Almost a year ago was a momentous event for me — I turned 45. And six months earlier we celebrated the 18th birthday of his daughter. What is the meaning of these events in the life of the average Russian woman who has used all his life to vpahivat at work and at home, raising children, spinning around a husband and live my life for someone else?
This means that the "duty fulfilled" and it is time to "live for yourself",
when in my youth I heard from my mom. But her words to me then it did not come. "Live for yourself" is generally what? It is, in General, how? And, most importantly, why? I was not to myself. But the children grew up, and it suddenly came, this time... the other half for myself... And what to do about it?
I'm 45, daughter 18.
It just so happened that I was always in a hurry to live. And when last year I found myself in this turn, then suddenly realized that I already had... Only half conscious life has passed, and already the diploma of career, and three of marriage, and son with daughter, and even grandchildren! At the same time (my poor kids!) — numerous trainings of personal growth, vegetarianism, separate food, fasting, Ayurveda, yoga, Tantra, "Eye revival" and "Beloyar", and much more. Spoiled on this basis, relationships with relatives, moving from the metropolis to relocate to the Altai territory, the return and the establishment of relations, re-integrate themselves into the urban environment. And in all this hustle and bustle — final loss themselves. And then a few years of searching and study a real and growing desire to share with people all your acquired experience. Only dream about strong family and cozy home, a kind of "quiet Harbor" for posterity, and remained dreams. Well, it is necessary to do something in the remaining half of my life!
I'm 45... Already? All!
So far to Paradise...
Lived-lived, and nothing...
And again youth! Second!
So, last year I turned 45 and my daughter 18. This means that I did my parental duty, and I took responsibility for the upbringing of children. I want to note that I clearly felt this metamorphosis. It was a very strange feeling, as with parental responsibility inseparable I lived 25 years in a row — from the birth of a son to adulthood daughter. And now it all of a sudden, no... Very strange... And nature abhors a vacuum, and the vacant space had something to do. I had read that many women suffer the growing up of the children: someone makes new kids, someone gets divorced, someone, on the contrary, is getting married, someone starts going to Church... well, who as you can to the fun on the background of stress. This stress, very serious and, — check for yourself. Having read all of the passions on the subject, I began to be frightened in advance: "Kids grow up. And what am I going to do when they grow up?"
It's only been a couple of years, and now I rejoice: "How wonderful that the children grew up! How would I now all the time!" And after getting an offer to write an article, the first thing I decided to share my joy of how they manage to live a full life when you are "45+" when the children grew up, the youth is gone, and in front of "a lot of happiness and grandchildren, and anniversaries of friends", as I wrote in a congratulatory message ten years ago.
Came to mind a joke: Georgians got divorced and is sad: "Adyn, adyn, adyn savsem..." he Stopped, thought, "Adyn, adyn, adyn savsem?". Scratched his head and ran on, skipping: "Adyn, adyn, adyn SUVs!!!"
Here and here. In any life change there's always a moment of happiness, you only need to see him! As stated in the wisdom: "If you think that your whole life is falling apart, it tries to log something beautiful". And I confirm that in the third stage of the process, "Adyn, adyn, adyn SUVs!!!" life is absolutely beautiful!
The process of inscribing themselves into the new reality I started with an inventory of all conscious life
Back 25 years ago, I asked myself the questions: "what I wanted? I dreamed of? What was delayed?“
And then looked back at ourselves today: "What had I achieved? What I was really need? Objectively what do I still lack? And globally — who I am now and what I can be useful to the world? How can I use my experience?“
And most importantly — "Why mactime left for me are the unreached?"
Since the real purpose and the true face of any person can be very easy to determine by his actions and friends, my saministrosi began with a circle of friends and favorite activities. In the end, there were some lists that had to check if it's all mine? And favorite it? Or just historically? A year later, in the dry residue of "my" and "beloved" has allocated three groups: "Creation", "Movement" and "Communication".
The hardest part was with "Fellowship."
