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Mask of cowardice: what are we really afraid of
Each of us at least once in your life, but manifested itself as a psychological coward. This is very difficult to admit and understand what we are really afraid. The cowardice of many masks, behind which we can barely recognize. Let's look at them more and look your fears in the face.
Integrity
Such quality is poor, a man of principle drawn strong-willed and strong, not changing his principles and beliefs. But let's think better. A man of principle sometimes is just not able to adapt to the situation, change yourself and try to improve the lives of their loved ones.
He might act strictly by the rules, and ordinances, carefully observing them, even if they are performing no checks or it is irrelevant. But since he was scared to break them and to try differently, he will live under while the rest of us will be around to evolve and take risks.
So often under the guise of adherence to principle, lurking fear, inferiority complex, hesitation.If you suddenly found it in you, try to expand the boundaries, take a risk to do something you have always condemned – to go out in a small lunch break, or leave work early.
Generosity
Do you consider yourself generous? Have you been with your situation when in the cafe you left my change as a tip, taxis are also not waiting for delivery, went out, or brought a box of chocolates?
From all the above logic is only in the last act — the doctor still engaged in your health, and if the relationship is long-lasting and you can thank. But neither the taxi driver or the waiter you don't know and are unlikely to again encounter.
Someone justifies such actions by the fact that values and respects the work of others. But in a regular shop or market you do not leave the change, although people there also work. This act of generosity, hiding your cowardice, you are uncomfortable to demand the surrender of the taxi, suddenly think badly of you, or in a cafe not to leave "tea" too bad, will all look as a cheapskate. But do not be afraid to demand change, to wait and to be traded on the market and try to gain an advantage – it's all absolutely fine.
Hospitality can also have a downside. To accept and love guests, this is a fine quality, but often it happens that by excessive zeal, and fear of condemnation, the host or hostess serves the table with all the possible dishes, trying to put on the table.
But why so much food that just won't fit in your stomach? Now think – what are you afraid of? Condemnation or dissatisfaction of guests? But who will be unhappy? Came to visit you, to communicate, and this is important, so disgruntled fans will eat, and if next time they will not come to you – it will be a small loss.
Gallantry
Sometimes the upbringing and gallantry not allow a person to be attentive to their health. For example, gallant man would not deny a woman to carry heavy bags, even if he has a sore back. He will pretend that all is well, not wanting to seem rude or weak. And this fear may lead to serious consequences in the form of diseases and many problems.
Now let's analyze such quality as kindness. We should all strive to be truly kind and helpful, but sometimes what is hidden under the mask of kindness? Of course, fear.
For example, a woman feels good, because it always performs the requests of the husband, not denying – is preparing a lot of food and dishes, bake his favorite pies. And from his own "kindness" is very tired. At this time, the husband, eating well, growing in size and heavier. Kindness it? Not at all. It is the fear of conflict and change, after all, to eat right, you need to redo the whole diet and change of habits, and the first to show my husband that it's necessary.
Care
Our beautiful women love to shoulder too much things, and then it ends with migraines, fatigue and disease. And why? Of all the household matters, women are assuming, and cleaning and Laundry and cooking and buying food because he is afraid that someone will think she's a bad owner, ask for the help of my husband and children too uncomfortable, all going about their business, and they fail, of course. Such comprehensive care, as can be seen, too, the fear of condemnation.
Modesty and shyness
For modesty and shyness can hide a lot of emotions. When people do not like to engage in discussions, to attract attention, to Express their opinions, respond to lectures or meetings, even knowing the correct answer, he can be called humble. But he himself would say that.
In fact, this shyness hides the fear that people will not understand, condemn, make fun of. The person unconsciously thinks he's better than everyone, and people can spoil everything, because they are not so smart. To overcome this fear, you need to understand that special people are not all equal, and the sense of exclusivity a person should go with him, leave, and shyness.
Solidarity
Many acts are committed by people of solidarity that does not bring them anything good. Someone goes to College out of solidarity with friends, someone's getting married, others go to the demonstration, many dress up in fashionable clothes and make a hairstyle out of solidarity. This leads to the fact that all are equal, no one thinks with his head, does not Express its opinions and attitudes.
Solidarity fears to remain on the sidelines, behind the huge herd. But the herd cannot be happy, only to meet their needs. Should have the courage to Express their opinion, to realize that you really like, and what is not, what you want to do and how to live.
Courage
Bravery can be fraught with fear of condemnation, when a person is ready to fight and proud to defend his honor, actually fearing that everyone will know that he is a coward.
Suffering
Suffering is known to all of us the emotion that appears when various factors – it may be hunger, restlessness, destruction of hopes, the betrayal. We all have ever experienced suffering, but our attitude to it – individually, depending on our personal experience and perception of situations. Someone will suffer because of a small trifle, and to do from this tragedy, the other calmly and with dignity will survive great sorrow.
