Should children is something parents? Bashny.Net

This is true for many, ask me about it all the time. Why are there - I myself long sought within itself the answer to this question. Or even questions:

Why parents often expect children return to some kind of debt?
Should the children something to their parents?
And if so, what? How much and in what way should be given?
And if not, what to do? Ignore these requests?
I want to say first of all how we ourselves not become such (after all, the parents and their position has not changed, and no reason). Let's try to figure it out.

Why is this happening, why parents are waiting for the return of the children of some of the debt? Based on what? Why do so many experiences because of this parents and guilt in children? Where crept error and injustice? Who owes whom? And should it?

When someone that someone has to, it means that the relationship unbalanced. That is only one of them something to give, and only one took something.
Over time, the accumulated debt, and the first man inside there is a feeling that he had been deceived and used - all taken away and did not give anything. I will not consider the situation when the first second gave selflessly for many years. In this world of selflessness is not seen. Even in the relationship of parents and children.




Parents in their care of children kept in mind at least a glass of water, which the child still has to bring. Wait and care in weakness, and financial assistance, and that they will continue to listen, and that the children will live as parents want, and reason for pride and bragging, and attention. And a lot of what was expected. Even if not explicitly talk about it. But on the basis of what?

Parents do a lot of investing in children - time, nerves, money, health, strength. For years. They often have to postpone their desires into the background - for the sake of the child. Do what you do not want - again, for the sake of it. From something to give, to sacrifice something - at least in his own bed for a few years. Who said that simple and easy to be parents?

That takes years, and suddenly - suddenly or not - the child hears broad hints or direct instructions what and how it should be the parents. But as far as reasonably and legally? Is it something needs? And whence is this feeling of injustice is taken?

Parents worry because their parenthood seemed to them a huge unresponsive victim himself. One-way process, not giving any bonuses and joys. Twenty years I suffered and are now waiting for what should somehow reward all this mess. They gave a lot and did not get anything. Nothing at all. There must be justice! But is it?

No. This world is always and everywhere valid. Children are actually a lot of parents give. More precisely, even, God gives us through the children so much! Do not even put into words. Their hugs, declarations of love, funny words, first steps, dances and songs ... Even just kind of a little sleeping angel - so cute God created them! The first five years of life of the child is based on so much happiness that it attracts adults like a magnet. Then, too, a lot of different bonuses, albeit in a slightly lower concentration. That is through the children of God is given to parents as much, and such that money can not buy and you will not find on the road. And honestly, all offset by - parents work, the Lord their rewards. Immediately, at the same point. You did not sleep the night - and you smile in the morning, Gulen and new skills

. But in order to receive all the bonuses - you have to be with the children in the vicinity. And to have the strength and desire to enjoy it - which is also important. Seeing all these gifts to be grateful for them.
It was in their childhood years, yet they are small, and of them all is happiness radiates just like that, every minute. The way they smell, laugh, swear, offended love, make friends, learn about the world - all this can not but gladden the heart of a loving parent. Happiness is in our heart - this is the reward for their labors

. Then why do parents feel that they have someone that's got to? Because they were not close to the children, and all of these bonuses and joy was someone else - my grandmother, nanny or teacher in a kindergarten (although the latter certainly did not enjoy it too). Parents did not have time to breathe children's tops and cuddle them during the night. We must also work to be realized. We need to run somewhere, children do not run away, think of the baby! With him not to talk, not to discuss the day, he does not seem to understand anything, he does not care who it shakes and feeds. Relationship with babies often do not fit into our understanding of the relationship - which there have only wash-feed-bed. Once we admire the sleeping children, the fatigue is so strong that you can only fall somewhere in another room. No time to study with him flowers and grasshoppers. There are no forces to ensure that together paint, sculpt, sing. All forces remain in office.

But even if the mother does not work, most likely, it is also not strange to these "bonuses" and trivia. The same kind of nonsense, a waste of precious time (and to itself), and it is necessary to clean the house, cook a meal, in the child's circle drive, go to the store. She can lie beside him and chat to his incomprehensible language, that's stupid. There is no power and does not have time to just look into his eyes and breathe out all the stress. And if we go on business, it is necessary to go fast, but do not stop near each pebble. Although physically close to mom, all of these bonuses is rapidly flying past her. And often have broken mother to the children of claims even more - she's sacrificed for them, even his self-realization, not working, so that the potential expense will be higher

. So sometimes I want to stop any running somewhere mom with a straight face! Stop it, Mom, the greatest miracle the next! And it can not wait!

