Do not do good, not evil.
Good intentions pave the road to hell.Proverbs
What lies beneath the desire to help a close person?
Desire to alter the person, to impose their point of view, to educate him, to teach the mind to reason.
Often the situation when a person has something to change in your life through transformational courses or to spiritual practices, and now he will certainly want to make the other everything changed.
People see the unpleasant situation in life, the middle, and he is sure he understands the reasons for these troubles.And he wants to force the other to change their lives
, because a close person in the life so bad.
He is convinced that his pure and sincere intention, nothing else, how to make life a close friend is good and to relieve suffering.It is for these reasons: out of generosity and kindness, many rush to "save", believing that they help.
But if to consider this question more deeply, in fact they hurt, as the middle, and myself.Middle imposing their beliefs of how best to live is a tricky quality,
which leads to problems in life to emotional breakdowns, to the loss of health and deterioration of relationships.
In this article, we will consider questions such as:
- Why a good deed leads to tragic consequences?
- Why helping others trying to improve their lives, you are ruining yours?
- As related concepts “help” and “harm”?
Anja StieglerTake care of yourself, do not throw to save the world
You may think that someone needs to be rescued, you have a desire to save the world from disaster. But what the world wants is your own happiness.
Concentrate on yourself and enjoy your life. Make her happy. Others will see your progress and will come on their own and want to know how you came to such a life.
When a person loses positive emotions and enjoyment of life, he still reacts aggressively, evaluates what is happening is dramatic.
Such a person has no resources, he can't help. Not because people are callous or indifferent, but because he has nothing to give.
Impossible to share what you have own is missing. But if you have something and share a last effort, your help will be of poor quality, because there is inherently energy shortages and damages.
If you find yourself in the role of rescuer, it is a reason to pay attention to your life, deal with them.
Anja StieglerStop living in drama
As a rule, is your loved ones leads to the fact that you fall into resentment, anger and complaints.
Common example of when parents get with their “good” children, and then wait for the intervention of gratitude. Complain that the child is somehow their noble impulses of kindness and assistance is not appreciated.
In such parental behavior is another unpleasant side to the coin. Children get used to such a manifestation of goodness, there is no need to ask and take the initiative.
They do not learn to Express their desires, so others will expect the manifestation of the granted actions. Resulting in their frustration and belief that the world is cruel.
It's one thing when you offer to help, and quite another when you climb uninvited with his help.
What does it help? And whether the person is willing to accept it?
Or that you yourself have decided is best for another and went to do him good?
Anja StieglerAllow people to go their own way
Don't expect that loved ones will appreciate your impulses. If changes in your life, people do pay attention.But when you impose your opinion and prove that you are right and in another you assert themselves at the expense of others.
You said pride, “I know how to live”, “I'll teach you how to act”, “I know better what you need.”First,
so you show disrespect to the person, do not appreciate his right to develop as he wants. Not let him commit an error, to which he is entitled.
Show respect to the person, leave him the right to dispose of his life.
Even when you are definitely convinced that bad person builds his life. That it is not comfortable to live as he lives.Secondly,
it leads to unpleasant consequences for you. Even if a person outwardly agree with you, the soul remains a residue that will affect the future of your relationship.When you impose your opinion and prove the other that he is wrong, you are depriving him of the opportunity to live their lives.
You lose your hand, spend their energy on beliefs in their rightness. And also invalidate other people because you don't give them a chance to open up and go their own way at their own pace of development.
If you still manage to get others to live by your standards, the people close to you just lose yourself in other people's standards.
Anja StieglerWhy are you playing the role of rescuer
People tend to think that caring for others out of love.
But love is not compatible with the dissatisfaction of one's neighbor, with a claim to it, violence and dissatisfaction.
Employees may not allow others to be imperfect, when this is not possible with yourself.
Man condemns others condemns himself if. Mistakes in life are inevitable and you can't call yourself or anyone to blame for them.
The care and concern demonstrated by people trying to compensate this gap in itself.
By helping another person solve their personal problems. Or running away from their own troubles. It's easier to dig into someone else's life than to acknowledge the imperfection of his.
When a person is able to appreciate himself, he has no need to assert themselves through the teachings of others.
Anja StieglerOn that note, if there is a desire to save others1.
Such a person constantly sees and points out small mistakes of other people, which led to the troubles in their lives.
In relationships, this manifests itself when someone did something wrong, and people are constantly on this hint, and reminds us of this.2.
People are constantly quoted nice words and compliments made to him.
That's what happens when he dealt with the problem in a difficult situation, something he did well and he is constantly voiced in a conversation with other people.
There is an attempt to assert themselves at the expense of positive statements in his address.3.
When a person in a conversation is behaving in a way that the last word should always remain with him.4.
When a person constantly interrupts others in conversation.5.
When a person imposes high expectations on other people. Inside him is a strong belief how to behave around a given situation.
And if people do not adhere to these beliefs, act differently, this leads to disappointment and to a large number of claims against others.
That imposes a strong imprint on the relationship of such person with the environment.
The desire to remake others and improve their lives is connected with the criticism of towards the close.
Since they, in your understanding, live wrong, doing wrong, not doing what you need to do.
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Once you have someone start to criticize, you immediately closes the heart.
The heart is your ability to love, accept themselves and others, to be able to build relationships with others.published
Author: Olga Luder