While suffering the man's face takes on an expression – raised eyebrows pushed, hard look. If the person is often in that condition, on his forehead formed vertical creases and wrinkles. When suffering help a lot of tears, having cried, the person releases heavy emotions and becomes much easier. But as many a child is scolded for crying, not all are able to cry, to restore this feature will help the therapist.
Suffering is not only negative feelings but also a signal for the person who says that the situation is unfavorable, that it is bad and need to change things urgently.
How to support a suffering person? First of all, you need to understand the cause of suffering. If it's the loss of a loved one or a serious illness – we should not try person to counsel or to say that everything will pass, just need to pull myself together. In order to cope with the situation, the person needs time, he's not very open and keeps. Better than trying any advice, just support and admire the courage and strength of a person who is experiencing trouble.
The attitude to suffering is laid in us from childhood. If parents scold and shame of a child who is crying and upset, the adults he will always be ashamed of his tears.
The child learned to cope with suffering and normal for him to react, to trust people and to be positive, parents have to support him in the expression of negative emotions and try to help find the source of the disorder and eliminate it.
If the parents settle the child, comforting caresses, but not trying to find and solve the causes of suffering, that person will always just be a rebound, but not to try to fight and solve the problem.
When parents first encourage baby to cry, but then as soon as my legs start to blame, the requirements of the parents differ, it will grow a child with delayed development and difficulty in communicating with people.
And remember, to relive suffering, it had the sense of the ultimate goal. As Frankl said, finding the loss a positive way, much can be done to ease the suffering.
Anger
Anger often comes after long suffering or depression. Also, anger can arise if you can't be satisfied needs. This can interfere with how the physical factors, laws, and psychological. If obstacles are easily overcome, anger arises. But if the obstacle is insurmountable, but the desire remains strong, the anger grows. The constant containment of small anger is very bad for the body.
An unmistakable symptom of toxic communication
Spiritual vanity
The anger was important in the process of evolution, but now he carries a lot of negative, creating feelings of betrayal, injustice, deceived. If the anger is contained, it may be a feeling of disgust towards the object of anger. So remember that those who in anger shouting at you and swearing does better than those who ignores and restrained. You should try to solve the cause of anger, to find this problem and analyse it, anger cannot grow, it destroys people from the inside. published
Author: Michael Litvak
Source: litvak.me/statyi/article_post/maski-trusosti
Integrity
Such quality is poor, a man of principle drawn strong-willed and strong, not changing his principles and beliefs. But let's think better. A man of principle sometimes is just not able to adapt to the situation, change yourself and try to improve the lives of their loved ones.
He might act strictly by the rules, and ordinances, carefully observing them, even if they are performing no checks or it is irrelevant. But since he was scared to break them and to try differently, he will live under while the rest of us will be around to evolve and take risks.
So often under the guise of adherence to principle, lurking fear, inferiority complex, hesitation.If you suddenly found it in you, try to expand the boundaries, take a risk to do something you have always condemned – to go out in a small lunch break, or leave work early.
Generosity
Do you consider yourself generous? Have you been with your situation when in the cafe you left my change as a tip, taxis are also not waiting for delivery, went out, or brought a box of chocolates?
From all the above logic is only in the last act — the doctor still engaged in your health, and if the relationship is long-lasting and you can thank. But neither the taxi driver or the waiter you don't know and are unlikely to again encounter.
Someone justifies such actions by the fact that values and respects the work of others. But in a regular shop or market you do not leave the change, although people there also work. This act of generosity, hiding your cowardice, you are uncomfortable to demand the surrender of the taxi, suddenly think badly of you, or in a cafe not to leave "tea" too bad, will all look as a cheapskate. But do not be afraid to demand change, to wait and to be traded on the market and try to gain an advantage – it's all absolutely fine.
Hospitality can also have a downside. To accept and love guests, this is a fine quality, but often it happens that by excessive zeal, and fear of condemnation, the host or hostess serves the table with all the possible dishes, trying to put on the table.
But why so much food that just won't fit in your stomach? Now think – what are you afraid of? Condemnation or dissatisfaction of guests? But who will be unhappy? Came to visit you, to communicate, and this is important, so disgruntled fans will eat, and if next time they will not come to you – it will be a small loss.
Gallantry
Sometimes the upbringing and gallantry not allow a person to be attentive to their health. For example, gallant man would not deny a woman to carry heavy bags, even if he has a sore back. He will pretend that all is well, not wanting to seem rude or weak. And this fear may lead to serious consequences in the form of diseases and many problems.
