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When mom is annoying
Bashny.Net
There are psychological human development this stage is when he learns to make decisions regarding his life, not listening to what you think on this subject his loved ones.
For example, You realize that you no longer want to work on unloved work, and want to start a small business. Parents make sad eyes, clutching heart condemn You, his wife sulking, and together they prophesy to You a collapse of Your new beginnings. And You still go and do it, because I understand that it affects Your personal happiness and the desire to get up in the morning.
We are talking about things that may not be welcomed by Your loved ones, but You can make them if you think it affects Your happiness. And You're not doing this secretly, and openly, You realize that love and approval are two different things. Mom may be unhappy with Your decision, but You are not afraid, You know that mother's love or lack thereof from Your actions depends.
No matter good You make decisions or not, the important thing here is that they are Yours and You do not need to be ashamed, to hide, to hide from loved ones because they may not like it.
So, before in the life of a person has such courage, strength and confidence to others, he is one of the most important stages of development – the stage of psychological separation from the mother (parents).
To implement this complex, painful, but natural branches need a lot of power and aggression. Yes, healthy aggression against the parents are necessary for the person to begin to dispose of his life. And we know that moms often do not seek to let go of grown-up child.
Begin manipulations, bound through guilt, about the helplessness, Hyper, not giving to get to his feet, the criticism of everything that the person reaches on their own, the intimidation of a large and scary world "without mommy" and here it is: "come you back to mommy" and this: "I told you so!"
In such cases, the person manages to survive all the stages of anger and guilt over that anger. Those who do not pass this stage, expect and value the approval of my mother so much that I'm afraid to do something that she might not like it, and then I get angry at her, themselves not always understanding why.They don't live the way you want to live like mom wants. They all live as if checking with her opinion: "look, mommy, I have a good relationship with your husband, right?", "Look, mommy, my new girl is a sight for sore eyes, huh?"
Surely You know families where women are raising children in a "happy" Union with his own mother, because "Mom always said that her husband was unworthy of me" and family, where forty men living with mom and as a child listening to her in exchange for comprehensive care.
So what am I: a temporary worsening in the relationship, resentment and anger at her mother and father – is a natural stage of development of the personality, which in our culture people are between 20 and 30 years. In his passing really helps work with a psychologist. Not least because to constructively Express a necessary and natural aggression, very few people can, so the elderly parent falls or bucket charges, or aggression is suppressed and the separation does not occur. There is a third way, whenaggression helps to separate, but does not violate the boundaries of parents, does not destroy the relationship, but simply takes them to another level.
If mom and dad – implemented personal and Mature people, they go quickly and tenderly look after You. In this case, of aggression required at this stage, You will have time to experience slight irritation and passing offense.
Unfortunately, it happens not often. Rarely mothers are absorbed in their interesting life more than the lives of their grown-up children, know how to be a friend, support, only when you need to. They are rarely interesting work, harmonious relationships, good self esteem is the answer to the question "what is the meaning of my life", and the answer is not: "to sacrifice themselves for the sake of the children". But even if You're not extremely lucky, You will still have to go through this stage, but to stay in it or be able to be independent — largely depends on You.
It is important to remember that Your anger is Your assistant in the psychological separation from parents, it will ever end, and You will be able to see mom and dad for a brand new look.
When that happens, you will understand that You really are entitled to do, to want and to feel what, in your opinion, makes You a happy Creator of Your life.
Where are the “negative” feelings to parents, if You are from a prosperous family
“Parents did not drink and was not beaten, but I still often get offended, annoyed by trifles, I guess I'm ungrateful” — many times have I heard this in the consultations.
Of course, it is difficult to speak of the ingratitude, though, because feelings are something we cannot control. That is, if the feeling is there, the choice to rely on the father or not, You have no, even if You are the perfect son or daughter. You can adjust just how this resentment will appear, and then some.
Yes, a grudge against an elderly person due to the fact that he is trying to impose their vision of life is illogical, but if feelings arise, it will be easier just to admit: “Yes, annoying! Although he does not drink or beat care”
And once recognized, let's understand why this is happening, how these feelings, children's reaction?
