How to not be dependent on relations

Intimacy is a psychological drama Mike Nichols based on the play of Patrick Marber. On poles ads: anonymous help for addicts, will help you to quit drinking; but judging by the number of questions to me in PM, people want to recover even from sigaret, but simply from attachment to other people.

If a friend at the meeting, tells us how she's doing with the boy, she said how would become self-sufficient. It means not to wait for the call, and quietly go about their business, not to feel anguish, not to suffer loneliness, do not fret due to the fact that something has not happened and will not happen.

Honestly — I never happened before.

Courses for pregnant women are taught that children, which are worn on the hands, and did not forcibly weaned from the breast themselves away from mother's skirt and running his business (build sneeuw fortress or gnaw a chair leg). They received so much love and acceptance, how much they had and they are confident enough.

Do not claim that all tied on this, but in my case it seems to be true. I was very sad in the orphanage wanted to live at home. The need for privacy, sense of protection, some support was strongly felt in the school, and immediately after it. I have been told that Peter fixed me: the fact that we had a house where is calm, well, you can always get the required affection and care and don't need to wait for the pressure, give space where you can safely emotionally "Mature". Or grow your inner child, you could say.

For growth need strength, and when you have a regular struggle, all the resources thrown at the defense. The development stops, the price of this every time you are very collected — not even assembled, and "sandwiched" and ready to reflect the impact. This is particularly noticeable in girls which every phrase seems to reproach:

"Why, when you get in the bath, the water spills out?
Is because I have a fat ass, huh?"

Some still live every day in the struggle for personal space or the ability not to be offended for some trivia, for the right to keep their mood good. Such people are by far the first need to end the war and to lick their wounds, the force returned to study, work, joy.

But if resources allow, I shall tell exercise.

I noticed that I often experience is not something that I have now in hand, and because of what I have. Could be so, but it turned out that way; nostalgic for the time and I miss people not here right now.

If I find myself above, I take a deep breath and voiced a number of facts:

1) Those who are not now near me — does not exist. They live in parallel worlds, can be heroes books, but the only real world — the one that I feel, hear, see and can touch them just yet. At the other end of the globe, and 5 miles — it's equally far to poke in the ribs with a finger.

2) there is No future or past and never had. The past is my memories, and memories are automatically adjusted my brain and not worth of trust. Really only the present, and the rest is equivalent to my fantasies. This means that the real gray carpet under my feet, the air I breathe, the notebook, which is held in the hands. We must try to throw the fantasy out of your head and feel the reality of the five senses — for a few seconds tightly focused on the outside.

When you hold me — so in the moment and always will be, you should rejoice. If you and someone break up — we were never close and never will because the reality is both the past and the future.

When I immerse myself in dreams, I think I really am talking to someone alive, and do not read the letters on the phone screen on the move, stumbling in the transitions. And of course, when I have a choice between two realities — first and I shake hands and I watch with narrowed eyes as the sun becomes entangled in the hair of a loved one, and the last just sitting behind a shabby wooden Desk on a dreary pair, I could easily choose the first world and be missing in the second. But one of them is real and the second just a Mirage and a memory. And to remind ourselves of this is very helpful in choosing where to live now.

And I like to live in the present, even behind a shabby Desk with carved the word "***".

Just guessing until this exercise, I finally understand a passage from "dandelion Wine", where in the past a sentimental old lady who kept all her dresses and tickets to the Opera, makes stuff and memories to the back yard and fueling a big fire.

— How old are you, Mrs. Bentley?
— Seventy-two.
— And how old were you fifty years ago?
— Seventy-two.
And you were never young and never wore ribbons and such dresses?
— What's your name?
— Mrs. Bentley.
And you have lived all my life in this house?
For my entire life.
And never were pretty?
— Never ever in a thousand million years? In the sultry silence of the summer noon, the girls inquiring bowed to the old woman and waited for an answer.
"Never," replied Mrs. Bentley. — Never ever in a thousand million years.

In short, seize the moment.


Source: /users/1077


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