Very often we, parents, become thieves. We steal from our children their childhood, without a twinge of conscience. As it should be. First, we ask them to "act normal" — that is Mature, even if only two or three years. It seems to us that in six months they've manipulated us, and we are trying to reason with them. We are particularly interested to understand how children are arranged, what they feel and think. We have some standards of conduct to which we strongly pull.
When I read the Vedic treatises, the most amazement, I have been a mother. The way they treat their children. For example, Yasoda was not just a son but a small hurricane. He was stealing butter in all the surrounding houses, fed them monkeys, broken pots, all the time got in some stories, its birth tried to kill him. And what the mother had done with him? Thrashed or rods, whether called to order, complained or father? No. She looked at him as a beautiful child who will soon grow up, and then it will be a very different adult. And she enjoyed his childish games, and sometimes playing them a strict mother who punished her child is still incapable.
In our reality everything is different. We wait, when the children grow up. When they sit down, creep, go, speak. And then another sigh, like, before-it was better! Now runs fast and climbs everywhere and talks a lot. But now we must behave! Sit quietly, speak to the team what you have to say, food not to lose, to help. That is acting like a sane and well mannered person. Or rather an adult, because the little men such laws do not obey – and even physically incapable of it.
Childhood is the only time we can be completely free to Express themselves. When we can be direct, clean, open and can Express themselves as they feel. The child originally has no understanding that the way to Express themselves indecent, the missed and wrong. But he definitely understands. Good people will be first to teach the child good manners, and only then – everything else. After all, the manners of a child is face his parents.
So we steal from children the Golden time. When they accumulate the most important for their growth – vitamins of love and development. When they have the opportunity to know, to learn more about themselves and the world around them. So it's time once stole and ourselves, and now we're not up to the end ripened bananas. It seems to be bananas, but some tasteless, and nothing can be changed.
Recently conducted one study in which it was found that the average psychological age of the people is greatly decreased. If a few years ago, we lived among the "twenty years", but now people are stuck in the age of ten. That is, even growing up bodily, inside a remain immature teenagers. Teenagers who still really don't understand myself, but crave some independence and isolation. They think that the world is their individuality attempts, and they are willing with the world to fight and fight. They can't be held responsible, rather, in panic are afraid of it. They want to be faster, stronger, more beautiful, while suffering from the unstable oscillating self-esteem. You do not look like?
Many of us are proud of the fact that matured early. I'm a year and a half, walking one, in six years remained at home alone, could warm their own food and even to cook something. In I went to school herself and back and back, doing homework. And I was proud of it. I'm an adult! But I had to be a child – really? Or I was in such a hurry to be what everyone wanted to see me in kindergarten that I forgot the most important thing and lost his own childhood? Maybe that is why it is so hard sometimes happens with kids, because I did not finish it, not lived, did not sink, but simply passed on an Express train without stops?
Yes, a lot of my childhood was. What modern children anymore. They are now even alone with themselves are not. They have yards taken away and destroyed. And in this place I get scared – what will happen to these children who have childhood at all? Who from the cradle are dressed in jeans and a butterfly? Which with the same diapers teach English and French? Who do not know how to play "cops and robbers", but has already mastered the violin?
And is there a limit where parents can stop and realise that you just robbed your own child? What was stolen from him something very important and irreplaceable? That forever doomed him to be a child in an adult's body, which can not calm down and find yourself? What childhood is for, and you need to be a child – with all the ensuing consequences, like picking in the puddles, games of "useless" classes, the "inconvenient" behavior?
In the famous treatise "Tirukural" Thiru-Valluvar says:Porridge, where your toddler smeared little hands, sweeter than the heavenly nectar.
We don't remember it. Feel. Almost never. Sometimes if my children will break or spill something, I find myself saying mother's phrases. About the hands not of the place about the "who did it". Trying to stop yourself as soon as you can. And close your mouth. After all, a liter bottle of milk for three year olds is really hard. A five-year plan may not always understand what the circle is unstable.
In many respects the behavior of adults may depend not from themselves, but from unresolved family problems, entrenched scenarios, complex tribal weaves . Some of them are difficult to resolve independently. But there is one thing that we, parents, just. We need to recover and stop to pick up a child from our children:
1. To stop them to shame, calling for discipline for any reason, even insignificant. To stop to unload their emotions and difficulties. For a child this burden is unbearable. This is our burden.
2. Stop manipulating your health – the kids are more afraid of us life to lose!
3. Cease to demand from children impossible for their age: for example, to sit quietly at three years or to fold origami, so when I want to jump. Not to cry, even when one can't Express their feelings, and be careful when small hands, not really listening to you.
4. Stop torturing their kids, yank them, to build, to chastise, especially on humans.
5. To cease to change places with them, demanding sympathy, understanding, pity.
We so much want to be understood and accepted. But how much do we understand babies? Do we know and want to know about the features of education, about what is happening in their minds and souls?
Answer yourself, what age the child develops perseverance and interest in reading? When he can separate cause and effect? When he can be permanently separated from parents - and how to do it for him painlessly? When it becomes necessary to communicate with other children, in what quantity and in what form? What he needs in a particular age?
Great if every question you had answers. And if the answer is no? Or worse: inside a deaf rising irritation with an aggressive message of "it's all nonsense and it doesn't matter"?
"We were raised, none of this not knowing, and nothing we've grown?!" First, the principle of "I did that and I turned out okay" – is working. Too different generations. Too much has changed in the world. Other come here too our children. And, secondly, you do not sit behind the wheel of a car, not having learned the traffic rules? So why do you think that the psyche and on the soul of your child is normal not to know anything?
By the way, let's be honest at least to myself, that we are the result of such education grew up not really normal. Zaderganie beleaguered, open-minded. Do not understand their own emotions and not able to control them. Not coping with their emotional crises and constantly running from pain . Leaving from responsibility for his own life, without life, no proper guidance, no strong inner core. Is that we wanted to give our children? Is it must carefully pass from generation to generation, from hand to hand, from heart to heart?
Let's look at the truth. We are still children. Children who look "as big". Children in adult bodies. Children who have not resigned to the fact that they have not had a real carefree start in life. Children who still do not want to grow up completely. Permanently. Forever. published
Author: Olga Valyaeva, Chapter from the book "destiny to be a mother"
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
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