Not offended, and offended: sobering post Bashny.Net

Today about aerobatics psychological maturity: the responsibility for their own feelings. When will we learn to take it?

Don't you hurt me and I feel hurt when you...
Don't you hurt me I feel pain, when you...
Not you give my life meaning, and I'm looking for meaning only to you
Don't you despise me, and ...well, you understand.





Like, what's the difference? And in fact, allows to make a number of simplifying life assumptions:

• What pain and hurt is our subjective, not everyone in this situation would be the same. So, right now nothing wrong with us may not do, just a pain from our past experience.
• That's probably the man is not busy causing us hurt and pain, but just something makes or doesn't make their views, lives in short, may not realize that to us this is frustrating.
• THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! We don't need to wait or to achieve, when the other will cease to cause us pain or hurt, that it is in our power to stop it: to move to the desired distance, go to therapy (if it is in the first paragraph).

 

Ambush is all that this understanding stops our game in the tyrant and the victim, and we have to move and make decisions, and blame was much easier.

That's funny, that responsibility for feelings, the law works: if I'm lucky is I have done, and if not — it's your fault.

We often say that hurt me, really hurt me, accused me, insulted me, but here I was loved, I was happy, I was obligatorily (made to feel love, happiness, gratitude) we speak rarely and/or ironic, and under some such phenomena are no words at all. Because to feel love, gratitude, happiness, interest — so it is ourselves, that's how offended, hurt, feel worthless — so it's all "they" to blame.

When I began to take responsibility for my feelings, I was podesheveli those who did not, and put the responsibility on others, including me. And then I realized that we are responsible for what we take responsibility. That is, not to dump me responsible for their feelings ("you hurt me"), and I take responsibility for their feelings ("Oh, I hurt you, I'm bad, I'm sorry!") And it is megalomania to think that I control the feelings of other adults smart people.





photo ©Ruslan Maksimov

 

Since I mostly like water off a duck, but now the grind is who and how hurt, play the victim, the tyrant or to go to blame/schastliviy/omnipotent/infringing I'm not interested.

 

Also interesting: RESENTMENT – the consequence of PRIDE and Inability to communicate

Resentment from the standpoint of objective psychology

 

It's like another room to go out, and there is very uncrowded and peaceful. And I'm still not very good at and not used. Popping out of her sometimes quarreling and feel sorry for myself, but the experience of the release of her priceless and hard on my brain. You have to play off the tension, writing for those who do not understand laziness, but the blame and be resentful/offended/guilty already tired.

Although someone this and for 80 years can not be bored. Appreciate their enthusiasm for the process, I never for one thing so long.published

 

Author: Anna Negreeva

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: annanegreeva.ru/ne-obideli-a-obidelas-osvobozhdayushhij-post-ob-otvetstvennosti/