Husband leaves home again, not ready to let him in

Adult couples are increasingly thinking about guest marriage. They live separately, meet when both are in a good mood, and there are no household problems that break up marriages. But when the husband lives separately on his own initiative, and the wife does not know what to do, the question arises, is not her husband an abuser? Unfortunately, the answer to this question is positive, and it is impossible to get away with such behavior even the most beloved man.



The husband has already left the house several times. For me, this is not clear, and it is very disappointing when my husband goes to live in another apartment after a small quarrel. We have been married for two years, since the birth of a daughter, Oleg began to leave home often. Oleg leaves, insulting me, and often throws his hands away. He leaves every weekend. And then he comes back, swears he won't do this to me again, that he's very guilty to me.



Now the situation has worsened. Oleg disappears for a week, does not write, does not call and does not ask how the child is. The quarrels on the phone led to the fact that I told Oleg on the phone that I was filing for divorce, he freaked out. He said, "Put it on, it's better." And then he texted and apologized. I don't know what to do. I don’t want to kill my daughter and try to save my marriage. But my nerves are running high, I'm sick of it.



All couples go through a crisis in a relationship, but what this girl is going through right now is called a toxic relationship, abusive, if you will. One partner ceases to respect the other and, when he sees that such behavior is forgiven, begins to behave again. The fact is that the abuser will not be reeducated or changed. It is important not to accept the role of victim and not to try to save a marriage that ruins your life.



The decision to divorce in this case is the most reasonable decision. Especially if the husband allows himself to raise his hand against his wife. Oleg is comfortable staying at home, while there are no problems that need to be solved as an adult. Domestic problems need to be solved together. And if one of the spouses avoids responsibility, then he is not ready for an adult relationship. Especially for a young child, the presence of such a hot-tempered father is a guarantee of an unstable psyche in the future.



How to behave: I want all women to shout family. Whatever it is, whatever the fight. Do not let your husband leave the house (I mean the first departure), if you know that his absence at night is unacceptable for you, and you are still not ready to let him back in. If allowed, then you need to arrange such hellish torture for him before you let him in, so that you will remember forever what leaving is fraught with. I didn't do that. I dropped from my hands 1-2 times, talked normally, since I was pregnant, and so I was driven into stress by leaving, I did not want to scandalize. So I got it, it's getting a little sloppy now. And all the psychological things like: talk, say, "You hurt me, but calmly" - nonsense. It doesn't work on runaways at home. Only tough measures after leaving can stop him from trying again, says Natasha, who also lived with the abuser.



And the woman is right. If a person is dear, he can be given a second chance. But only one. All subsequent concessions and persuasion are useless. The sooner a person stops such a relationship, the easier it will be for him to recover. In any case, you need to go to a psychologist and discuss the situation. Women often fear for their children or for their own lives when tyrannical husbands do not agree to divorce. The main thing is not to panic, but to enlist the support of friends, lawyers and be sure to break off toxic relationships. It won't be easy, but life without nervous tics is worth it. What do you think?