American psychologist Laura Schlessinger is a radio program. She often call to ask a question about love or to ask for advice. After analyzing the complaints of women, Laura decided to record their experiences and tips in the book "Ten stupid mistakes that woman to ruin your life».
This amazing article is based on this book, and talk about how women are doing everything to ruin the life of themselves.
Do not look at myself through the prism of the men
the first error. Silly affection.
Sadly, so far the success of any woman is evaluated by such a factor as "if she has one." Other sex, of course. And the poor thing to see themselves and their role in life only through the prism of relations with a man. And what is a man, often irrelevant.
How did it wrong! And how wrong are those who live with an alcoholic tyrant, jealous, a walking reproach, a drug addict who betray, lie, behave arrogantly or with indifference. How often women are in fear, then what can not find anyone else, to marry the first comer, proving its usefulness to society.
Council. No, this is not the full value. Those who are supposedly "unlucky" with her husband, or in love, themselves attached to this arm. Because increases self-esteem and do not humiliate themselves unworthy relationships and marriages. We should learn from men to be bold, assertive and self-confident.
We are not Cinderella
the second error. Stupid courtship.
Millions of Cinderellas all over the world a sad look in the dirty windows of his iron maidens, and the prince still no ... But what a pretty grimy gardener writhes stumps in a nearby garden!
If you are missing validation of your behavior.
If you tend to say "thank you" to anyone who will pay attention to you.
If you settle for what you offer, and do not choose what suits you personally.
If a meeting with a man, you are ready to scream to myself: "Hurrah, I am no longer alone!» -
you are likely to make the wrong choice.
Assign yourself with a man only in order to get rid of loneliness - an escape from reality. The question is not that the woman too is waiting for the elect, and that by itself it does not wait for anything.
Do not think that men are emotionally stupid that they can not tell the difference between a situation where you need it and when they do you just desperately trying to start a relationship with someone. And do not be surprised that after that, they start to think that they were used, turned into a dressing for wounds, a waistcoat or a lightning rod for tears to tantrums. Men come into our lives to share it with us, and not replace it by yourself.
Council. To choose with whom to meet, and do not wait until you choose. Do not settle for what you have lying around itself on the path of life. Experience the inevitable in this case, the period of loneliness, taking your mind and heart - think of a hobby, meet friends, - do not wait until you have a decent
Do not kiss the frog
third error. Silly devotion.
If she repeats on every corner, "I love him!" She used to lie around. And yourself, of course. These women are not willing to admit that you were in a situation of apparent defeat. Often they are appreciated (!) tolerate such behavior or attitude to oneself, which no man could not bear for five minutes.
Strange, but for many women love - something beyond the boundaries of reasonable (which is a pattern of behavior imposed on us a fairy tale, where the beauty and fall in love with a monster, holding his nose, try to discover the fleas in his fur running)
Have you paid attention to the heinous double standards of society? Women agree to ignore the balding head, abdomen, round of beer, checkered shirt and a tie with polka dots ... But any man, sharing his impressions from a new friend, a friend says: "She is nothing but thick legs." Why do we put up with this and do not make the choice themselves, do not belong to men critically, call everything love? Because it did not have the confidence in yourself.
Arguing on every corner, "I love him," you think to yourself:
I never find anyone else who would tolerate me.
I do not want to be alone.
It's better than nothing.
It's better than it was.
I have 19 (29, 39, 49, 59).
I doubt that I will find better.
Sometimes things are not so bad.
In any case, nothing is left to me.
I feel like I need him.
I was afraid of a collision with the unknown.
It's not as bad as it seems others.
It's hard to find someone with whom will be easy and joyful.
Council. Remember that if you kiss a toad, it does not necessarily turn into a prince. In the mouth remains a disgusting taste in my head - nasty memories. Do not mix the feelings associated with good relationships, their fantasies, book promises sex - with love. Feelings distort reality; Use mind, appreciating their men. And true love will not be long until you learn to love yourself. Take action! You deserve the best.
It is impossible to speak
fourth error. Silly passion.
It is obvious that men and women have different attitudes toward sex. Women perceive it too romantic, it is believed that the "simple movement" is applied to men any obligation to believe that sacrifice themselves and often require the response of victims.
In all matters relating to this aspect of the relationship, it is better to delay than to rush. Give "mature apple," Have time to assess the impact of your stride. The closeness and sexual intimacy - very different things. Proximity - this is when you can talk to your friend about everything. So never work out of what then will not be able to talk to him.
Council. No matter how old you are, sex can not be the measure of your value and worth of your relationship with a man. Hasty sex leads to the fact that you will still be more than blame themselves, come to more despair and sense of terrifying loneliness.
The cat is still sitting in a bag
fifth error. Stupid cohabitation.
