Love me for who I am, or to learn means to change

At times, us in social networks, in the literature and just in life say: here kindly take a particular situation, that is, "love me for who I am." Recently on Facebook was the following message, gained mass approval and repost that here love is true love is when you accept the person the way he is. Completely. And that's all. Messages are this kind: “do not copy, take as an example, just take people as they are... and let them be, that's how they are.” Let it the way it is...

There are versions explaining the story, I see the following: "accept people for who they are" sounds here as a kind of COERCION. What I'm saying, I do not agree (or disagree) occasionally, something else will happen or what he's doing... but.... what to do – told to accept, said this is the love that is the practice, and all – so will have to do it, taking! So be it... And the second option – once they are told to accept them, but I can and somewhere to hide to them not to be contacted, and let them be, they are what they are.

In some way I see it, in fact, the original distortion of the term"to take" – because it comes from English, where writing to accept-and this accept to accept is translated in the dictionary (under "psychology" ) how to Perceive and Understand! To be in the perception and understanding of what we go out for signaling system. In particular, the person of a warehouse. And now to be able to perceive and not to hide somewhere, so Yes – to accept the situation, in the sense that "I enter into this situation," I take guests, I accept this situation as a guest, which I'm starting to understand it. Here in this plan – Yes. But the guest may not like. And then this situation will require in relation to him a gentle, but adequate actions.Going back to what they usually say: "we don't fix it", "people don't change", and that they are what they are, "take them!" and so, at least, will be “better”.
But, if all people have always done, especially in relation to us, when we were in school, we would have learned nothing. Because if you "adopt" a student as lazy, who came to the school, it turns out that here it is, bummer, well, take it as a lazy man, albeit living as lazy. Why offend the student?.. BUT! In any normal LEARNING process, the teacher accepts the disciple, as a physical body in class and then ACTS on it. Acts and “carrot and stick”. Especially when the student does not want to learn for one reason or another. But he came to learn, and accept him as not wanting to learn, no way! It is necessary to influence that people studied, we influence thus contribute to its development simply! The same thing happens in the practices of meditation or interpersonal relations in everyday life. Why is it we have to agree on everything? Even if we are doing something and some time mistaken, then be sure to check "whether I was right?" is also work!

That is, if we say: "I accept myself the way I am. And that's all. Point" – then, it turns out, I'm not studying, I can not change! I am salapoliisi in those conditions in which I took myself, I'm happy with this, and I'm in this state will continue. Or I learn – taking in the form of a study, as an object of study. So, "so be it" is one thing, but perceive the object, which is, and examine my relationship with him meet or do not meet the current situation is already another event. And this event is already in tune with "to study Buddhism is to study ourselves" (Dogen). This is a completely different approach. And in this respect the effect is the opposite. Though not as clearly as I did in school, where we can blame: but it is needless to say, if I study and go out on assessment, I have to evaluate what else? I need to know whether I am right or not right to do a particular task, how accurately was it something I done, and what can I do to fix it. So here, when we meditate, we communicate with other people, we need to understand what is happening with us and with them, to understand, that is “to accept”, as the perception with understanding. If we're talking about a man – it's not just perception, but also understanding. It is full of human perception work. If something does not agree and we, by and large, know that the one with whom we communicate, is wrong – we need to notify him or her about it. And it is not necessarily the words! It could just be our not pandering to how this person behaves. And it is also impact. This is also a Buddhist version of the interpenetration of all things. And our participation in that the person does not – this is also a signal that we do not agree with this situation.

And if we want to deal with the situation, it really is first, should be taken as such, just in the form of a signal. That is, make the signal, to understand what it is, to see whether in the double standards it meets or does not meet the "care wars", at least; whether to go into a meditative state and help somebody else do this. And then "make" in this sense, it is quite clear. So you do not want the other person to change, and it still will never change and "what to do with him?..." – thesis is wrong in the sense that if a person wants to – he changed, and we should signal that something is wrong. Otherwise, he will understand that something is wrong? In school, we perfectly understand this and are waiting for assessments to his side – well we did the job correctly or not, this was just a test, physical standards, and creative activities. It was important for us to understand what we did wrong. And for us to experience assessment in the learning process is the basic story.

