674
Why do we lose ourselves in a relationship with a man
Good girls become good men their mummies. Or why we lose ourselves in a relationship with a man.
That's what really difficult to make a woman, so it is to stop feeling sorry for her man, and nurse him to be a good mom. Of course, that the woman does not specifically - "Here you have to be a good mom to my sweet." No, it happens anyway.
Since childhood, we have to train in order that the love and attention you can get only by being a good and obedient girl. Certainly easy to mold from the clay soft and pliable man in the likeness of the image out of my head. Especially when he is still so small and so dependent on the parents - those who sculpts
. The child primary attention and love than clothes and food. When parents say "I will not love the bad / naughty girl," that the child perceives it literally. He quickly looking for something for Mom and Dad to eat badly, and that by their standards good. And adjusted in order to get the attention and support of its usefulness to parents.
The child does what the label "good" for parents and waiting with puppy dog eyes of his portion of love. In his mind, has clearly stated:
"To be loved, I have to do something or have some, but not themselves.»
"I do not really need anyone, you need to stick it out and hide.»
Relationships with parents - this is the first dependent relationship in our lives. They shape the way we will continue to behave with our loved ones.
It is like a stone thrown into a calm lake. First, spray, and then ripples that diverge very far. And the farther the ripples moved from the place where the stone was thrown, the more difficult to understand from some of the stone circle went.
In adulthood, the woman herself does not understand why she first does everything for a loved one, and then for himself. Why think first and take care of him, for his comfort, and then only about his and unless the will power. After all, when it is outside the relationship, then it turns out so good care of yourself and love yourself.
What kind of a strange paradox?
The fact that the relationship with a man - this is the circle of water that reached the shores of the abandoned parents in childhood stone
. The desire to be a good and comfortable girl left. Even more, it is sewn into the psyche of a clear program of behavior. And once a woman gets a dose of love and attention, as though someone presses the button activation of this program. And it seemed to substitute. Can be seen on their own or girlfriends is - a smart woman in an adequate relationship turns into a limp rag. A light flickers in her eyes, clothing is modest and the smile disappears somewhere. It is less common with friends, less time distinguishes itself, concerned man and his deeds more than their comfort.
From these stories at all there is a healthy question of "how to be in a relationship and not lose themselves».
The root of all the troubles one - we women are also stoimi puppy dog eyes in anticipation of a portion of love and acknowledgment of our usefulness. We are ready to turn yourself inside out just to know that we still need, and we still love.
We subconsciously looking for how to be a good / good men to do to get the love for our efforts. And we find! Pitying him, pat on the head, over-tighten the responsibility. In other words, become a mom for it.
We subconsciously seek it nedolyublennosti inner boy and begin to nurse him. The answer of course waiting for the confirmation of its relevance and the batch of love.
At the beginning of a relationship all the magical and charming. Then a woman sweeping the man with love and care. He becomes apathetic and is interested in her, but only consumes comfort and homemade food. After a time the woman explodes with emotions, can not understand why every time the same thing.
How to get out of this unbreakable circle?
Analyze their behavior and find the motivation to "be a good girl." Then find a nice girl and start a dialogue with it. Tell her:
"I love you without conditions.»
"You need not do anything for the sake of my love.»
"You have, and that's enough to love you.»
Free yourself from your own prison. Once agreeing to be good, we have betrayed this himself imprisoned in his basement. And not beloved keeps us in captivity of these relationships, and ourselves. Woman have a prisoner to itself. It is under the authority of the good girl, which was once created for moms and dads to receive love. But it was a good girl love got very little. Love it and take it. She must be so friendship and love.
That's what really difficult to make a woman, so it is to stop feeling sorry for her man, and nurse him to be a good mom. Of course, that the woman does not specifically - "Here you have to be a good mom to my sweet." No, it happens anyway.
Since childhood, we have to train in order that the love and attention you can get only by being a good and obedient girl. Certainly easy to mold from the clay soft and pliable man in the likeness of the image out of my head. Especially when he is still so small and so dependent on the parents - those who sculpts
. The child primary attention and love than clothes and food. When parents say "I will not love the bad / naughty girl," that the child perceives it literally. He quickly looking for something for Mom and Dad to eat badly, and that by their standards good. And adjusted in order to get the attention and support of its usefulness to parents.
The child does what the label "good" for parents and waiting with puppy dog eyes of his portion of love. In his mind, has clearly stated:
"To be loved, I have to do something or have some, but not themselves.»
"I do not really need anyone, you need to stick it out and hide.»
Relationships with parents - this is the first dependent relationship in our lives. They shape the way we will continue to behave with our loved ones.
It is like a stone thrown into a calm lake. First, spray, and then ripples that diverge very far. And the farther the ripples moved from the place where the stone was thrown, the more difficult to understand from some of the stone circle went.
In adulthood, the woman herself does not understand why she first does everything for a loved one, and then for himself. Why think first and take care of him, for his comfort, and then only about his and unless the will power. After all, when it is outside the relationship, then it turns out so good care of yourself and love yourself.
What kind of a strange paradox?
The fact that the relationship with a man - this is the circle of water that reached the shores of the abandoned parents in childhood stone
. The desire to be a good and comfortable girl left. Even more, it is sewn into the psyche of a clear program of behavior. And once a woman gets a dose of love and attention, as though someone presses the button activation of this program. And it seemed to substitute. Can be seen on their own or girlfriends is - a smart woman in an adequate relationship turns into a limp rag. A light flickers in her eyes, clothing is modest and the smile disappears somewhere. It is less common with friends, less time distinguishes itself, concerned man and his deeds more than their comfort.
From these stories at all there is a healthy question of "how to be in a relationship and not lose themselves».
The root of all the troubles one - we women are also stoimi puppy dog eyes in anticipation of a portion of love and acknowledgment of our usefulness. We are ready to turn yourself inside out just to know that we still need, and we still love.
We subconsciously looking for how to be a good / good men to do to get the love for our efforts. And we find! Pitying him, pat on the head, over-tighten the responsibility. In other words, become a mom for it.
We subconsciously seek it nedolyublennosti inner boy and begin to nurse him. The answer of course waiting for the confirmation of its relevance and the batch of love.
At the beginning of a relationship all the magical and charming. Then a woman sweeping the man with love and care. He becomes apathetic and is interested in her, but only consumes comfort and homemade food. After a time the woman explodes with emotions, can not understand why every time the same thing.
How to get out of this unbreakable circle?
Analyze their behavior and find the motivation to "be a good girl." Then find a nice girl and start a dialogue with it. Tell her:
"I love you without conditions.»
"You need not do anything for the sake of my love.»
"You have, and that's enough to love you.»
Free yourself from your own prison. Once agreeing to be good, we have betrayed this himself imprisoned in his basement. And not beloved keeps us in captivity of these relationships, and ourselves. Woman have a prisoner to itself. It is under the authority of the good girl, which was once created for moms and dads to receive love. But it was a good girl love got very little. Love it and take it. She must be so friendship and love.