This anger/fear/resentment does not often apply to a specific situation of communication. Most likely, this is just out and can not get the remnants of the feelings that You had when you were a child.
And this is the children's anger could become, even to loving, caring parents. To cause resentment, anger, shame or fear in the child, no need to be ferocious alcoholic, because children differently perceive reality.
Unexpressed feelings do not going away, they are able for years to sit in the body in the form of muscle tension, but my head is in the form of the familiar "children's" reactions.
And my mother shouts You already a million times over 35 Your age: "put on your Hat!", and You at this moment turn into the girl-teenager and feel the same, old, unreleased rage, which is felt every time mom its commanding and peremptory tone pulled down all Your aspirations to be an adult and feel able to make your own decisions...at least about the hat.
The problem is that because nepereinami children's feelings You are not only rude to my mom, You'd be mad at any person giving You advice peremptory tone. Probably, it could be Your boss, client, or mentor, whose authority to give orders, advice and instructions, as this is a more serious consequences of the unfinished child relationship with the mother.
To understand why You now /offended/angry/scared/annoyed parents, colleagues, bosses and spouse, it would be good to remember when You experienced it for the first time. Yes, your kids need to grieve for the loss, resentment, live, anger to Express, otherwise they will be uncontrollable and neosoznanno to manifest in your relationship with Your parents and other people.
Lost the fire of anger — a direct path to disease
Holey identity or Why we are vulnerable
Doing this is difficult because often we do not know how to Express anger safely to others, tend to suppress feelings with the help of dependency or apathy, instead of living grievances often inclined to look for someone to blame. So with children's feelings about being in adult life, it is easier to work in a psychologist's office.
To realize and Express their childish feelings is the first step to adulthood and psychological separation from parents.published
Author: Anna Negreeva
Source: annanegreeva.ru/kogda_mama_razdrazhaet/
For example, You realize that you no longer want to work on unloved work, and want to start a small business. Parents make sad eyes, clutching heart condemn You, his wife sulking, and together they prophesy to You a collapse of Your new beginnings. And You still go and do it, because I understand that it affects Your personal happiness and the desire to get up in the morning.
We are talking about things that may not be welcomed by Your loved ones, but You can make them if you think it affects Your happiness. And You're not doing this secretly, and openly, You realize that love and approval are two different things. Mom may be unhappy with Your decision, but You are not afraid, You know that mother's love or lack thereof from Your actions depends.
No matter good You make decisions or not, the important thing here is that they are Yours and You do not need to be ashamed, to hide, to hide from loved ones because they may not like it.
So, before in the life of a person has such courage, strength and confidence to others, he is one of the most important stages of development – the stage of psychological separation from the mother (parents).
To implement this complex, painful, but natural branches need a lot of power and aggression. Yes, healthy aggression against the parents are necessary for the person to begin to dispose of his life. And we know that moms often do not seek to let go of grown-up child.
Begin manipulations, bound through guilt, about the helplessness, Hyper, not giving to get to his feet, the criticism of everything that the person reaches on their own, the intimidation of a large and scary world "without mommy" and here it is: "come you back to mommy" and this: "I told you so!"
In such cases, the person manages to survive all the stages of anger and guilt over that anger. Those who do not pass this stage, expect and value the approval of my mother so much that I'm afraid to do something that she might not like it, and then I get angry at her, themselves not always understanding why.They don't live the way you want to live like mom wants. They all live as if checking with her opinion: "look, mommy, I have a good relationship with your husband, right?", "Look, mommy, my new girl is a sight for sore eyes, huh?"
Surely You know families where women are raising children in a "happy" Union with his own mother, because "Mom always said that her husband was unworthy of me" and family, where forty men living with mom and as a child listening to her in exchange for comprehensive care.