Same thing in the adult (relatively:)) life, even after graduation – if we continue to learn, we must obtain estimates. Not to cling to them, of course, childish as it was in school, especially if for them we have promised and gingerbread. Then the "carrot" is our adult health, we ourselves stick are. The most "personal stick" – this is the result, the reward for what we say, meditation, yoga practice more accurately. And here's the output, what we say something does not take, relatively, our position yoga, when the leg, for example, is not worth it, but we want to change – is the norm. “To learn means to change,” and not change automatically. Change consciousness, and then with O-consciousness, it is a phrase from the movie "Little Buddha". In my opinion, the addition is necessary because we, somehow, inevitably change, but not all at the same time learn. But to change consciously, at least, to change consciously, but this is another matter. And here the word "accept" – in the sense of "accept the situation", so they say, and be – absolutely no good. If we want to learn if we want to consciously change the word "accept" in this case means understanding what is happening to us, what we want from what we expect in connection with the practice and follow-up audit – get it from us or not yet. And this is the extended version of the word "make", which largely comes from the English texts, where it is used "to accept".

And when we now meditate in the moments of greatest stability, we open your eyes to life situations which at the current moment for you, shall we say, difficult. Feasible, but difficult. And see how from the point of view of meditation and their own well-being they give us at this point feel. In plain existential "acceptance": "Yes here it is necessary, there are too tight, but what can you do... that's something and that's it...It's too tight, but Pat, but do – not agree, but so be it"... Or as the adoption of meditation – when we have such resistance coming from the feeling of the essence of mind, or perhaps relying on the breath when humility and patience are not needed, and we just realize that "yeah, here's the waveform like... I'm like... but it just happens." And we adults understand what is happening. We don't need to find the effort to surpass their opposition is ambivalent humility, frustration. We are in the same condition in a holistic, meditation – the body, breath, and mind.

In conclusion I will give an example from yesterday's classes at a yoga club when the head of the Studio, which with us was meditating, he heard ringing someone's phone. The door between the tea room, where the meditation is happening and the locker room is missing. There is simply hanging blinds. And in this locker someone left a phone that is not turned off, and during the meditation went the ringtone, the music began, and quite loud. All looks like good sat, the body was kept, everything was like normal. And then after the meditation, we usually discussed what and how someone felt, what worked and what didn't. And she says, Yes, the first reaction is that I like the mistress, the leader, I have the instructions to turn off phones! And suddenly it rings. So instead of the usual annoyance: “What how so do not respect me and how well you can”? she says, "And then I sit and I surprised myself! Well-being of ordinary words can describe – well, well, calling. That's all." Well, calling. Here's a "grown-up" version of the making of reality. Sustainable. With full understand. Words had said it that well, seems someone forgot to turn off the phone, was in a psychologically unstable child as, inattentive. But if we are adults then we have the stability to understand that this is someone who has been in a childlike state and do not explode, is not to seek urgently the guilty, not to throw thunders and lightning, not angry. That is a more adequate approach to the situation.

This option during meditation and we will try to find. Maybe we will hear some sounds, or something happens – the window, for example, or maybe phone someone comes up and it will be unpleasant for us the melody, but we will release well and let the outside run, well, and let the phone plays. Also in mind would release some "tseplyalki" for the unpleasant current situation, despite the fact that they themselves are. It's a common thing to be worrying during the day for a particular reason. It should be something like this: "Yes there are. There is such a situation." And from the point of view of sustainability, from the point of view balance to see this. Here it will be a result of our meditative efforts. Maybe even no longer in the first and in the second and third approximation. The first is simply the ability to sit still, to take the necessary stance and keep her 20-30-40 minutes, this is all there is to know. And now offer a more "adult" version – resilience under "support" in the silence-the emptiness and the feeling of the "adult" pleasures. "Adult" emotions – from what I stable that I understand what is happening. I'm not vexed about something, I'm not a sword thunder and lightning (which is also their pleasure gives;)) or don't stick euphoric dreams on some plans, for example, that I'll be in Greece on the island of this and just quietly realize, "well, I'll be there."

Let's try to work this option and now go to practice

Author: Vladimir Starikov

Source: /users/1077