Russian in America

I arrived to the other in America. He met me at the airport, well begun ... On the third day we went to dinner in some place, and I had to ...

... The idea that in itself was already unusual, given the three-day zavisalovo. "Dima, - I say - but do not you think that we're the third day of non-stop plump, so all the beer there, whiskey all, but vodka in Russian that is not yet get drunk?" "No problem, - she meets Dima - let vodka ยป.

I must say that they have there mainly or Smirnoff, Absolut, or at least I thought so, and now look - the bar is a bottle of "Ambassadors" factory "Crystal" ... order food, more snacks. Then comes a dialogue between us and the bartender.

- Well, that won a bottle of vodka.

- You can not.

We (in amazement):
- ???

- We do not sell bottles.

We (not knowing how else it could be sold):
- And how do you sell it?

- Shotami (i.e., glasses 50 g).

We (calculate in his mind):
- Then ten shots.

- You can not.

We (scoffs bastard):
- Why?

- This is a big dose of, I need to be sure that you will be able to pay.

We (a large dose of this? Is he an idiot?):
- Yes, we'll pay, pay!

Here Dima, as virtually a local resident, cut one and adds:
- Yes, now we pay! Forward! So it is possible?

The bartender (thinking):
- Yes.

We (and taking out money from otlistyvat):
- Now you need five shots to merge into a single glass, five and five. So you can?

- You can not.

- But why? We paid (money transfer, the bartender counts them) ten shots and now want them to us was served to our liking ...

- Well, you can.

We (or rather, I decided poumnichat):
- And to make it easier, you just take the bottle and pour it in half into two glasses, 500 half - this is five shots ...

- You can not.

We (oh fool ...):
- All forget about it. Pour ten shots, pour what you want to do, bring in two cups. Got it?

- Guys, where are you from?

We (well, your mother !!):
- From Russia, we are Russian, vodka Carry !!!

The bartender goes and comes back a few minutes later, carrying a two-liter (!) Glass to the brim (!!!) filled with vodka. On closer inspection, it turns out that there is not only vodka:

- What's that?

- Vodka.

- It is clear, and that in addition to vodka?

- Ice.

We (the UUU, with ... well !!):
- Spoon Carry!

- What for?

We (chorus):
- ICE lacked !!!

In short, he brought the spoon, we got the ice, more precisely, that part of it that has not had time to melt away in disgust razbulyzhennuyu drank vodka, then bought in a store liter Absolute and calmly drank his Dima home. The next day, we went to the same restaurant for lunch, just a snack. Yesterday the bartender saw us at the door, muted music and happily announced:

- And here come two of the very Russian, who yesterday spoons drank a bottle of vodka! The audience applauded.

Thor Heyerdahl Jr.


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