Why do I not let my mother-in-law on the doorstep if she breaks into the house without warning?

“Usually, when guests come, I look forward to them. I set the table, clean, clean myself up. Because their visit is scheduled, usually well-bred people arrange a meeting in advance. But when it comes to relatives, hello, spontaneous visits. My mother-in-law is in the habit of visiting us a couple of times a week, and I don't mind, but she's not doing it in a human way. Recently, Olga Stepanovna and I had a big fight because of her inappropriate trips to our home, Katya admits.



When guests arrive, “My mother-in-law is a kind woman, but our relationship with her did not work out.” I am very tired of her coming to visit us without warning. When I went on maternity leave, her visits increased. To be honest, I'm tired of her not realizing she's coming at a bad time. That's what she does: she walks outside our house and decides to stop by and see her grandson.



She calls and asks if I'm home and says she's coming over for an hour. Two minutes before he comes in. I don't forbid her to come to her grandson, but I don't like it when people impose themselves. Only I will decide to relax, make myself lunch while the little one sleeps, Olga Stepanovna calls. I just want to make a hair mask or finally shave my legs - Olga Stepanovna is already under the door. She doesn’t understand that I’m uncomfortable when guests come to an untidy apartment, and not always in the mood to sit and drink tea with her mother-in-law. Is it that hard to understand?



Last week, Olga Stepanovna came back like this, calling two minutes before she knocked on the door. Of course, she knew I was home because the stroller was in the vestibule. I decided not to open the door. The mother-in-law sobered up on her cell phone and knocked on the door for half an hour, then left. She then complained to her son that I had done so badly to her. My husband, of course, was also offended, my mother-in-law cried to him for two hours.



Then the husband said that Olga Stepanovna is very angry with me and does not understand why I do this to her. My mother-in-law thinks he's doing the right thing, taking care of us. She gave us some money to bail out the apartment we live in. So she thinks she has the right to come whenever she wants.



She remembered taking me to the hospital and giving me gifts. Can't she come to visit now? Oh, my God, maybe. But we have to negotiate that. We are all adults and everyone has their own business. Yes, I have a baby and will be on maternity leave for another six months. But I have to plan how I get to work, what I do. In addition to the child, there is an apartment that needs to be cleaned, things that need to be washed, and also prepare dinner for her husband and wait for him in a good mood.



I don’t leave the house just to go out with the baby. I don't have time for myself, and here's my offended mother-in-law. Is it difficult to understand that such visits are inappropriate? I am very annoyed by the current situation and I do not want to see Olga Stepanovna.



The conflict appeared not because Olga Stepanovna suddenly comes to visit, and not because Katya is a bad daughter-in-law. They both made one mistake: they didn’t agree. Olga Stepanovna believes that there is nothing shameful in visiting a daughter-in-law who is already sitting at home with a child. But Katya is right in her own way. She can't plan for the day and never knows when her mother-in-law will decide to drop by for tea. But this should have been said before Katya decided not to open the door to Olga Stepanovna. To come to a common denominator, women need to talk and tell what is bothering each of them. Maybe then they can understand each other.