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Why we should hope for the best
“If a man loves a woman, he will love her children,” many relationship experts say. But in reality, a man is only rarely able to perceive a foreign child as his own, even if his mother loves him very much.
And today's edition. "Site" He suggests talking about whether a woman with a child should necessarily look for a man who will consider her child to be a native. And whether they have hopefulness Something to do with reality?
She got married a second time, already having a 5-year-old child from a previous relationship. Now the boy is 11, during this time two more were born. My husband was initially cool with the older man. Not that it is completely indifferent, but rather indifferent, says Oksana.
“For my part, I thought that the fatherly feelings of the beloved had not yet been awakened. It is necessary to give birth to his own child, and the man will definitely change his attitude towards children. But after the birth of the first and then the second child, the situation has not changed much.”
“No, with the younger husband behaves wonderfully, would do anything for them, just a model father. But the older one often breaks down. The son is not very attentive, sometimes loses things (for the last 3 months, 3 pairs of shoes lost), does not clean up after himself (although I teach him to wash dishes and fold personal belongings), does not learn (we also work on this, and recently things are getting better).
“A husband thinks that an 11-year-old child should even wash the floors of the house, let alone clean up after himself.” He's picking on the ground. Recently, the scandal tripled due to the fact that his son did not share a chocolate bar with him, hysterical all evening.
“Now, as soon as the husband returns from work, the son jumps up and starts to fuss. He is looking for where to clean up and what to do so that his stepfather does not anger. The child would be happy to be good, but he does not succeed.”
“A husband thinks he is right, and since we live in his house, we must adapt to him. And today, after another conversation, he even said that his son irritates him and does not want to live with him under the same roof. Here we go. I thought that with the birth of children everything will improve, and now the family is on the verge of divorce. Although there are three children in the arms, complains Oksana.
“I often hear the saying ‘half a woman, will love a child’ when it comes to children that a man gets with a woman he loves.” From experience I can see that love for a woman does not automatically elicit sympathy for her child. And the vast majority of men are not delighted that the beloved has a “bonus” from previous relationships. family psychologist Emilia Goncharova.
“Is there any fault of a man in dislike at all? Even a native child is loved for specific personality traits. If the father does not like the person, then there is no special attachment. Why, after loving a woman, should he love a child? Does the child have the same qualities as his mother? Of course not.
“Good relationships can be tried. For this, there should be a desire to unite in a family, the desire to negotiate and respect each other’s comfort. In this case, the man should be more patient, and the child will need to be independent. To hope that suddenly everything will be all right is naive.
“It is painful for a mother to hear this, but her child does not have to be allowed into the soul for nothing. They look at him, evaluate him, how friendly he is, what his character is, how sociable he is. The other person has the right to decide if they can love that person. Probably not. That is his right.”
“It is not only the mother who must be loved, but also her baby. There is a double burden on the woman herself. It is easy for a mother to love her child, even if he is over 40. But other people assess the situation soberly, coldly. But if you raise a child with dignity, then he will definitely be able to build relationships with normal people, find a common language, the expert concluded.
A person is so arranged that in a difficult situation he still believes in the best. But sometimes faith becomes blind, even naive. Every single woman believes that there will be a prince who will love both her and the child.
Yes, this can happen, but such cases are rare, and men who are able to love someone else’s child are immediately noticeable. There are those who, although they will not love, will take on some of the worries, will not leave in trouble. But if an adult is initially indifferent, then it is not worth hoping that suddenly everything will become different. Such hopelessness It will only make the woman and her children worse.
And today's edition. "Site" He suggests talking about whether a woman with a child should necessarily look for a man who will consider her child to be a native. And whether they have hopefulness Something to do with reality?
She got married a second time, already having a 5-year-old child from a previous relationship. Now the boy is 11, during this time two more were born. My husband was initially cool with the older man. Not that it is completely indifferent, but rather indifferent, says Oksana.
“For my part, I thought that the fatherly feelings of the beloved had not yet been awakened. It is necessary to give birth to his own child, and the man will definitely change his attitude towards children. But after the birth of the first and then the second child, the situation has not changed much.”
“No, with the younger husband behaves wonderfully, would do anything for them, just a model father. But the older one often breaks down. The son is not very attentive, sometimes loses things (for the last 3 months, 3 pairs of shoes lost), does not clean up after himself (although I teach him to wash dishes and fold personal belongings), does not learn (we also work on this, and recently things are getting better).
“A husband thinks that an 11-year-old child should even wash the floors of the house, let alone clean up after himself.” He's picking on the ground. Recently, the scandal tripled due to the fact that his son did not share a chocolate bar with him, hysterical all evening.
“Now, as soon as the husband returns from work, the son jumps up and starts to fuss. He is looking for where to clean up and what to do so that his stepfather does not anger. The child would be happy to be good, but he does not succeed.”
“A husband thinks he is right, and since we live in his house, we must adapt to him. And today, after another conversation, he even said that his son irritates him and does not want to live with him under the same roof. Here we go. I thought that with the birth of children everything will improve, and now the family is on the verge of divorce. Although there are three children in the arms, complains Oksana.
“I often hear the saying ‘half a woman, will love a child’ when it comes to children that a man gets with a woman he loves.” From experience I can see that love for a woman does not automatically elicit sympathy for her child. And the vast majority of men are not delighted that the beloved has a “bonus” from previous relationships. family psychologist Emilia Goncharova.
“Is there any fault of a man in dislike at all? Even a native child is loved for specific personality traits. If the father does not like the person, then there is no special attachment. Why, after loving a woman, should he love a child? Does the child have the same qualities as his mother? Of course not.
“Good relationships can be tried. For this, there should be a desire to unite in a family, the desire to negotiate and respect each other’s comfort. In this case, the man should be more patient, and the child will need to be independent. To hope that suddenly everything will be all right is naive.
“It is painful for a mother to hear this, but her child does not have to be allowed into the soul for nothing. They look at him, evaluate him, how friendly he is, what his character is, how sociable he is. The other person has the right to decide if they can love that person. Probably not. That is his right.”
“It is not only the mother who must be loved, but also her baby. There is a double burden on the woman herself. It is easy for a mother to love her child, even if he is over 40. But other people assess the situation soberly, coldly. But if you raise a child with dignity, then he will definitely be able to build relationships with normal people, find a common language, the expert concluded.
A person is so arranged that in a difficult situation he still believes in the best. But sometimes faith becomes blind, even naive. Every single woman believes that there will be a prince who will love both her and the child.
Yes, this can happen, but such cases are rare, and men who are able to love someone else’s child are immediately noticeable. There are those who, although they will not love, will take on some of the worries, will not leave in trouble. But if an adult is initially indifferent, then it is not worth hoping that suddenly everything will become different. Such hopelessness It will only make the woman and her children worse.
