Good deal not be called marriage

A popular expression, which at idle is laughable, people family will most likely cause confused smile. The truth in these words. Because, according to modern psychological research, in marriage each partner is an inevitable crisis — the destruction of the idea that "my happiness in the hands of my partner."

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For more demanding and psychologically sophisticated reader will call that destroy the object "I reflected". When we fall in love, our sense of self changes. We feel smarter, prettier, stronger, phenomenal, etc. — exactly the way we see the eyes of a lover partner. We experience happiness and begin to think that this man is our happiness or our happiness is in his hands.

Happiness, unfortunately, as complex and transient it does better on the contrast with adversity and stress. However, few survivors happiness love believes that it cannot be everlasting, but everyone is sure that it is in the hands of the partner it is. And in life people can either "grow up" and understand that his happiness is in his own hands, or not to grow up and continue to demand it from your partner's life, or change partners, hoping to find the right. Another common way to get away from the stresses of family life — alcohol.

Attempt one member of the family to their happiness, which, as he knows, is in the hands of another family member, you can call home scandal. In this case the understanding of "What is it, my happiness?"is formulated very abstractly. For example, "You must be a real man!""You just have to respect me!""Why always me?"And, as a rule, in response to their demands of the people instead of the expected promises receives the response requirements of (the best method of defence is attack). Emotions run high, rough-exchanged a few more requirements from the category of "I'm not doing it because you're not doing that."

Often connected to this family and the deeds of bygone days. Next look goes to the future and there is stated the belief that the guilty continue will do nothing to bring happiness. Emotions run high even more, and the rough-disperse in righteous anger, feeling unjustly abused and misunderstood. Reconciliation comes in the best case with the analysis of the content and form of the scandal — then the scandal can be considered a conflict whose goal was the improvement of relations between the parties. But most just pretend that nothing happened, then the chance to improve relations not used.

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The option of alcohol — effective "short-term pain relief": while drunk is not sick, and even fun. The aftereffect of the alcohol is depressed mood, lack of effort and "quietly crept alcoholism". The current problems are not solved, and new can appear.

By the way, remember the promises pronounced at the wedding in the Church, "to be together in joy and in sorrow..." — so the Church is already configures the newlyweds that marriage is not only music and flowers, and a serious important step.

With the development of family relationships, conflicting and agreeing, the couple usually comes to a more realistic view of "my happiness", "your happiness" and "our happiness".

But happiness is more in our hands... And it is better to first decide how can I build and then how I can help partner. Then in place of saying "Good job not be called marriage" comes another, more optimistic. Maybe someone already knows this? published 


Author: Elvira Khmelnytsky

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©



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