As a man open and responsive, the social circle I had quite extensive. The idea of "who is who?" — a very vague... I've always liked to communicate and be useful to people, so such questions I just asked. To classify all my friends, for starters I need to understand who of them are my friends and who is friends and who acquaintances? My vague idea cleared up after about six months, when life, in response to my request, I arranged them all myself. Clearly separated friends, decided circles with the same interests and the background moved a variety of friends. Revealed the main themes of your communication with each, and the purpose of this communication also became clear. And some way out of this circle out. And I was very pleased that in the first line of my circle of friends were my children and some of their friends. This means that I have to live in the rhythm of modern and fast changing life!
Now, on account of the "Movement".
This is a VERY important moment for me, as my element is air, and movement is energy and youth. It seems to me that as soon as I stop moving, I immediately get old. So, in my Arsenal are all available from your favorite physical activities. Daily walks in the forest, to our Siberian "sea" and just in my beloved town. Regularly — Cycling, and Hiking anywhere in nature. Sure — skating and skiing in winter, swimming in summer, and the pool at any time of the year. And yet the dream of my entire life — my favorite Latin dances (but about them separately). In addition, many journeys — trips to friends in a nearby town, to parents in a village in the Altai mountains, to salt lake, dance festivals, etc., etc. Trips help to keep the ease on the rise and a fresh perspective.
As for "Creativity"
, that was the easy part of my inventory, because creativity is always linked to talent and, consequently, is always with me. My talents — poems, notes and articles, photos of nature, inventing games with children, tasty food, knitting, and the total dilution of the order.
In addition, creative work — the different intellectual marathons, flash mobs and other ways of self-knowledge like hundred-day's rest, which I gladly joined. My profession is process improvement and implementation of changes in enterprises (process analyst and project Manager on implementation) — it is also creativity! All of these Hobbies create additional opportunities. Funny poems opened up my social circle with poets and musicians. Notes on life gave way to "life is interesting!", in the world of people with similar views on life. All this taken together creates an environment that I constantly go somewhere, change something in your life and to someone something to help. And it makes me happy!
Now, about the dancing. I love the Latinum! Is that prior to inventory were not present in my list, but by asking yourself the question — "What have I always wanted to do but wasn't possible?" managed to dig up a childhood dream and to do it in earnest. At the moment, after two years of practice, I more or less tolerable dancing Cuban salsa, Dominican bachata and Brazilian forró. A little more — Cuban son, Rumba and merengue. Dancing in my life is "three in one" and "Creativity", and "Movement" and "Communication".
It is a good mood, it's summer all year round, is flexible and plastic, the interaction in the pair and stirring music. And lots and lots of "cuddling" and incredible emotions! By the way, as it turned out, it is a wonderful stress after divorce. I also travel to various festivals and master classes, new people, different culture, language practice. I would like to sincerely wish everyone to have such a hobby, unifying important areas of life!
Eighteen months after the 18th birthday of his daughter, my "life" became a reality.
And now to do everything, I can not imagine a single day without a plan.
But there is more to life and just have fun — go to the movies or theatre, have lunch with her daughter in a cafe, sit at a stormy sea at sunset, listen to the sounds of the forest at dawn, bring comfort home, play with kids, but at least take a walk with the cat! And yet, in my life itself began to appear regularly something new, which always left an empty place in the diary...
Life has become so full that one day, a few times not finding my house, best friend's daughter said, "Your mother leads a more active life than we are with you" and went to America for work&travel. And the daughter began to run to the stadium early, went to study at the florist, took food-photo and remembered his children's photomodelling of the past, and that the presence of the two works... I Think my girl, to achieve the milestone, there is no question: "is There life after 45?"
And my indefatigable grandmother, visited new idea to open your blog. Whether due to the absence of the very person who would be interested in my thoughts, or my life passion to clothe thoughts into words requires a creative outlet the blog but it just became vital. Well, not budushee I was talking to myself to talk in front of a mirror? But Life is still alive, her asking questions, she says. The thought of her throw, she answered another. Wants something, she will do it. Life in General is such an interesting thing! And how not to share?
Author: Ian Borzenkova