The child requires gadgets like classmates – what to do? Whether to protect children from difficulties? What is fraught with the passion of early development? "Pravmir" continues to converse with the famous psychologist Julia Gippenreiter, How to be in situations where all first graders in the class has a tablet with the Internet, and the child asks the same? How to raise a child in respect of all gadgets, phones?
– Of course, I suppose in family education a lot of power to the child was in some degree protected. Even the adult (me too!) sometimes moving regret that my model phone does not last, and it has less features. And it's a shame.
I think that parents need to connect this topic to a more General conversations with your children. Phones and tablets is part of a more General issue that they care about: how I look in front of others? What do you mean "compare yourself to someone" and "jealous"? How to respond to the fact that someone is praised: my dad has this machine, I have such a gadget.
Such things should be discussed in advance. Here, the child bursts into tears, and you tell him: "Stop, this is not important. The main value is your knowledge, your spiritual development". It is too late! This is about how the girl in the 15-17 years, to say that he, the man she fell in love with her that he was a scoundrel and a seducer. Later.
I read how wonderful a child psychologist conducts play therapy with the girl. The psychiatrist is a very accepting, warm, the child begins to trust her and said, "When I grow up I will marry you". The girl of five years, but it already creates a human image of who you will marry, although naive is wrong with the floor. The latter is especially touching, because it shows that the human is more important to her.
It is necessary to tell the child: "You don't are reinforced by the gadget not getting him more interesting. It is a sheath. But you live, real, getting your "shell" worse, but let's compare alive! Let's talk about this boy with a new gadget, why does he have a feeling that he is now stronger, and you weaker? Are you sure about this? Let's compare your actions, maybe he really is stronger, but not because he's gadget. But if he only brags that it's a crutch stilts".
Alexey Rudakov (husband of Julia Gippenreiter, a mathematician):– Parents think that child's life is simple and serene. You should buy him a more expensive phone, he will be happy. In fact, the child needs to learn to resist the complex world. Problems in the world a lot of children: and no gadget and smart-that's not love, and conflict enough.
You need to learn abut horns, to have their position. It starts early. If you think that the world is so soft, here are a couple more gadgets, and you're going to be happy – it's awful, it's a loss. Money does not give happiness, gadgets don't give happiness.
If I was a teacher, a class teacher in the eighth-ninth grade, I would say: "Guys, you each have a phone – someone modern, someone does tin can, soap dish. Let's do an experiment". And asked to write:
– Who in the class is the strongest?
– Who is the most dear?
– Who is the most good?
– Who is the smartest?
– Who is the patient?
– Whom would you believe?
– Who is most persistent?
– Who regardless of all thinks?
Only positive properties, it is not necessary negative! And to each of the items written three to five names. And then ask who phone is better and who is worse. And compare.
Here is a list of class, but rather a kind, intelligent, strong. Some will not hit, and I would say: "It's not because you do not possess these properties, but because you have yet to show their best qualities, such as kindness, guys do not see", – it is necessary to say.
It is necessary to consult with a psychologist, to devise such an experiment, maybe some guys will be cured of longing for the iPhone.
– These must be purchased and independence, and resistance, and stubbornness in the end.
– We need these qualities to articulate and bring to the consciousness of children. There is a narrowing of interests on the techniques and means of communication, but actually to live it wider than necessary. Children are simultaneously enriched and depleted technological progress. Therefore, the task of the Humanities – writers, artists, playwrights, psychologists, teachers and parents to expand their world, consciousness, the sphere of their life!
– There is another danger. The child must learn to handle the world, but sometimes it is too hard, it may be in a cornered situation. Pecking his teachers, he is attacked by peers, and then it is necessary, of course, to protect.
– How to protect?
A child should not have to close from difficulties. The world is complex, it may be in a very difficult position, then he should be willing to seek help. If this channel is destroyed by the control, criticism, rigidity of behavior, a fear that he will criticize and condemn the parents, then the child may be in danger. Importantly, the contact was. And if the child lost contact, then bad. Especially with teenagers. Trust must be.
– And if you lost contact, you can restore it somehow?
Of course it can! Because the child is also looking for understanding. If there is no contact with the parent, it tries to install it with relative, if not with relatives chooses the teacher. Children are looking for contact, every person is looking for. What do you mean, lost? Of course, it is bad if it is lost, but we must try to recover. And how?
–How do you feel about early child development? Today, many moms are trying to fill the time baby, offering new classes. Don't do that – feel that you're missing out. Do I need to fill all the time a small child development and classroom?
– Mom who tries to take the child, does not believe in the spontaneous force of its development. The child, of course, need intellectual food, and external information. Have familiarity with geography, materials, patterns, colors. But he has the imagination, interest, ability and desire to do what he wants – these are all very important things, they are part of his self-determination. "I need it" is an expression of feeling.
When the mother of the hard stuffs of the child in different class, she's pulling his strings, as the character in the puppet theater: "Now you do this and then this and this!" He has not had time to figure out what he is interested, but in his mind wedged the energy of the mother, he would say – and he will do exactly what I say. Mental process and mental skills developed during individual training, not to mention creativity, imagination, must grow from within and not by external circuits.Classes of early development are divided into two groups: informing the child
(there is such a substance, and there are countries, and even such a word) and fun, game.
Matter how the mother lets him to be independent – in any occupation it is necessary to remember.
As a mom organizes classes? She asks the child questions? Says: "Look, observe"? Or just: "do this, Do that". Continuously score the age of the child is the path it learned passivity. As a result, the child will not be able to occupy himself, he will need to have someone else come up with his classes, gave instructions. He will have to wait that the external shape mom will be in it a lot to decide and do.
– Deus ex machina.
– I'm always surprised when they hear that the child needs this, this and this to teach before school. List to the school because a small, really small. A child must learn still a lot. For example, the development of your body. This is a huge task, which consists of tens of different stuff – how to get into it, and how to get through it...
– How to climb a fence, run along a narrow Board? How the dice fall, if you don't put. And how to not fall? This exploration of the physical laws. And to even see how my mom swears dad is also very important.
– And if, instead, sit him a little book open and forcibly taught to read, he just may miss out.
So the answer is: without fanaticism. To develop without fanaticism.
The nature of the plastic, and the mother should be plastic with the child, and not hard. This is a very good word for my mother – plasticity! published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki