How shyness poisons life

When I studied the views of various authors on shyness, I was surprised to find that some experts believe shyness as a positive. And do not fight it, but you need to cherish.

Strongly disagree with this statement. In my opinion, shyness does not allow a person not only to achieve anything like significant progress, but also poisons the daily life of a shy person.

What is shyness.

1. Definition of shyness in the Anglo-Saxon dictionary:. A person who is easily frightened
Being shy, so have difficulty in communicating because of shyness, caution and distrust.
Webster's Dictionary Shyness - discomfort in the presence of other

. Shyness - a general tendency to experience tension, stiffness and awkwardness in social situations

. In the dictionary Dahl origin of the word shyness, is considered as a derivative of zastenitsya, shielding.

A man does something that he would like or what he good at it, because it follows the commands of the internal supervisor who says, "You're going to look ridiculous on you will laugh, there is no place for this, you'll be fine if you do not hear or see. »

Shy man tries not to behave spontaneously. He avoids spontaneous behavior.

Shy people organize their lives so that tries to avoid situations in which the need to act spontaneously. (Trying not to go beyond the narrow corridor of comfort).

Shy people find it difficult to meet new people, make new friends, to carry out nice opportunity

Shyness prevents assert their rights, express their opinions and talk about their system of values.

Shyness reduces the positive assessment of others of your abilities

Shyness causes confusion and unnecessary concern own reactions

Shyness prevents clear thinking and communication effectiveness
Negative feelings such as depression, anxiety, and loneliness - the usual shyness satellites

. There are various theories of occurrence of shyness:

1. Researchers personality traits are confident that shyness is a specific feature

2. Behavioral psychology considers that "shy" just do not have the social skills.

It is believed that it is the acquired reaction to social events, resulting from negative past experiences with people in certain situations: direct contact or observation of the failure of other
. Lack of proper communication skills.
The expectation that the behavior is inappropriate and as a consequence of the constant concern about their actions.
Permanent self-abasement because of their "inadequate" (I'm shy, I'm unable to).
According to their theory, the child may become self-conscious, trying to communicate on an equal footing in a world ruled by adults

3. Psychoanalysts - shyness is a symptom manifestations of internal conflicts

. 4. Sociologists believe that shyness is a manifestation of social attitudes.

5. Social psychologists believe that shyness starts with the label "Shy", which he hung on the parents and the people around them.
By the appearance of shyness can cause constant comparison of one child to another (See Bob some courageous. Do not fear. You coward)

Shyness can manifest itself in a variety of situations.

1. When a person feels shy in some situations. As a rule, it does not have a significant impact on human life

2. The average degree of shyness - a person is experiencing shyness in some situations and with some people. For example, a person may not feel shy when dealing with new people, but shyness arises when dealing with the reference group (the student can easily communicate with their peers, but feels shy in front of a respected professor. The young man perfectly communicates with the boys, and when communicating with the girls falls in a stupor).

3. Extreme shyness arises if necessary contact with different types of people. Fear of people knows no bounds. Chronically "shy" experience such fear and anxiety in the presence of other people, that there is only one desire - to escape, escape

. Shyness can take the form of severe neurosis, paralyze the mind. You can become one of the causes of suicide.

On the other hand, the shy people are often very pleasant for others. Many of them feel good. Although in fact it is not kindness.


The inner world of a shy person.

Three types of reactions can be distinguished, which are shown at shyness:

Behavioral signs indicating
shyness Physiological symptoms
The feeling of embarrassment and uncertainty

Behavioral signs of shyness

It's hard to look his interlocutor in the eye
Quiet voice
Hardly articulate their thoughts. Rarely are enveloped in a verbal form of his inner world.
Stiffness in the movements, etc.

The problem of shyness - is not only a lack of communication skills, it is a misunderstanding of the meaning of human relationships. "Shy" believe that it is easier to remain silent and stay with her, than to say something and possibly lose.

Physiological symptoms:

Increased sweating
Shy people tend to focus on these symptoms. In fact, they sometimes tend to not get into a situation in which may feel embarrassed. They feel these symptoms in advance and thinking only about the disaster and try to avoid them causing events.

Loss of confidence
Violation of intellectual functions.

On the last point I would like to elaborate. In the mind of a shy person sitting censor, overseer. A sort of a judge who says, "right" behavior or not. This judge is planted to the parents, has the human lifetime (sometimes this way of parent). If a person does not get rid of the judge, he will never be able to get rid of shyness.

What happens in my head a shy person?

First, it constantly monitors the situation, trying to determine what impression he makes on others.