A hundred times any of us have heard the view that "before the wedding, it would be good to live together, to know each other better," and not receive as a result of official marriages pig in a poke. However, the "cat" is still there. According to statistics, the divorce rate among those who live together before marriage, compared with those who once walked down the aisle, much higher!
The thing is, why a woman agrees to cohabitation outside of marriage. It is a kind of capitulation: a man is afraid of the "official" responsibility, and she decided to go to meet him. The woman settled with him to find out what he really is, and to find stability in a relationship, keep it.
When he thinks, "I must see if I always good, every day," she insists: "We must be very attentive to it was good every day." It is clear that this unit will not operate during, and after all that, and another idea - a utopia
Council. To force a man to respect themselves, never lower the bar of their claims. If he can not rise to the desired level, it is better rasstantes with him.
What are you pulled?
sixth error. Silly expectations.
Think about it, if you respond well to rehabilitation on his ... dtsat any year. That's the same one. If you are going to marry, do not expect that it will be different only under the influence of your precious. Instead of thinking "I can fix it," you must own "What I can retractor?».
It often happens that the qualities that so attracted you to the groom, are disgusting potóm. The secret to this lies in the fact that we unconsciously chosen one looking into the features of his father, want a new way to survive the traumatic events of the past or to defend against the wrongs done to us once. And the choice is still another! And then you start to hate him. Although really hate yourself.
Council. If you are married, to protect children from offenses, committed to him as soon as possible. Replay the past is impossible. If you are married and hate her husband, in search of the source of hatred primarily look inward. And you can not find the reasons for their suffering, and will marry, and hate to think that all men are defective.
Use correct body
Error seventh. Stupid idea.
Not love. Not "the very moment of life." Not "everyone is waiting for this from me." No evidence of "I can do that too." Not "I'll make him marry me." Not "what remains for me ..." And nothing else can be the reason to have a child. And only this: you have the interest, ability and means to give the child everything you need is love, protection, wealth
None of your needs do not matter. The only important thing a child needs. After paying for all of your problems and errors have him. Home is always the woman. Of course, there is the responsibility of both men, but because your body belongs only to you!
Council. Consider how to, when and from whom you get pregnant.
Do not let children hurt
eighth error. Related stupidity.
Awful, when women are contrary to the maternal instinct. Even in the wild, there is no fiercer creatures than a female protecting cubs. But the people ... Sometimes, allow women to hit their children, give them the education of others (only for the sake of her husband did not run). And one pair even sold his "untimely" the child to start a business.
Council. Remember that children will not forgive you if you did not protect them. Do not allow anyone to harm their children and toddlers do not sacrifice for the happiness of a man or imaginary affection.
Do not be afraid to stomp
ninth error. Silly helplessness.
Little girls often get angry if something goes wrong, how they want. But where this anger disappears when they grow up? Women resent, cry, suffer, become depressed because they are afraid to express anger, fear and anger to hurt others.
Depression - is not nothing but a passive experience of the situation, while active, short-term outburst could easily solve the problem and set limits beyond which your abuser has no right to pass
Enough to drive anger deep inside (shown by the way that it causes disease).
Council. In life there are painful moments, and the overcoming of this pain - the price to be paid for, to develop character. Do you like any human being, I have the privilege, the right and opportunity to be a person. This does not mean you have to run against each knocking hooves; this means that you have to include in themselves and equation, but not the remainder from the integer is not a by-product calculus! Do not stay with those who abuse you.
His marsh is better
tenth error. Stupid forgiveness.
Women - the most patient of creating the world. They can invent a million excuses, but would not sever relations with their unworthy man. How often do we think that a familiar swamp is still better than a swamp, which you know nothing. Repeat to yourself: "If I go, I'm unhappy." Yes, perhaps this is so. But at least you will be able to build their own happiness, you deprived with "their swamp».
Council. Do not live by the principle "How can I change it without touching it?". Take a look at yourself - there, inside there must be courage, independence and initiative. Be realistic! You always have a choice!
Also interesting: Do not put man at the center of his universe
What do you think - do not you think. So there
feminine charm Mystery
It is known that women laugh more men. Particularly in mixed companies. It seems men prefer to laugh than to laugh himself, and this asymmetry is observed since childhood. Remember, someone in your class clown was number one - certainly the boy. And is not there a difference between male and female laughter significant factor in the creation of a harmonious union?
German psychologists have observed the reaction of women when talking to strange men, and then interviewed both. It turns out that the more a woman laugh, the more interest it feels to the other party. Yes men and flirtatious nicer. The indicator of healthy, harmonious relationships in the pair - a female rather than a male laughter. Men can laugh or not to laugh, but if the family does not sound feminine laugh - it is bad.