American psychologist Laura Schlesinger has his program on the radio. Call her to ask for advice, ask a question about love or just to cry in the phone. After analyzing the complaints of those women who were forced to seek the advice of the radio, Laura decided to write down his impressions and thoughts in the book. So there were "Ten stupid mistakes made by women to ruin your life."Don't look at yourself through the prism of menthe first Mistake. Stupid attachment.
Sad, but still the success of any woman assess on such factors as "does it have a who." The other sex, of course. And poor see themselves and their role in life only through the prism of relations with a man. And what is a man, often doesn't matter.
How is it wrong! And how wrong are those who live with an alcoholic, a tyrant, a jealous man, a walking reproach, a drug addict who betray, lie, act arrogantly or indifferently. How often do women in fear that you will not be able to find someone else, marry the first counter, proving to the public their usefulness.
Council. No, it is not the usefulness. Those who are supposedly "lucky" with her husband or in love, have a hand in this. Because increase self-esteem and not humiliate himself unworthy of relationships and marriages. We should learn from men to be bold, persistent and confident.
We are not Cinderella'ssecond Error. Stupid courtship.
Millions of Cinderellas around the world sad look in the dirty Windows of their rooms, and Prince is still not here... But some pretty grimy gardener uprooting the stumps in a nearby garden!
- If you need validation of your behavior.
- If you are inclined to say "thank you" to everyone who will pay attention to you.
- If you are satisfied with what you offer, not choose what suits you personally.
- If Dating a man, you are ready to shout to myself: "Hooray, I'm not alone anymore!" – you are likely to make the wrong choice.
To associate themselves with man only in order to get rid of loneliness, an escape from reality. The question is not whether that woman is too much waiting for his chosen, and that she herself is not waiting for anything.
Do not think that men are so emotionally stupid that can't notice the difference between the situation when you need they are when you just desperately trying to enter into relationship with someone. And don't be surprised that after this they begin to think that they were used, was turned into a dressing for wounds, a shoulder to cry or a lightning rod for tantrums. Men come into our lives to share it with us, not to replace it yourself.
Council. Themselves choose with whom to meet and not to wait until they choose you. Don't settle for what is already around you in life. Worry is inevitable in this case, the period of loneliness by occupying your mind and heart – think of your Hobbies, meet friends, – wait until is worthy of you.Don't kiss a toadError third. Stupid loyalty.
If a woman repeats at every corner "I love him!", it is usually lying around. And myself too, of course. These women are not willing to admit that in a situation of obvious defeat. Often they gratefully (!) tolerate this type of behavior or attitude, which no man couldn't take just five minutes.
Strange, but for many women, love is something beyond the bounds of reasonable (that is the model of conduct imposed on us a tale where beauty fall for the beast and pinching his nose, seek out the fleas in his fur running).
And you paid attention to the disgusting double standards of society? Women agree not to notice balding heads, bellies, a round of beer, plaid shirt with a dotted tie... But any man, sharing his impression of the new friend, tell the friend: "She is nothing but legs are thick". Why we put up with it and not make a choice yourself, do not apply to men is critical, call all in a row love? Because it never gained confidence.
Claiming on every corner "I love him", you think to yourself:
- Never find anyone else who would put up with me.
- Don't want to be alone.
- It's better than nothing.
- It's better than it was.
- I have 19 (29, 39, 49, 59).
- I doubt that I would find better.
- Sometimes it's not so bad.
- In any case, nothing is left to me.
- I feel I need him.
- I was afraid of the encounter with the unknown.
- It's not as bad as it seems to others.
- It's hard to find someone who will easily and happily.
Council. Remember that if you kiss a toad, it does not necessarily turn into a Prince. The mouth will remain a disgusting taste in my head – nasty memories. Do not mix feelings associated with good relationships, their fantasies, the book promises sex with love. Feelings distort reality; use the mind, assessing his men. But true love never will be as long as you learn to love yourself. Go for it! You deserve the best.It is impossible to sayfourth Error. Stupid passion.
It is obvious that men and women relate differently to sex. Women perceive it to be too romantic, I believe that "simple movement" is applied to men some kind of commitment, I believe that sacrifice and often require the response of the victims.
In all that concerns this side of the relationship, it is better to wait than to rush. Give "an Apple to ripen", it's time to assess the impact of your step. Intimacy and sex are too different things. Intimacy is when you can talk with your friend about everything. So never make anything we will not be able to talk to him.
Council. No matter how old you are, sex can not be a measure of your values and values your relationship with a man. Hasty sex leads to the fact that you are even more will blame themselves, will come to more desperation and sense of appalling loneliness.The cat still sits in the bagthe fifth Mistake. Stupid cohabitation.