So what am I: a temporary worsening in the relationship, resentment and anger at her mother and father – is a natural stage of development of the personality, which in our culture people are between 20 and 30 years. In his passing really helps work with a psychologist. Not least because to constructively Express a necessary and natural aggression, very few people can, so the elderly parent falls or bucket charges, or aggression is suppressed and the separation does not occur. There is a third way, whenaggression helps to separate, but does not violate the boundaries of parents, does not destroy the relationship, but simply takes them to another level.
If mom and dad – implemented personal and Mature people, they go quickly and tenderly look after You. In this case, of aggression required at this stage, You will have time to experience slight irritation and passing offense.
Unfortunately, it happens not often. Rarely mothers are absorbed in their interesting life more than the lives of their grown-up children, know how to be a friend, support, only when you need to. They are rarely interesting work, harmonious relationships, good self esteem is the answer to the question "what is the meaning of my life", and the answer is not: "to sacrifice themselves for the sake of the children". But even if You're not extremely lucky, You will still have to go through this stage, but to stay in it or be able to be independent — largely depends on You.
It is important to remember that Your anger is Your assistant in the psychological separation from parents, it will ever end, and You will be able to see mom and dad for a brand new look.
When that happens, you will understand that You really are entitled to do, to want and to feel what, in your opinion, makes You a happy Creator of Your life.
Where are the “negative” feelings to parents, if You are from a prosperous family
“Parents did not drink and was not beaten, but I still often get offended, annoyed by trifles, I guess I'm ungrateful” — many times have I heard this in the consultations.
Of course, it is difficult to speak of the ingratitude, though, because feelings are something we cannot control. That is, if the feeling is there, the choice to rely on the father or not, You have no, even if You are the perfect son or daughter. You can adjust just how this resentment will appear, and then some.
Yes, a grudge against an elderly person due to the fact that he is trying to impose their vision of life is illogical, but if feelings arise, it will be easier just to admit: “Yes, annoying! Although he does not drink or beat care”
And once recognized, let's understand why this is happening, how these feelings, children's reaction?
This anger/fear/resentment does not often apply to a specific situation of communication. Most likely, this is just out and can not get the remnants of the feelings that You had when you were a child.
And this is the children's anger could become, even to loving, caring parents. To cause resentment, anger, shame or fear in the child, no need to be ferocious alcoholic, because children differently perceive reality.
Unexpressed feelings do not going away, they are able for years to sit in the body in the form of muscle tension, but my head is in the form of the familiar "children's" reactions.
And my mother shouts You already a million times over 35 Your age: "put on your Hat!", and You at this moment turn into the girl-teenager and feel the same, old, unreleased rage, which is felt every time mom its commanding and peremptory tone pulled down all Your aspirations to be an adult and feel able to make your own decisions...at least about the hat.
The problem is that because nepereinami children's feelings You are not only rude to my mom, You'd be mad at any person giving You advice peremptory tone. Probably, it could be Your boss, client, or mentor, whose authority to give orders, advice and instructions, as this is a more serious consequences of the unfinished child relationship with the mother.
To understand why You now /offended/angry/scared/annoyed parents, colleagues, bosses and spouse, it would be good to remember when You experienced it for the first time. Yes, your kids need to grieve for the loss, resentment, live, anger to Express, otherwise they will be uncontrollable and neosoznanno to manifest in your relationship with Your parents and other people.
Lost the fire of anger — a direct path to disease
Holey identity or Why we are vulnerable
Doing this is difficult because often we do not know how to Express anger safely to others, tend to suppress feelings with the help of dependency or apathy, instead of living grievances often inclined to look for someone to blame. So with children's feelings about being in adult life, it is easier to work in a psychologist's office.
To realize and Express their childish feelings is the first step to adulthood and psychological separation from parents.published
Author: Anna Negreeva
Source: annanegreeva.ru/kogda_mama_razdrazhaet/
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See also
How to harm the child, without resorting to a beating
Interesting and easy learning of the child
Children TO self: the unconscious substitution of a man in a woman's life
When shame tastes like a mother's care
Why is it so hard to make dissatisfaction your child