Secondly, in a head shy man is a constant dialogue with its domestic supervisor. What you can do, and what not. And what do they think of me, and so

Both of these processes are taken most of human intellectual resources. The intellect, the mind, which should be directed to the analysis of the situation and decision-making, a person spends on it to keep track of them produced an impression and agree with his censor.

On the decision of the problem of intelligence is not enough. In times when a person is experiencing shyness, he is a "clouding" reason. We can say temporarily "blunt". It is for this reason that shy people are often unable to take a decision, to find the right answer. Often even take a completely wrong decision. And it's not because they do not have enough "brain." With the intelligence that's all right. Just at that moment the whole mind is aimed at monitoring the attitude of the surrounding and internal dialogues.

When growing anxiety and self-control is activated, shy pay less attention to the incoming information. Shyness to limit impairs memory.

Of interest in this regard, the stories of people who performed the job, to get rid of shyness. One of the tasks - announcing stops in full bus. By the way very effectively. Once a person has typed into the air mouth to shout stop, he began to feel that fails, almost fainting.

So shy person may be very intelligent, but in a situation that caused shyness, he becomes bad. Therefore, I believe that you need to get rid of shyness.

One of the "favorite" activities shy people, a self-examination. Introspection on the one hand a sign of mental health, but when it becomes an obsession, it points to a mental disorder.

Shy people are extremely concerned. Introspection behavior in humans is often reflected in the fact that the person concerned about the impression he makes on others.

Compulsive introspection shy person becomes an end in itself and strangles its capacity for action, directing the energy needed to act on the idea.

One of the most unpleasant consequences of shyness - that it makes a man so focused on himself that he simply did not notice anything that is going on around. Shy people isolate themselves from the warmth of human relations. Many live on the principle of "Do not let others do not ask».

When deciding whether or not to communicate with another person, we are thinking about the possibility of winning and compare it with the potential loss if we find boring, unworthy or ridiculous. Chronically shy people are acutely aware of this decision-making process, because there is always concerned to be accepted. They constantly weigh the advantages and disadvantages of communication with anyone whatsoever, even if the relationship is already established.

Shy people often solve the problem radically new relationships - they give them up. They do not take the risk of being rejected, but prefer isolation. But one has to take the risk, to tie the important relationships in your life.

In fact, many want to shy to talk and laugh. Tacit irritation - their usual reaction to the neglect of society, even if they have made this choice

. Shyness

Types shy people

Internally shy.

They do not look like shy people. It is easy to communicate with different people. Often they succeed. Produce a favorable impression. But inside, they have a pronounced voltage. Too much effort is spent on a hunch events and to different things in it. No one knows what it is to sustain this game confident person.

Outwardly shy.

These are people who look and behave like shy. Try to limit contact. Try nothing to ask. They try to hide. Be discreet. Often secretive. Rarely succeed. Any failure causes a loss of confidence.

What causes shyness

Shyness and relationships with other people.

Shy people are closed to others. And in order to establish a close relationship, an important discovery. However, the shy people, too, are in need of an intimate relationship. The process of rapprochement with other people difficult. It takes a very long time. Shy person comes closer to very slowly, carefully probing the soil.

And if this convergence has occurred, "shy" cherishes the contact. Not even because it is valuable for itself a partner in communication, but rather because of the loss of a partner will need to look for another. And for the shy person is a very painful process. This explains the fact that people often shy friend, a true friend, "pulls" almost since childhood. And this also explains the tendency to "stick" to a sexual partner. After all, he is afraid that the other can not be found.

Shyness and sex.

Sexual relations are the most uncertain of all. There are no clear boundaries of behavior there.

Shy man in sex:

Not clever
Not always keeps the excitement, because often he thinks of the produced impression. In women, there may be difficulties in obtaining orgasm.
Afraid to ask about something
partner He tries not to talk about sex
I inclined to fantasize about sex, but not always talk about it. If a woman has a desire to catch a partner, she will tie him to her.
Shyness and spirits.

Shy people tend to drink hard liquor.


Removing accumulated voltage
Remove barriers that allows a person to feel less self-conscious.
Sometimes shy people are prone to violence. A shy person does not show his feelings. They gradually accumulate, and after some time, splash in the form of inappropriate or unwarranted aggression, violence, sadistic inclinations. For others such behavior seems unmotivated, although there is always a root cause, which is to be found in the soul of a shy person.

Shyness often leads to the development of psychosomatic diseases.

In general, you need to get rid of shyness. Moreover, there is a technology to do it.


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