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What Should You Not Forbid Children? A List of 14 Things!
It's always easier for us to allow our child something than to look for a way to properly forbid it. Why? One doesn't want to exert their authority over the little one, another adheres to the principles of "complete freedom for the child!", a third doesn't want to become a tyrant, and the fourth is simply too lazy to forbid and explain.
Does a child even need prohibitions?
14 things you can't forbid a child - considering alternatives
Of course, children need certain frameworks and boundaries. But the constant "no" that a child hears from us, tired, nervous, and always busy, leads to the formation of complexes and inhibitions, the emergence of fears and guilt, a lack of new knowledge, and so on.
That is, prohibitions must be correct!
What you absolutely can't forbid a child?
1. Eating independently.
Of course, it's much easier to quickly spoon-feed porridge to the child, saving yourself time and also powder for washing the "killed" t-shirts and sweaters. But in doing so, we deprive the child of the first step towards independence – after all, bringing a spoon to the mouth without dropping its contents is a responsible process that requires maximum perseverance. And when the time comes for kindergarten, you won't have to watch out for the "evil caregiver" who shoves lunch into your clumsy child. Because he will already be eating by himself! Like a little hero. Don't spare time for your little one's first adult steps – it will simplify the parenting process in the years to come.
2. Helping mom and dad.
"Don't touch it, you'll drop it!" or "No! You'll spill it!" – mom shouts, and after a while she complains to her friends that the child doesn't want to do anything at all. Don't deprive your child of the opportunity to help you. By helping you, he feels like an adult and needed. It doesn't matter if you have to spend twice as long cleaning the kitchen after the child's help – but he helped mom. Set aside a children's cleaning kit for your little one – let them grow up. Wants to take the dishes to the sink – give them one that you don't mind breaking. Wants to help you with the bags – give him a bag with a loaf of bread. Don't refuse your child – all good habits must be instilled from an early age.
3. Drawing with paints.
Don't take away the child's opportunity for self-expression. Paints develop creativity, fine motor skills, imagination, relieve stress, soothe the nervous system, increase self-esteem, and so on. Buy your child non-toxic paints, put an old t-shirt (or apron) on him, put oilcloth on the floor (on a large table) and let the child express himself "to the fullest." Wants to draw on the walls? Attach a couple of large sheets of drawing paper over the wallpaper – let him draw. You can even set aside an entire wall for these pranks so that there is somewhere to roam.
4. Undressing in the house.
Children tend to shed excess clothing, run barefoot or even naked. This is a perfectly natural desire. Don't rush to shout "get dressed immediately!" (unless, of course, you have bare concrete on the floor). At normal room temperature, a child can spend 15-20 minutes barefoot completely painlessly (it's even beneficial).
5. Expressing their emotions.
That is, jumping/running, squealing and having fun, shouting, etc. In short, being a child. It is clear that in a clinic or when visiting, you should observe the rules of decency, but at home, allow the child to remain himself. For him, this is a way to release energy, relieve stress, and relax. As they say, "don't interfere with the accordion player, he plays as he can."
6. Climbing on horizontal bars or sports complexes outside.
You don't need to pull the child by the sleeve and drag him to the sandbox with shouts of "don't climb, it's dangerous." Yes, it's dangerous. But that's what parents are for: to explain the safety rules, show how to go down/up, and provide backup at the bottom so that the child doesn't fall. It is better for your child to learn to control his body right away (in your presence) than later, without you (and without experience), he will climb onto the horizontal bar.
7. Playing with water.
Well, of course, the child will create a flood. And get wet from head to toe. But how much happiness there will be in his eyes, and what an emotional release for him! Don't deprive the child of such pleasure. Allocate a zone for him, within which he can splash to his heart's content, spray, etc. Give out different containers (watering cans, pots, spoons, plastic cups).
8. Splashing through puddles.
Puddles are a real source of happiness. Moreover, for all children without exception, and even for some adults. Buy your child bright boots and let him go on a "free swim." Positive emotions are the key to mental health.
9. Touching breakable things.
Every child is characterized by curiosity. He just needs to touch, examine, taste, etc. Don't rush to take away the cup or figurine given to you from his hands. Just explain that this thing is very dear to you, and it should be handled with care – it is not intended for games, but it is quite possible to hold and examine it. If the thing still breaks – don't shout and don't scare the child. Say "good luck!" and collect the fragments together with the child (let him hold the scoop while you sweep them away).
10. Having your own opinion.
Mom, of course, knows better which t-shirt will suit these shorts, how to arrange the toys, and in what order to eat the dishes from the festive table. But your little one is already a full-fledged person. He has his own desires, thoughts and opinions. Listen to your child. "I said so!" and "Because!" are not arguments for the child at all. Convince him that you are right, or have the courage to agree with his opinion.
11. Playing with dishes.
Again, we hide everything dangerous and expensive higher and deeper, and spatulas, spoons, pots, containers – this is not just dishes, but developing materials for the baby – let him play! If you don't mind cereals, then you don't need to deprive the child of this pleasure, because it is so pleasant to pour pasta with beans and buckwheat from saucepan to saucepan.
12. Sleeping with the light on.
Children, especially starting from 3-4 years old, are afraid to sleep in the dark. This is normal: the psychological "separation" from the mother is often accompanied by nightmares. Don't overdo it when accustoming your child to sleeping in a separate crib or room. If the child is afraid of the dark, install a night light.