Now let's analyze such quality as kindness. We should all strive to be truly kind and helpful, but sometimes what is hidden under the mask of kindness? Of course, fear.
For example, a woman feels good, because it always performs the requests of the husband, not denying – is preparing a lot of food and dishes, bake his favorite pies. And from his own "kindness" is very tired. At this time, the husband, eating well, growing in size and heavier. Kindness it? Not at all. It is the fear of conflict and change, after all, to eat right, you need to redo the whole diet and change of habits, and the first to show my husband that it's necessary.
Care
Our beautiful women love to shoulder too much things, and then it ends with migraines, fatigue and disease. And why? Of all the household matters, women are assuming, and cleaning and Laundry and cooking and buying food because he is afraid that someone will think she's a bad owner, ask for the help of my husband and children too uncomfortable, all going about their business, and they fail, of course. Such comprehensive care, as can be seen, too, the fear of condemnation.
Modesty and shyness
For modesty and shyness can hide a lot of emotions. When people do not like to engage in discussions, to attract attention, to Express their opinions, respond to lectures or meetings, even knowing the correct answer, he can be called humble. But he himself would say that.
In fact, this shyness hides the fear that people will not understand, condemn, make fun of. The person unconsciously thinks he's better than everyone, and people can spoil everything, because they are not so smart. To overcome this fear, you need to understand that special people are not all equal, and the sense of exclusivity a person should go with him, leave, and shyness.
Solidarity
Many acts are committed by people of solidarity that does not bring them anything good. Someone goes to College out of solidarity with friends, someone's getting married, others go to the demonstration, many dress up in fashionable clothes and make a hairstyle out of solidarity. This leads to the fact that all are equal, no one thinks with his head, does not Express its opinions and attitudes.
Solidarity fears to remain on the sidelines, behind the huge herd. But the herd cannot be happy, only to meet their needs. Should have the courage to Express their opinion, to realize that you really like, and what is not, what you want to do and how to live.
Courage
Bravery can be fraught with fear of condemnation, when a person is ready to fight and proud to defend his honor, actually fearing that everyone will know that he is a coward.
Suffering
Suffering is known to all of us the emotion that appears when various factors – it may be hunger, restlessness, destruction of hopes, the betrayal. We all have ever experienced suffering, but our attitude to it – individually, depending on our personal experience and perception of situations. Someone will suffer because of a small trifle, and to do from this tragedy, the other calmly and with dignity will survive great sorrow.
While suffering the man's face takes on an expression – raised eyebrows pushed, hard look. If the person is often in that condition, on his forehead formed vertical creases and wrinkles. When suffering help a lot of tears, having cried, the person releases heavy emotions and becomes much easier. But as many a child is scolded for crying, not all are able to cry, to restore this feature will help the therapist.
Suffering is not only negative feelings but also a signal for the person who says that the situation is unfavorable, that it is bad and need to change things urgently.
How to support a suffering person? First of all, you need to understand the cause of suffering. If it's the loss of a loved one or a serious illness – we should not try person to counsel or to say that everything will pass, just need to pull myself together. In order to cope with the situation, the person needs time, he's not very open and keeps. Better than trying any advice, just support and admire the courage and strength of a person who is experiencing trouble.
The attitude to suffering is laid in us from childhood. If parents scold and shame of a child who is crying and upset, the adults he will always be ashamed of his tears.
The child learned to cope with suffering and normal for him to react, to trust people and to be positive, parents have to support him in the expression of negative emotions and try to help find the source of the disorder and eliminate it.
If the parents settle the child, comforting caresses, but not trying to find and solve the causes of suffering, that person will always just be a rebound, but not to try to fight and solve the problem.
When parents first encourage baby to cry, but then as soon as my legs start to blame, the requirements of the parents differ, it will grow a child with delayed development and difficulty in communicating with people.
And remember, to relive suffering, it had the sense of the ultimate goal. As Frankl said, finding the loss a positive way, much can be done to ease the suffering.
Anger
Anger often comes after long suffering or depression. Also, anger can arise if you can't be satisfied needs. This can interfere with how the physical factors, laws, and psychological. If obstacles are easily overcome, anger arises. But if the obstacle is insurmountable, but the desire remains strong, the anger grows. The constant containment of small anger is very bad for the body.
An unmistakable symptom of toxic communication
Spiritual vanity
The anger was important in the process of evolution, but now he carries a lot of negative, creating feelings of betrayal, injustice, deceived. If the anger is contained, it may be a feeling of disgust towards the object of anger. So remember that those who in anger shouting at you and swearing does better than those who ignores and restrained. You should try to solve the cause of anger, to find this problem and analyse it, anger cannot grow, it destroys people from the inside. published
Author: Michael Litvak
Source: litvak.me/statyi/article_post/maski-trusosti