It grows every minute and gives you so much wonder and happiness, and you miss all this by, not paying attention! As if clinging sand castle is very important, you do not see in the gold sand grains.
As often I stop myself when I suddenly there are more important things to do than read a book, play with Lego, or just lie down beside the sleeping miracle. And where am I going? And for what? Maybe it's better to let happiness enter my heart right now and melt it?

In total this is all we get a situation where people have worked for many years, and have worked hard enough (unless it can be simple?), And their honestly earned wages were given elsewhere, some other people. Because they were there, where you need to. For example, while mom and dad struggled work to pay the mortgage for his huge house and pay for the nanny services, this babysitter feels happy, she enjoys life in this house with these children (I have such happy and filled with nannies, stoned by children and communicate with them, I saw a lot when we lived in a village near St. Petersburg). And there may be such that all the joy did not get one - no, they were not needed, and many years later, and the child has to believe that there is nothing interesting and there is no good in

. At the same time worked hard and long a person twenty years later still want to pay - at once in all these years! And it requires - for those for whom and tormented. And who else? But do not give. That remains a dissatisfaction, a sense of deception and betrayal ...

But whose problem is, if we do not come for his "salary" of parents every single day? Who is to blame, that we forget that everything goes in the world, and children will be young only once? Who is responsible for that career and accomplishments for us is more important than children's tops and talk with them? Who pays for our decision when we are ready to send their children to kindergartens, nurseries, nannies, grandparents for some achievements, losing touch with them and losing everything that gives us so generously by Lord kids?

It is useless to wait for debt repayment by adult children. They can not give what you want, because they are already so many have given you, even though you do not have it all.

Children returned to the duty not to parents, they give the same to their children, and in the wisdom of life. And drink from the juice of adult children - meaning thereby deprive their own grandchildren, sadly
. "Sorry, Mom, I can not do anything to help you right now. What I have to tell you, I will give to your children. I am ready to give you thanks, respect and care necessary when it is required. That's all. More can not help. Even if you really want to.. »

This is the only thing that an adult child respond to his parents, demanding the return of the debt. Of course, he might try to throw it all forces, all his life, abandoning their future by investing not in their children, and parents. Just meet none of the sides of it will not.

We do not have anything directly to their parents. We have it all to your children. Here it is - our duty. Becoming parents and pass it all on. Give all kinds of power forward, leaving nothing behind. Similarly, our children do not owe anything to us. They do not even have to live the way we want, and to be happy as we see it.

Our only fee for all - respect and gratitude. For all that has been done, as has been done, how much for us. Respect, as if the parents behave, what feelings would have no cause to us. Respect to those through whom our souls came into this world, who took care of us in the days of greatest vulnerability and helplessness, who loved us as best he could and as best he could - with all his spiritual forces (forces simply do not have a lot of).

Of course, we have the responsibility for the last years of life of our parents when they take care of themselves can no longer. It's not even the duty, it's just a human being. Make everything possible to help parents recover, help them in everyday life and the days of weakness. If we can not sit with your ailing parent next to him to hire a good babysitter, find a good hospital, which will be the proper care, as far as possible - provedyvat, pay attention. And it would be good to help them "right to leave this body." That is, help them prepare for this transition by reading books. Talking about it with spiritual people. But it is not a debt. It goes without saying that if we saved a something human.

More than anything, we do not have children. And we do not have their parents. Only respect and gratitude - directly. And the transfer of the most valuable on. Give your children as much as we ourselves have received. And it is better - to give even more, especially love, acceptance and tenderness.

Therefore, to old age not to stand with an outstretched hand in front of their house, demanding payment, learn to enjoy today so that you so generously given above.

Hug them, indulge them, laugh together, snort their crown, talk about anything, not in a hurry, stay in bed, sing, dance, together open the world - whether a little different possibilities in order to get along with children feel happy!

And then the problems do not seem so difficult. And working mothers - a thankless and bearing down. Just think sleepless night, cuddle little angel vkusnopahnuschee body, he lay down on his plump hand you - and live just easier. Though a bit. Or not even a little.

Author: Olga Valyaeva