"The scarf is tied?", "Don't forget you have an interview today at three" — these phrases are some women that address not sons-students, but it is a adult men, which sometimes even has a grizzly beard and a beer belly. But the ladies still treat them like a klutz. Meet in front of you the classic "mom" whose husbands suffer from excessive care. What are the implications of this for relationships? And most importantly, how to correct the situation?
One of the varieties of "mom" — successful businesswoman, her husband which is becoming successful not a chance Who can become "mommy"?
Syndrome "mommy" is also evident in the excessive care, and the constant desire to solve all the partner, depriving him of choice, and the desire to control it. Some try to chalk it up to jealousy or "bad character", but in fact the causes of "mommy" anymore.
- Such a model of behavior, the woman takes over from her mother. Psychologists assure that in a certain period of life we copy the behavior of their parents. And if we grew up in a house that was entirely under my mom's care, it is unlikely that we will build a family of your own otherwise. It will manifest itself in everything — from the choice of partner before forming the joint way of life.
- "Mommy" the woman turns partner. For example, very often "little boy" in a pair gets 35-40-year-old man with a failed marriage behind. And "mommy" — yesterday's student, where this role is at first very like. "Do men often have a maternal trauma history, which for the life carefully tried to compensate for the seduction and conquest of numerous ladies, — says Olga Gumanova, counselor, writer and author of women's training. — Their position is "Mother in childhood did not like, and now I will prove that women can still like to love me!" Middle age and tired of life in this picture, I think that it is time to find stability and build a life. So he chooses a wife naive, romantically-minded girl who often "below" it, not only by age but also by social status. Typically, the "mom" of young wives Mature men succeed more often than the role assume the ladies in the families of peers or those where the wife is older.
- The role of "mommy for a husband" forcing the woman mother lover. This scenario is most often possible in those pairs where the mother-in-law used to take care of his son (perhaps because I raised him alone). She wants to give his overgrown "jewel" in warm and caring hands. And if the fiancee lets him go in September on the street without a scarf and does not work, the pot of meatballs, it automatically goes into the category of "bad wives", which is fraught with conflict.
What is dangerous, "mommy"?
It would seem, a caring wife or girlfriend who is always fed, watered, and covered with a blanket of joy for every man and lucky charm for any couple. Some psychologists share this view: "to Build relationships with men, completely rejecting the role of "mommy" will not work — says Olga Gumanova. — Not to be a "mommy" — it means not to be a source of pleasure and a safe place. Not to speak gentle words, not to feed, not to comfort... So a portrait of a cold-asexual partner, not a wife."
However, the downsides of this position enough. For example, in these pairs invariably suffers the sexual sphere. "Sexual disposition of the boy formed in the period of up to seven years, in the same age there is a setting that intimate life with mother is a taboo, explains psychologist Anna Iotko. Therefore, the relations with the "mother" this ban will be effective on a subconscious level. Then it all depends on the level of testosterone specific partner: a man with a low level of this hormone is to somehow adapt. And one that he is, will start to look for someone on the side."The role of "mommy" can destroy intimate life of the couple
, Another difficulty, which may manifest later, when the couple will have children. "If before the child is born in a couple relationship "mother—son", "total mom", the husband may begin to get jealous of the "youngest child" — warns Olga Gumanova.
But perhaps the main risk of such pairs — the gradual "maturing" of her husband. "Marriages with the "moms" fall in 90% of cases, says Anna Iotko. And divorce is a matter of time. After all, from an ordinary mother's children grow up, leave".
However, not all so sad. Some of these alliances can be very strong, for example, if the man had indeed received less maternal love in childhood, and women really like to take care of it. "In this companion also in need of men with very low testosterone levels, says Anna Iotko. Marriage with such a man, if you are "one hundred percent mommy" will be successful".How to stop being "mommy" for her husband
If the role of "mom's husband" you don't like to part with it, focusing on external circumstances. Perhaps the easiest way to sever ties with the role of "mommy" in that case, if it is imposed on you mother-in-law. She blames you for what you are not watch over her son? "A couple of times when mother-in-law ask her husband to tie the same scarf, and the more absurd the situation is, the better, says Anna Iotko. — And then argues, "Yes, I hundred times asked to dress warmer, but he's so stubborn". You can even add a voice of despair. Let this scene be similar to a theater stage, not scary. Then the mother of the opponent will go into your allies.
The role of "mommy", which you have chosen or received a "gift" from his men, the situation is more complicated. First is to listen to yourself and monitor: in what moments you awakens the desire to dominate his mate? What emotions does it gives you? It is likely that the mask of "mommy" for you — way to assert themselves, and concern only a clear way of expressing love. Try to reconsider that position:
- Let him do something on their own, even making mistakes. Be patient: at first you and him won't be easy, but soon the situation will change.
- Do not engage in confrontation. Even if the partner's opinion is contrary to yours — do not rush to argue with him. Olga Gumanova cites a good example:"for example, on Friday, the husband agreed to go out with friends to club with Billiards, and the wife especially on the same evening to buy a ticket to the theatre and hysterics: "You're coming with me, you don't need these slobs!" No need to put it before a choice of "me or your friends", "me or your stupid football game": if the person is married, it does not mean that the wife must now replace him. In the harmonious life of a place and friends and Hobbies".
- Admire the partner. Do not praise, namely marvel: "I'm so lucky to have you!", "I love it when you cook!" But the phrase in the spirit of "you have me so good" will likely have the opposite effect, reminding the partner of the praise of parents.
- Counsel with him. Parents with children, as a rule, confer, and make decisions for them. Two adults don't do that and definitely interested in each other's opinions on important issues. published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
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