10 main principles of child rearing by Nigel Latta
New Zealand psychologist Nigel Latta - the magician and magician of modern child psychology. Latta more than ten years working with troubled children and adolescents have not yet realized that the most valuable knowledge and experience they are required not only to parents 'difficult' children. This knowledge is necessary for everyone, including those who have just started to seriously think about parenthood. And then Latta wrote his bestseller "Before your child will drive you crazy».
We publish ten rules Nigel Latta education of children, which are very useful to you on the difficult path of the parent.
1. The main thing - is the relationship
«Relations between people - that's all. Anyone who forgets this runs the risk of losing everything, "- Nigel Latta.
blockquote> This is - the most important rule, which is to remember any parent. The child - not just the little people for whom you are responsible, he is also a person. Therefore, it is necessary to respect and build relationships on mutual respect. It depends on the way in which the child becomes a teenager and how it will grow.
You as a parent by example teach the child to communicate with others. Without sincere human relationship that is not possible.
This is not about control. Supervise children, especially small, light - enough to intimidate them. But this makes little sense if you force a child "behave" through intimidation, he does not understand the main thing - why do it. Besides, sooner or later the child will grow and you will no longer be afraid. He may cease to be afraid of anything at all, and then to observe the moral stimulus, and he did not.
2. Treat your child with sympathy«Love Children easy to find in this fun hard»
blockquote> Children are confident that parents love them, it's innate sense. Even if you are in some moments are not paying enough attention to children and punishes the guilty, they still believe in your love.
But sympathy - it is quite another. Most children feel when strangers treat them cool and even indifference. And just as well, they notice when their own parents unsympathetic, although you love them. This is no paradox: every parent knows in his heart that the child can both love and not love.
"I love him, but barely stand," - such words can be heard from parents, unfortunately, quite often. Parental love - is an automatic sense of instinct. But sympathy is caused when a child like you as a person, when you are with him wondering when communicating both of you enjoy.
Try to show a sincere interest in your child and bring him the kind of person that you will be pleasant and likable.
3. Children need a lot of attention«Children - a piranha that require attention. They greedily devoured it »
blockquote> All children need attention. Attention is never enough. Sometimes the children go to any lengths to get noticed. However, they certainly do not consider that the way they attract the attention (for example, whims), may turn against them. If you can get your attention - the child will take advantage of it.
It is inherent in the instinct of children: they know that their parents supervision means safety, and will try to do everything to you for a moment could not let them out of sight.
With a lack of attention to the child will turn into bloodthirsty piranhas and suck all the juice out of you your indulgence, so this advice: Pay more attention to the children.
4. Encourage good, ignore the bad«If you feed something, it will grow. If you do not feed, it will gradually fade away »
blockquote> At first glance, the obvious rule: pay special attention to good deeds. Unfortunately, the child sometimes takes so much energy that a parent goes to all to preserve their own peace of mind. But whatever you are tired, it is important to encourage good behavior and ignore the bad. If a child does something wrong, do not worry about it. If he does something really good, it just can not be ignored.
Encourage good behavior, and the child will be more likely to behave. Ignore bad behavior, and the child gradually cease to be capricious self. Yes, stop. You would think that this is impossible, but remember: any behavior - is the search for attention. Paying great attention to moods, you give your child to understand that the most effective way to attract the eye and cause a reaction - self-indulgence and hysteria.
It is a simple principle. Get accustomed to her: parents often do not realize what behavior actually encourage and perpetuate the child.
Try more frequently praise for good behavior - go too far with this impossible. And ignore the bad.
5. Place the border children«If you do not put their children to the border, then you're an idiot»
blockquote> The rude, but true. The boundaries do not make for different reasons. For example, the hippies did not limit children in anything, because they thought that they should be free to get acquainted with the world. Also, children do not limit the lazy - it is easier to do nothing at all, and education are allowed to chance. Troubled mom afraid to limit what a precious child and thereby damage the already fragile child's psyche. Wimp not limit because children do not want to be parents, and friends.
