Seven million eight hundred fifty seven thousand two hundred forty
Scene from the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," Director Doug Lyman
At that time passing or are in countries that not so long ago suffered under martial law. When we lived in Sri Lanka, she's just two years I lived in the world. Just two years after a long civil war. Protracted, exhausting.
What price to pay for it people? Lack of roads. When we rode 100 kilometers for 4 hours or more. Lack of confidence. High crime. It was the only country where we have a hacked credit card. And he did it in a supermarket (anywhere else we don't use it). The poverty of the inhabitants.
Last year we visited for the first time in Croatia, and in the part where the Serbian edge. Our eyes appeared a terrible sight. Fired houses, abandoned homes. Many of these traces of fire and not trying to hide. Start thinking about how little human life is valued. The roads in this part of the country was also not the best. The inhabitants are poor. The hotel in which we stayed was at the scene and two years ago there was a desert, preserving the memory of those events. People are not evil. But strenuous. And with longing in his eyes.
This year we got to Serbia. It was very strange to drive four hours to the border with Croatia and completed in half an hour the same border with Bulgaria. At first still all tense and strained. Nervous border guards, people overheated of waiting and fighting with each other.
The country is so poor, the farther from the capital, the more abandoned and destroyed houses. People are emotional – but again felt some kind of longing. Especially in the most abandoned places. The roads were just terrible. But it's very cheap.
And after all this the price of war. While the country is fighting for their rights, it does not develop. And degraded. She had no time to think about the inhabitants, to build them houses, roads, hospitals. Is there some other goal, and her people as pawns. One more-one less. No purpose to make them happier or freer. And it turns out that war does nothing. She shared, sucking power intensifies the contradictions, causes stress.
In war there are no winners – both lose. Just remember how hard our country was given to the restoration after the great Patriotic war. How much were deprived of post-war children, who then also became parents. How much force was applied by our ancestors to re-create all the things that were claimed by the war.
Across the countries we can see everything quite clearly. The sacrifices, the losses, the necessary procedure for recovery. But isn't that the same thing is happening in our families? When we argue with each other, increasing contradictions, and prove, who is right?
Is there any winners in the family wars and conflicts? Who benefits from the fact that my mother had humiliated the Pope? Or the fact that dad hit mom? Win the children who are waiting for parents protection? The winner is the mom who loses hope for a fulfilling relationship in this family? The winner is the husband who manifests the impotence of his aggression and then he hates himself for it?
Who benefits from the fact that I am right? Someone from my innocence will be easier to live? Who will be happier?
Most interesting is that we often struggle for the right at home, with those closest to us. In unimportant details. In a movie or go to the theatre. To go to Turkey or to Greece. How much is the dollar and the Euro will collapse. Whether you live neighbors and friends. To eat for dinner potatoes or pasta.
When you think about the price we pay for self-righteous, hair-raising. She immediately becomes not so necessary.
Not to argue with my husband difficult. He, of course, nothing is wrong. And does not understand anything. But the path to war. She can be partisan, as we constantly poke each other with needles and barbs. Can develop into open conflict when we yell at each other and trying to make our way. We can start to use heavy weapons – the condemnation of friends and relatives, telling them the details. Can involve children and thereby break the heart of partner. Can even to use nuclear weapons and to destroy man by his aggression, to destroy all the good in it. And all that was good for us.
What price would we pay for that?
Own wounds that need to heal for many years. If you and your husband do not argue, and chances to hear him say something offensive less. If you constantly say something across, if only the last word is yours – sooner or later it will tell you what would really hurt. About your figure, beauty, nature, mind, and so forth. You then live with it and deal. To forgive, to let go…
Injured partner. To us, it seems like not particularly concerned. Sometimes out of revenge we are trying to make him hurt more. But if we're going to live together and want of confidence, that these wounds we have to heal. And it's not as easy as it seems.
Destroyed relationships. They need to re-create, brick by brick. Dismantle the rubble after the bombing. To find the strength and resources to rebuild. To be as before or even better. Is it just? Most people try to leave the place where there was so much pain. And find a new home other place. Another person. Without this traumatic experience.
Injuries to children. Do not entertain the illusion that they don't care. They will be happy without the Pope, that they will live differently. To me these girls come in groups and cry. Crying from the fact that I still remember what happened thirty years ago between the parents. From what I can't accept your dad and respect him. From what I repeat her mother's fate and also fighting. They do suffer more than others.
Take the time. How much time have you spent on the fight? When we were at war, each came to us in a week. Two or three days to the showdown. And five more days to restore power. When you just lie flat, I don't want and can't do anything. But he shouted and made.... This week could be a lot to do and to go camping, and to discuss the plans, and to create something together. Or at least to live it well and love to cook food instead of fast heat products.
Leaking into force anywhere. If it were possible to measure the energy of the fights in kilojoules and show then to people! Now you could build a house. But instead of a week rocked right into each other. Or now you could run a marathon. But he chose fit. In quarrels we leave a lot of energy. And the main thing – absolutely pointless. In vain. In an empty, nowhere.
Missed opportunity. You could build a house, raise a lot of kids be a great family and eightieth to spend on the cruise. How many of you could create together, common cause, changing the world, a powerful family, the descendants supporting, trusting and deep relationship But... …
The loss of self-esteem. Even when I'm right in the dispute, after it is very difficult to maintain self-esteem. When you realize that a happy and self-respecting lady such garbage are not engaged. When you realize that you again descend to the level of market-grandmother or barking after the bike dog. Even if you end up right, you lose. Himself. And my self-respect.
Habit. We do not think about how our behavior becomes automatic. Once we learned to walk, and now do it by machine. Just go and all. The same thing with spores. When we used to react and so to show themselves. And now do not notice when the next question, her husband answered: "No!"and begin to argue fiercely. The vast majority of women arguing with her husband. They believe that not doing this ever. Just don't notice. It's a habit. Which forms the character. And character creates our destiny.
It always starts innocently. I just see that he's wrong and tell him about it. Or I just want to Express their opinion even where it's not asked for. Trying to make it so that the last word remained with me. Watch our "account" — someone who. How many times have I put in place or stuck – and how much I still have time to hit the enemy.
Imagine that you are standing in front of his partner with a sword. And he also keeps his sword. You masks. You each other cannot see. Matters only your sword and his. You – rivals in the ring. You can continue the fight. And you can make a different choice.
Please put aside your weapons. Remove the mask. And see your partner a man, a man you once chose and loved. The man with whom you had a lot of good in life. And maybe still will be. If you will give him a hand instead of a sword. It requires courage. Courages. Both love.
For a small step have a future. And it is much lighter. It has more features and power.