A hundred times any of us have heard the opinion that "before the wedding, it would be nice to live together, to get to know each other" and not to the result of the official marriage of the cat in the bag. However, the cat was still there. According to statistics, the divorce rate among those who lived together before marriage, compared to those who went down the aisle, much higher!
The thing is, why a woman agrees to cohabit outside of marriage. It is a kind of capitulation: the man is afraid of "official" responsibility, and she decided to go meet him. Woman settles with him in order to find out what he really is, and to find stability in the relationship, keep him.
When he thinks: "we Need to see if I feel good consistently, day in and day out," she says, "we Must be very careful, something he was good from day to day." It is clear that this setup won't work after she and another thought – utopia.
Council. To make a man respect yourself, never lower the bar of their demands. If he can't get up to a desired level, better break up with him.What you get yourself into?The sixth mistake. Stupid expectations.
Think about it, well if you are amenable to rehabilitation on your ...dtsat any year. That is the way he is. If you are going to get married, do not expect that it will be different for your precious influence. Instead of thinking "I can fix that" you should own "what I getting myself into?".
Very often it happens that the qualities that so attracted you to the groom, to feel lousy later. The secret of this lies in the fact that we are unconsciously looking for in the chosen traits of his father, want a new way to relive traumatic events from the past or to defend against wrongs done to us sometime. But the choice is still others! And then you start to hate him. Although in reality I hate myself.
Council. If you were married to protect themselves from childish, get it over with as soon as possible. Replay of past impossible. If you are married and I hate my husband, in search of the source of hatred first of all, look inside yourself. And you will not find the causes of their suffering and will to marry, to hate and to believe that all men are flawed.Use the body correctlyError the seventh. Stupid idea.
Not love. Not "the moment." Not "everyone is waiting for it from me." Not proof "and I can do that." Not "I will force him to marry me". Not "why would I do that"... And nothing else can be the reason to have a baby. But only this: you have the interest, ability and means to give the child everything you need: love, protection, wealth.
None of your needs are not important. The only important needs of the child. After all, to pay for all your problems and mistakes have it. The main here is always the woman. Of course, the responsibility is on the man, but your body belongs only to you!
Council. Should consider how, when and from whom you get pregnant.Don't let hurt the children.the eighth Mistake. Related stupidity.
It's terrible when women act contrary to maternal instinct. Even in wild nature there is no creature fiercer than a female protecting cubs. But people... Sometimes women allow to beat their children, give them the education of others (just for the sake of the husband is not escaped). One couple even sold his "untimely" of the child, to start a business.
Council. Remember that children will not forgive you if you did not protect them. Don't let anyone to harm their children and do not sacrifice kids for the happiness of men or imaginary affection.Don't be afraid to stomp my feeta Mistake ninth. Stupid helplessness.
Little girls often get mad when things don't go as they want. But where is this anger when they grow up? Women get offended, cry, suffer, get depressed because you are afraid to show anger, fear to offend and displease others.
Depression – not that other, as a passive experience, while active, a momentary flash of anger could solve the problem and set boundaries for which your abuser to move is not allowed.
Enough to drive anger deep inside, (proven by the way that it causes disease).
Council. In life there are painful moments, and overcoming this pain is a price you have to pay to develop character. You, like any person, has the privilege, right and opportunity to be a person. This does not mean that you have to hit the other, knocking hooves; this means that you need to include in the equation, but not the remainder of the integer, not as a byproduct of calculus! Do not stay with those who abuse you.The bog is not betterthe tenth Error. Stupid forgiveness.
Women are the most patient cats in the world. They can invent a million excuses, but would not break relations with a man unworthy of them. How often we think we know the swamp better than a swamp, which does not know anything. Repeat to yourself: "If I leave, I'm miserable." Yeah, maybe so. But at least you will have the opportunity to build their own happiness, which you are deprived from "his swamp".
Council. Don't live by the principle "How can I change it without touching it?". Look at yourself – there must be courage, independence and initiative. Be realistic! You always have a choice!The mystery of feminine charm
Knows that women laugh much more than men. Especially in mixed companies. It seems that men prefer to laugh than to laugh ourselves, and this asymmetry is observed since childhood. Remember who your class clown number one is probably a boy. And is there a difference between male and female laughter is a significant factor to create a harmonious Union?
German psychologists observed the reaction of women when talking with strange men and then interviewed both. It turns out that the more a woman laughs, the more interest she feels to the other party. And men hohotushki nicer. An indicator of a healthy, harmonious relationship in a pair – female and not male laughter. Men may laugh or not to laugh, but if the family doesn't sound of women's laughter — it is bad. published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©