But if you allow children to absolutely everything, they will behave like little monsters. Initially, the children no boundaries, no rules, and you have to define these rules and strictly adhere to them.
The child moves until it hits the limit - this is its nature. However, all children are different: one has crossed the border just knowing of its existence, to another it is necessary to cut his forehead against the wall, to see what it is. But a world without boundaries for a child is very dangerous place, and because it will require even more attention to your own peace of mind.
Ease the task set a firm "no" to a series of actions the child and hold all the defense forces. At some point (fairly soon), when the child will take your "no" as an axiom - and then you will be able to breathe a little more freely.
6. Try to be consistent«Everything is relative. Everything, even the sequence - in particular the sequence »
blockquote> It is not necessary to praise it, then ignored, punished for the same actions. Yes, difficult to be consistent. Sometimes it is very difficult. Being a parent - hard work, and often a person is willing to do anything to preserve their peace of mind. But the concession - a big mistake. "You can not" should mean "no" always, at any time of the day or night.
Again: mark the rules and stick to them yourself, do not confuse the child.
But if not keep - not reproach yourself. We are all human, and self-flagellation can push you away from the goal.
7. Do not forgive the terrible behavior of«never ceases to amaze the fact that some people are able to tolerate their children the most horrible behavior»
blockquote> If the child swears, insults parents or arranges hysterics, it is impossible to forgive. Yes, it is impossible to demand that the child has always behaved perfectly. All the children from time to time acting up. But this does not mean that you need to quietly watch over it and get down on the brakes, because more will only get worse.
It may seem that this rule is contrary to the fourth paragraph, but it is not: if the child does not cease to behave badly, then it is necessary not to ignore and suppress because the parent is likely before this behavior is encouraged, unwittingly. The situation is corrected immediately may not, but it will be corrected.
This child is not obliged to accept everything with you. Do not suppress his will, but remember that to argue - this is normal, and show disrespect to their parents - no. Disputes mean that parents are raising a child the ability to think and ask questions, and so do their job.
Own opinion - it's good, because sooner or later the child will grow and will live with your mind. But the lack of respect - is a different matter. It is impossible to forgive, let alone encouraged. Since it must be fought.
8. Make a plan«The only thing that happens unexpectedly - a surprise»
blockquote> If you intend to re-capricious and balovlivogo child, the first thing you need - a plan. Of course, not necessary to draw graphics or paint all the points of the target up to the last word. No need to write annual reports on progress. But the plan you need.
It will come in handy while working on the child's behavior: select one problem behavior, describe, scribble ideas for the fight, and then strictly adhere to the plan, until you get the target.
9. Any behavior - is communication«to get out at night from the window and ran away from home - a kind of statement»
blockquote> What would the child do, he always tries, even unconsciously, something for you to hear. Something that does not want or is unable to express in words.
Even the bad behavior - is communication with the child's parents. If he is naughty, then he wants something to say. Children in general are more willing to express their thoughts and feelings through actions rather than words - simply because the word until they know little.
If a child behaves badly, it is usually said that the previous eight right not to comply in whole or in part. For example, the child is sorely lacking attention or his awful behavior at all times encouraged.
It is important to understand what the child wants to say to your indulgence. If you find out, half the work is already done.
10. Children - is chaos, which is useless to fight«With the inevitable chaos and madness have to accept»
blockquote> Children always bring chaos in the lives of parents. Always. Once the child is born, to life penetrate thousands of surprises, urgent matters or incidents that can not be foreseen. And always something may happen that will break any of your carefully chosen schedule.
It is necessary to understand and accept. Not Humble - join with the chaos in the fight and lost, as it can not be beat. And by the way, do not forget that your children have a whole arsenal of ways to bring you to a white heat.
For example, a child may resent you, then nashalit and then argue. If we started the madness, it is better to wait. Be patient - in the end, after the storm the sun shines particularly bright.
Of course, this advice may not contain all the rules Nigel Latta, moreover, in his book contains excellent examples of specific recommendations, so we advise you to read the book "Before your child will drive you crazy" as a whole. em>
via factroom.ru
