The discouraging truth: Why does a man ready to be with one woman, and the other categorically no

Eighty five million nine hundred seventy eight thousand two hundred fifty four

Why does a man ready to be with one woman, and the other categorically not ready? This answer is actually very simple and obvious if we take the situation in its simplicity, without mental convolutions, mystical circumstances and historical relationship. And gave this answer many years ago my mother, natrenirovavshit the directness of the statements and the validity of the tone during growing alone with three sons. When one friend was worried that no one wants to take her in marriage, mother said: "Because the wife is a help and not a burden. And you, what's the backup? Only one burden. Here, no one takes. Why would anyone want an extra burden in your life?"

Discouraging and not very pleasant truth, but what to do? This is life, she is.

I ask you consider this — "guarantee you can only give an insurance policy". In other words, the recipe "as a woman forever tied to a man" I don't know and nobody knows. The plan might not work, circumstances may not arise, and happiness can not come.

So why men choose some women and pass by others? Two simple rules — and both are important.

First, apophatic.

My mother's saying, I'll tell you the big secret, very true. After a rather brief period of youth when instead of the brain work and hormonal teenage complexes, normal man suddenly learns that women do not need him. Well, not exactly, not needed, but are not its main purpose in life. What to make a cool art project, to win the marathon or becoming a Deputy General — more interesting than just to attract the attention of beauty. Besides the beauty of it all, ultimately making it more effective than just "courting".

The man at some point realizes that life success are determined by the length of the legs of the companion and fat content of its soups, although perfectly complemented them. The choice between smart book and obscure woman is much easier and more economical to make in favor of the book. Even without sex to live, in General, it is possible, but without money, friends or favourite music — it is impossible.

The constant need in women's support, women's approval, women's acceptance — a sign of weak men. A womanizer in most cases, cowardly and therefore infinitely proves to itself and others that it is in fact hoo. But normal man a woman as such, I repeat, do not really need. (Actually, I remember that the phrase "I need you" I say prone to dependency individuals males. And needs it, as you may have guessed, not you and mother and the facility for approval.)

No, better, of course, when a woman is even much better, especially if it's the right woman. But the main problem in life men are somewhere else. Not because women are worse men, sillier, weaker. Just as the world is.

In the end, the repeated observations confirmed the opposite the fact: as soon as the girl stops to take his head and life, for men, feelings about their lack of attention, and begins, finally, to do it themselves, and to matrimonial questions come purely technologically, as a rule, all of her "problems in his personal life" quickly and clearly resolved. A little beauty and a little common sense pretty correct life attitude.

So the first important rule — don't let the man do his work, and the best — become their useful part. Don't be a burden to him. And it is not necessary to be a coach in the sport or an accountant in his firm — it is much more important and useful, as practice shows, to inspire and to support. As one writer, the right woman accompanies a man to work, as in war, and meets with the work of the war, and the rest of the time not paying any attention to him.

The second rule is, oddly enough, the first largely contradict: be yourself. Joining in other people's business, not rastvoryayas in them. Don't try to play "for him" in some kind of game with the exception of specially stipulated cases. Besides the fact that these games are tedious, they also do not give long-term effect. Or, more precisely, on games, on adaptability, on the bare "as necessary" and "so necessary", the artificially created tension and invented feelings can be quite long to live — but only the one who then deceives himself or himself does not know.

Roughly speaking, from the codependent Savior of the alcoholic will never go away, and a womanizer will never throw the one that "decided not to notice". And anyway, marriage is on the verge of divorce, most durable and stable of indifference in the world there is nothing.

But if you start to adapt, changing yourself, good man will instantly feel tension or manipulation — and quite naturally will start to affected because of the awkward relationship, and the good is all over.

Because a normal person, regardless of gender, is distinguished by a deep relationship from functional. Man needs man, and contractor's social roles ("war bride", "mistress", "intercessor", the "partner in life", "object of concern" and so on) is not so difficult to change. Including the role of the wife. Irremovable, forever only genuine.

However, over the authenticity will have to pay instability: the living tend to develop. But this is not a great price. Because in addition to the chance to not just stick around long you will get the opportunity to live with a loved one, not just "interact more or less successfully." published



See also

New and interesting