is happening to you.” Empathy in this case creates a feeling that he does not need to fight an attack of emotions, and from this point he begins to calm down.
4. It's gonna be okay.
Saying this clichéd phrase, you never actually achieve the desired calming effect. It's because they won't believe you. Why would it be okay? Trying to instill unconfirmed confidence can improve the situation for only a few seconds, and then the person quickly analyzes everything from his position and, without finding or hearing the reasons why everything will really be fine, plunges deeper into despair.
Strange as it may sound, Bia says it’s the ability to embrace your anxiety rather than trying to expel it that can have a much better effect.
5. It's the same with me.
Another common technique that involves believing that you are just as bad right now. Even if you do experience the same stress, anxiety or similar emotions, then you should not dwell on this state anyway. You all know that depression is contagious. It is worth being with a person in this state, and you yourself inevitably begin to experience emotional decline.
When trying to support the other on the rights of “equality of fortunes”, there is a risk of creating “mutual feeding” of each other with negative emotions. Don't grieve together. Optimal will be a joint distraction for some positive action: the same joint walks and other pastime.
6. Drink.
You don't even have to say anything. Drinking and forgetting is a complete nonsense. In the short term, that is, right now, it can help, but in the long term it will lead to alcoholism and clinical depression. Over time, current emotional problems “supported” by alcohol will only intensify.
7. Did I do something wrong?
The worst thing is when a loved one suffers from negative emotions. If you are not the cause, you will still tend to assume that you are guilty of what is happening. This can lead to attempts to control a person’s emotions, which will only make the problem worse. You realize that all your efforts are not working, and you feel angry or disappointed. Having given up, you withdraw from the problem as a whole, and the person close to you begins to feel rejected, abandoned, guilty that his emotional problems interfere with others.
The only sure way to help is to give up trying to suppress and control the emotions of loved ones. Support is what is required of you in a similar situation, and the previous tips will help you behave more correctly.
Source: www.cosmopapin.ru/?q=book/export/html/12
A person who is in a state of anxiety disorder of varying severity, in fact, loses control of his life. The mechanism that helps us sense danger and take decisive action in extreme situations is beginning to fail in the modern world. The same applies to quite ordinary things - attacks of anger, anger, fear, panic, despair and so on.
Others, seeing a person in this state, try to somehow support and help him with advice, and often these tips are more harmful than useful.
According to Scott Bia, a psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic, the lack of understanding of this condition by others and their wrong actions can only aggravate the situation, making it even more difficult to get out of an unstable state.
Many of the relevant things you think you can say in such a situation have a paradoxical effect – anxiety only gets worse. It looks like quicksand. The more strenuous you make in order to get out, the deeper you are sucked. Speaking in such a situation to a person banal “calm down”, with a high probability you will increase his anxiety or panic.
In fact, there are more effective ways to help without aggravating a person’s condition.
1. Don't worry about the nonsense.
What you think is nonsense can be very important in another person’s world. Trying to give a situation a positive, light shade, you are actually belittling something very important to that person. Before you say that, try to enter the other person’s belief system. In a state of anxiety or panic, everything matters.
No need to convince a person of the insignificance of what happened. Instead, encouragement tactics should be applied. Remind him that this has happened to him before, and he has handled these emotions perfectly. This helps to overcome the current state and get out of it.
2. Calm down.
The problem with these conditions is that they are often uncontrollable. A man would be happy to calm down, but he simply cannot. You need special training and work on yourself in order to take control of your emotional state.
Kate Humpris, a psychiatrist at Stanford University, suggests replacing stereotyped, ineffective phrases with call-to-action words. Why don't we take a walk in the park? Meditate? Do something together? A soothing occupation will distract a person.
3. Just do it.
To a greater extent, such situations refer to various kinds of fears and phobias. Someone is terribly afraid of flying, and as an argument hears the teasing "just do it." The problem is that a call to action under pressure or with an attempt to take on a weak one can aggravate the fear, causing a severe panic attack.
Humpris suggests using another paradox of our thinking, saying phrases like “I’m sorry this is happening to you.” Empathy in this case creates a feeling that he does not need to fight an attack of emotions, and from this point he begins to calm down.
4. It's gonna be okay.
Saying this clichéd phrase, you never actually achieve the desired calming effect. It's because they won't believe you. Why would it be okay? Trying to instill unconfirmed confidence can improve the situation for only a few seconds, and then the person quickly analyzes everything from his position and, without finding or hearing the reasons why everything will really be fine, plunges deeper into despair.
Strange as it may sound, Bia says it’s the ability to embrace your anxiety rather than trying to expel it that can have a much better effect.
5. It's the same with me.
Another common technique that involves believing that you are just as bad right now. Even if you do experience the same stress, anxiety or similar emotions, then you should not dwell on this state anyway. You all know that depression is contagious. It is worth being with a person in this state, and you yourself inevitably begin to experience emotional decline.
When trying to support the other on the rights of “equality of fortunes”, there is a risk of creating “mutual feeding” of each other with negative emotions. Don't grieve together. Optimal will be a joint distraction for some positive action: the same joint walks and other pastime.
6. Drink.
You don't even have to say anything. Drinking and forgetting is a complete nonsense. In the short term, that is, right now, it can help, but in the long term it will lead to alcoholism and clinical depression. Over time, current emotional problems “supported” by alcohol will only intensify.
7. Did I do something wrong?
The worst thing is when a loved one suffers from negative emotions. If you are not the cause, you will still tend to assume that you are guilty of what is happening. This can lead to attempts to control a person’s emotions, which will only make the problem worse. You realize that all your efforts are not working, and you feel angry or disappointed. Having given up, you withdraw from the problem as a whole, and the person close to you begins to feel rejected, abandoned, guilty that his emotional problems interfere with others.
The only sure way to help is to give up trying to suppress and control the emotions of loved ones. Support is what is required of you in a similar situation, and the previous tips will help you behave more correctly.
Source: www.cosmopapin.ru/?q=book/export/html/12
