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Julia Hippenreiter on divorce and child abuse
3 rational solutions from Julia HippenreiterDoctor of Psychology, author of numerous books on education Julia Hippenreiter on practical cases shows the basics of healthy relationships in the family and raising children.
Julia Borisovna Hippenreuter
Problem #1: Parents Divorce
Marriage breaks at the seams, and for a long time. The parents are in the process of divorce, but still living together, and they need to finally explain themselves to the child. How do you tell him that mom and dad are no longer together?
Answer:There's an injury already. All this time, the child lived in a terrible atmosphere of divorce. And even though he was silent, and mom and dad pretended that everything was okay, the fact is, you're never going to fool the kids. So be open to your children and tell them the truth in the language they can understand – for example, we can’t, we’re not comfortable living together, but we’re still your parents. It is scary when one parent turns the child against the other, because he has only one father and mother, and it is important that they remain loving parents in the divorce.Fight for the human atmosphere in the family - goodbye, let go, if life does not work together, let go of the person.
What's in your heart when your husband looks at other women? What do we do with our experiences? A democratic attitude towards the child also applies to adults. If you understand what your husband needs at one time or another - to look at another woman, go fishing - you need to let him do it.It’s better to smile more and be less of a police officer.
Issue 2: Should children be restricted?
A mum wants her four-year-old son to eat less sweets and they agreed on a certain daily allowance. One day they were at a children's party where a boy ate a piece of cake. Then they went to Grandpa's house and there were candy on his desk. The mother asked the child not to eat candy, because today was cake, and take them with you and eat later. But the boy took candy in front of his mother and put it in his mouth. What do I do?
Answer:The child wants sweets, not rules, he does not like to be banned, like any normal child. In fact, there is a struggle for defending their rights, and he does not hear mom’s explanations about the dangers of sweets. Do not lead children into temptation: you do not need to put candy in a visible place, remove them from the eyes of the child, it is difficult for him to control his desire, as well as adults who follow a diet.
When the mother forbids, and the child in revenge eats candy, he enters the path of struggle with the parent. If the mother “squeezes” with prohibitions, the child violates discipline. What do you need? Conversation and taking into account the wishes of the child, without pressure. Bring out a state of affairs that the child does not realize - he may not understand that he is fighting for his rights, against prohibitions.
If something doesn’t work in your upbringing, don’t “dump” it to this point, try something else. It can be a conversation with the child, active listening. You can offer him to control his own desires, children in this sense are brilliant and can take away the reins of power from his mother if she imposes rules by force.
Problem #3: Childhood mischief
The family has three children. The youngest is a girl who constantly makes her mother nervous: she will smear mustard on the white upholstery of the sofa, then beat her brother. And to all the exhortations of the mother responds with an innocent look and continues to do dirty things. What's up?
I answer that: children have to be restricted so that they do not fall out of the window, do not hit the head of a younger brother with a hammer, you have to say “you can’t”. But it is necessary to say this not offensively, not as an order, but to channel the activity of the child for peaceful purposes and thereby approve his research.
I am shocked and touched by cases when children at two years old shout “no!”, even though my mother has not yet had time to say anything. This global “no” is a rebellion of the soul. Sometimes, you want to rebel against everything, against the strap that you pull and do not live.
What is the evil that a child does? He takes revenge on his mother - for younger brothers and sisters, for example. This is not hate, but the pain he feels. The forces of diktat in which we grew up often defeat the kindness of the parent, and he breaks off on the child, and this cannot be done.
Credit Julia Hippenreiter
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: womo.ua/yuliya-gippenreyter/
Julia Borisovna Hippenreuter
Problem #1: Parents Divorce
Marriage breaks at the seams, and for a long time. The parents are in the process of divorce, but still living together, and they need to finally explain themselves to the child. How do you tell him that mom and dad are no longer together?
Answer:There's an injury already. All this time, the child lived in a terrible atmosphere of divorce. And even though he was silent, and mom and dad pretended that everything was okay, the fact is, you're never going to fool the kids. So be open to your children and tell them the truth in the language they can understand – for example, we can’t, we’re not comfortable living together, but we’re still your parents. It is scary when one parent turns the child against the other, because he has only one father and mother, and it is important that they remain loving parents in the divorce.Fight for the human atmosphere in the family - goodbye, let go, if life does not work together, let go of the person.
What's in your heart when your husband looks at other women? What do we do with our experiences? A democratic attitude towards the child also applies to adults. If you understand what your husband needs at one time or another - to look at another woman, go fishing - you need to let him do it.It’s better to smile more and be less of a police officer.
Issue 2: Should children be restricted?
A mum wants her four-year-old son to eat less sweets and they agreed on a certain daily allowance. One day they were at a children's party where a boy ate a piece of cake. Then they went to Grandpa's house and there were candy on his desk. The mother asked the child not to eat candy, because today was cake, and take them with you and eat later. But the boy took candy in front of his mother and put it in his mouth. What do I do?
Answer:The child wants sweets, not rules, he does not like to be banned, like any normal child. In fact, there is a struggle for defending their rights, and he does not hear mom’s explanations about the dangers of sweets. Do not lead children into temptation: you do not need to put candy in a visible place, remove them from the eyes of the child, it is difficult for him to control his desire, as well as adults who follow a diet.
When the mother forbids, and the child in revenge eats candy, he enters the path of struggle with the parent. If the mother “squeezes” with prohibitions, the child violates discipline. What do you need? Conversation and taking into account the wishes of the child, without pressure. Bring out a state of affairs that the child does not realize - he may not understand that he is fighting for his rights, against prohibitions.
If something doesn’t work in your upbringing, don’t “dump” it to this point, try something else. It can be a conversation with the child, active listening. You can offer him to control his own desires, children in this sense are brilliant and can take away the reins of power from his mother if she imposes rules by force.
Problem #3: Childhood mischief
The family has three children. The youngest is a girl who constantly makes her mother nervous: she will smear mustard on the white upholstery of the sofa, then beat her brother. And to all the exhortations of the mother responds with an innocent look and continues to do dirty things. What's up?
I answer that: children have to be restricted so that they do not fall out of the window, do not hit the head of a younger brother with a hammer, you have to say “you can’t”. But it is necessary to say this not offensively, not as an order, but to channel the activity of the child for peaceful purposes and thereby approve his research.
I am shocked and touched by cases when children at two years old shout “no!”, even though my mother has not yet had time to say anything. This global “no” is a rebellion of the soul. Sometimes, you want to rebel against everything, against the strap that you pull and do not live.
What is the evil that a child does? He takes revenge on his mother - for younger brothers and sisters, for example. This is not hate, but the pain he feels. The forces of diktat in which we grew up often defeat the kindness of the parent, and he breaks off on the child, and this cannot be done.
Credit Julia Hippenreiter
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: womo.ua/yuliya-gippenreyter/
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