Tolerance or why people are so hard to bear the fact that someone might be different
Sixty seven million one hundred sixty four thousand five hundred seventy one
Why are people so hard to bear the fact that someone can strongly differ from them, why they are hard to be tolerant of other people? — How can we make what others differ from us, directly depends on how we cope with their own anxiety.
If people tend to what is anxiety their "sinks", absorbing reactive forces act, without the ability to understand the situation, they are looking for "easy" ways to calm down. One of them, alas, to join the group, which aggressive behavior toward others, thereby promoting their importance and reducing their own anxiety. Needless to say that the more society stresses that any economic, political, military — the lower the tolerance?
People create group identity, so much as "WE", in which individual human "I" to his personal responsibility, the choice of agony and doubts dissolved, termed "depersonalization". One of its consequences – reduced criticism to incoming information (especially if the source is reputable), "black and white thinking", a gross simplification, flattening of the image "is not such a" person, wrap it under a stereotype.
Arise magical generalizations as "all". "All Gypsies are thieves," for example, you heard of it? Or "all childfree are just not Mature enough to parent responsibility" and so on. A group of "external enemy" is simply needed for a satisfactory sense of self, and if you wonder what would these people, if conditional object of their hostility in some fantastic way gone? And it becomes clear that the cohesion of their ranks rests on the principle of "friendship against somebody". This, by the way, quite successfully used by leaders of all times and peoples, diverting the attention of the electorate from more pressing problems.
In the Middle ages during outbreaks of the "external enemy" declared that heretics, beautiful women; in the Soviet Union the unity of the nation, too, clung against an external enemy – "terrible" and a "decaying" West. The principle of "divide and rule" works in modern Russia. This behavior is typical for sects, when all who are outside of the sect generally, and without special explanation are declared "wrong, not in those who do not understand". Characteristically, any group that identifies themselves from the "external enemy", insists on the approach of "whoever is not with us is against us". And then it becomes impossible to approach, "Yes, we are not the same beliefs, I still respect the man so-and-so", and it becomes possible "He does not agree with me at one point, and therefore all the rest can not be good".
In fact, low tolerance protects its host: either from not very comfortable to him information about himself (when a hostile group of annoying with some of his superiority), or from the comfort of information about the world and fear to be "not so" — for example, the old, the sick, the homeless, the disabled. Then you want to hide behind the shield of belief "This person is himself to blame, and never will be»
What to do and how to be in situations where outside you yourself are being bullied for the "otherness" of you? To destroy the depersonalization. If this is your work Colette, and you are being bullied for a difference, you can try to get in personal contact with each separately. To see the human in you. To reduce the level of anxiety. To show that your beliefs do not threaten their beliefs. What if you are a vegan or childfree, it does not mean that you hate people with kids or those who eat meat. Suitable position, "I do this for myself, but will not impose" Such a position assumes tolerance in yourself. In the case of absolutely blatant aggression to resist. If there is no other way to go. To seek out those who You understand.
What to do in a situation when because of your difference from the rest you are showing outright aggression in the team (for example, a girl childfree, but in the workplace the typical "mommy" who can make a real persecution "nizozemscina")? How to behave? – Again, it's "you have wonderful children, and I respect your choice to become a mother, but it is not to be I respect too" If it sounds sincere, it will work. If You really think that all these moms with kids "ponarozhali sows" — it won't work. We must start with ourselves.
What to do if the team is not aggressive, and simply ignores you? How you need to behave? – Disregarding tolerated much harder direct aggression, oddly enough. She is only disguised, and therefore holds double the voltage know when to break and how. You may want to make the situation visible, to bring into open aggression (unless it threatens life and health), asking, for example: "You fall silent when I enter the office, and pointedly turn away, is something wrong?»
Also, it often happens that everyone you communicate their views (for example, vegetarian), you begin to talk, to instruct on "the right path" and try to convince them that it is impossible to live. How to react and how to behave to avoid this hassle? – This is a kind of care, although in fact there is a violation of boundaries. What to do: If the person is a stranger and to you personally is irrelevant to define the boundaries. "Thank you, I don't want to talk about it". If significant 1. With interest to hear why the person thinks it's wrong 2. To admit that his point of view is one of existing in this world. 3. Admit that you respect him, but still your beliefs.
If it is sincere, it works.
Why many people, not just tolerant of the "not so", according to them, people but proud of my intolerance? Strongly emphasize and highlight? – Because they like to be members of a certain, most likely, the alleged "right" of the majority. This increases their own importance, which without, apparently, is not great. That is, we are again talking about anxiety and insecurity. And then actively demonstrate belonging to the "right" group elevates man in his own eyes and makes it a kind of "Superman" in relation to other "sub-humans". And potential "subhuman" may irritate their superiority: they can be or seem smarter, richer, happier — the list is endless. The mechanism of the threat, and not just work – whether in Nazi Germany towards ethnic and sexual minorities, Soviet Russia against the dissidents. Well said, Churchill, responding to a question about anti-Semitism in Britain: "the British are not anti-Semites because we do not consider ourselves more stupid than the Jews". That says it all.
I say again, that if persecution came to the point of real threats to physical security, we should lay aside all attempts to prove to the aggressor "I'm not dangerous and do not interfere". There is need to protect yourself, your health and your life.