Constantly faced with people who constantly suffer, worry, be engaged in self-flagellation, react to all the events very painful. The vast majority of them fall under the formula: subjective suffering, objective reasons to not have pain.Why do people constantly suffer?
The answer is quite simple –he wants to suffer
. I am of course talking about the suffering of the "level place". He who seeks will always find, the more such people the skill of suffering from childhood developed to automatism. It is important to answer the question of why a person wants to suffer?
Here we should return to the topic of the comfort zone. The term is quite common, although many confusing the word comfort. After all, in the ordinary sense of the word comfort means convenience, something nice.
Although it is actually "comfort zone" means slightly different –this situation is familiar to you, you know what to do
. That does not mean that the comfort zone should be good and really comfortable. Must be familiar, and for many familiar does not mean nice, rather the opposite.
In war movies, often, in one form or another, show an episode. People are so used to the fighting, when there are explosions, shooting and so on, that concern is not so much the fight itself, how much of a lull. The silence is unusual and promises of the unknown consequences. For them the battle is more familiar and comfortable lull.
If a person was brought up with difficult conditions, faced with pressure from parents and others, felt the uselessness, nelyubimogo, felt the injustice experienced inside all the negative aspects, the suffering experiences are becoming the norm.
That is, he habitually when he is going through. Him "well" when he was "bad"
, and it's not because he is really good, but because he was so familiar. He got used to it, he knows what to do, how to drive in this. It's his comfort zone.
Any man to seek what is familiar to it and understand its "comfort zone". If the comfort zone is suffering, he will surely find a way to get hurt.
And according to our experience, I can say that the person is looking for ways for him to be in his comfort zone.
However, he avoids situations in which he can be really good, comfortable and pleasant. Why? Because "real good" is outside your comfort zone.When the person really well, he doesn't know what to do with it, he's just not used to it.
This leads to the fact that there is an alarm that gradually increases. Really comfortable condition is so unusual, so it is unclear what to do with it, so the person begins to feel anxiety and worry that this is no accident and can result in some unpredictable trouble.And how can you avoid something unknown is bad?
A very simple formula, lest something unknown is bad, you need to something habitually bad, that is something you are accustomed from childhood, you know how in this case lead, how to feel and in General is a well crafted and well-oiled machine.Further included is the individual tinctures, which help to get in your comfort zone:1. You can remember the children's resentment.
Why people do not want to let go of the past. Because there is always the possibility to recall the past, and "rolling" in the usual suffering. He will ask how my past to let go, but he really doesn't want to let him go, because for him it is an important factor that allows you to stay in the comfort zone.2. You can organize your life to experience suffering.
For example, a child is constantly forced to do something he does not want. A boring and monotonous job. He was worried, felt miserable, and it has become such an integral state, that as an adult, he chose a boring, routine, low-paid work.
The work does not bring any moral or material satisfaction, but allows you to maintain usual emotional state. And it can periodically try to seek a way out of this situation, but finds nothing and returns to his comfort zone. Although the objective possibilities for change are many.3. You can find a partner who will take on the role of "generator of suffering", which will allow a long time to be in the comfort zone.
With partners who are not ready to take on the role of a sadist, as it is not very interesting. It is unclear what to do with them.4. In the end, you can just engage in self-flagellation.
To catch hold of some minor stuff, then go to memories – voila – comfort zone. Suffering, suffering.
To become a grey rock, or What to do to a psychopath left you aloneWhat is my strength and my weakness
People find many ways to get hurt. You need to understand this mechanism. And to learn to control it, which is perfectly suited for such a tool, like a diary with a retrospective analysis. And "sufferers" you have to understand that all of what they want in his mind, close relationships, interesting work, pleasant communication, inner peace, all of this is outside your comfort zone. And the subconscious is pulling in familiar suffering, so it is important knowing is to cease to get pleasure from suffering, and to learn to accept and get pleasure from interest, joy, intimacy.Objective – the reasons for suffering in most people, no.Subjectively do not need to look for them.