13. Not finishing eating.
You shouldn't torture a child with cereals and soups that he doesn't want. Dinner should not be a torment, but a pleasure. Only in this case will it be beneficial. And in order for the child's appetite to be higher, arrange for him to have fewer snacks between meals, and strictly observe the diet.
14. Fantasizing.
You, like no one else, know your child. Learn to distinguish "artistic fiction" (fantasies) from obvious and intentional lies. Fabrications are the game and the child's own universe. Lying is an unacceptable phenomenon and a sign of the child's distrust of you.
11 things that you must forbid a child in any case
With the constant use of the particle "not" or the word "no" by parents, the child gets used to prohibitions. Automatic. That is, over time, the reaction to prohibitions will become completely different – the child will simply stop reacting to them.
True, there are other extremes. For example, when a mother so frightens the child with her "no's" that the child's fear of doing something wrong turns into a phobia. Therefore, it is reasonable to divide prohibitions into categorical (absolute), temporary and depending on circumstances.
If the second and third mothers determine based on the situation, then absolute prohibitions can be singled out into a specific list.
So, absolutely not allowed...
1. Hitting others and fighting.
Cruelty should be nipped in the bud, always explaining to the child – why exactly is it not allowed. If the child is hyperactive and aggressive towards peers, teach him to "let off steam" in a civilized way. For example, draw, beat a punching bag, dance, etc.
2. Offending our smaller brothers.
Teach your child to help animals and take care of them. Get a pet (even a hamster), take your child on a tour to the stable and introduce them to horses, visit an animal shelter and set a personal example for your child (a lesson in mercy).
3. Taking other people's things.
The child should absorb this axiom from infancy. It is not allowed to appropriate other people's toys, rummage through parental belongings or nibble on sweets in the store. You don't need to scold – you need to explain what such actions lead to (without embellishment, honestly). If it doesn't help, ask someone you know to play the role of a policeman.
4. Not saying hello.
Not responding to a greeting and not saying goodbye is impolite. From infancy, teach your child to say hello, say "thank you and please", apologize. Of course, the most effective method is a personal example.
5. Running away from mom.
One of the key "no's." The child must understand that you can't leave your parents anywhere, and before leaving (to the sandbox, for example, or to the neighboring counter in the department store), you need to tell your mother about it.
6. Climbing on windowsills.
Even if you have plastic windows and all safety measures have been taken. This prohibition is categorical.
7. Playing on the roadway.
The child should know this rule by heart. The ideal option is to study it in pictures and reinforce the effect with useful cartoons. But even in this case, the option "go for a walk, I'll watch from the window" is irresponsible. According to the law of meanness, the ball from the playground always flies onto the road, and you just may not have time to protect the child.
8. Throwing things from the balcony.
It doesn't matter – toys, water balloons, stones or something else. Everything that creates danger to people around is prohibited. Not to mention that it's just uncivilized.
9. Sticking fingers or objects into sockets.
Just plugs and camouflage are NOT ENOUGH! Explain to the child why it is dangerous.
10. Violating moral standards.
That is, throwing various objects at other people, spitting, jumping through puddles if someone is walking nearby, using foul language, etc.
11. Playing with fire (matches, lighters, etc.).
It is easy to reveal this topic to the child – today there are a lot of useful materials on this topic, developed specifically for children in the form of cartoons.
Prohibitions for children – rules for parents
In order for the prohibition to be assimilated by the child and not meet with resistance, resentment, protest, a number of prohibition rules should be learned:
- Don't choose a condemning tone for the prohibition, don't shame or accuse the child. A prohibition is a boundary, not a reason to accuse the child of having crossed it.
- Always and in an accessible form explain the reasons for the prohibition. You can't just take it and forbid it. You need to explain – why it is not allowed, what is dangerous, what the consequences may be. Without motivation, prohibitions do not work. Formulate prohibitions clearly and concisely – without long lectures and reading morals. Or even better – through the game, so that the material is better assimilated.
- Having defined the boundaries, do not violate them (especially when it comes to absolute prohibitions). You can't forbid a child to take mom's things yesterday and today, and allow it tomorrow so that he doesn't get in the way while you're chatting with a friend. "NO" should be categorical.
- Restrictions should not be ubiquitous. A minimum of absolute restrictions is enough. Otherwise, look for compromises and be more cunning. Not "stop being capricious, there are people here, you can't!", but "Son, let's go choose a gift for Dad – he has a birthday soon" (a toy for the cat, a spatula for the pan, etc.).
- Prohibitions should not conflict with the needs of the child. You can't forbid him to jump and fool around, fantasize, burrow in the sand up to his ears, splash through puddles, build houses under the table, laugh loudly, etc. Because he is a child, and such states are normal for him.
- Taking care of the safety of the child, do not overdo it. It is better to maximize the safety of all the child's paths of movement in the apartment (plugs, soft pads on the corners, dangerous objects removed to the very top, etc.) than to shout "no" every 5 minutes.
- The prohibition should come not only from you – from the whole family. If mom forbade it, dad shouldn't allow it. Coordinate your requirements between all family members.
- More often read smart and useful books to your child. Watch cartoons specially created to broaden your horizons. There is no shortage of them today. Moralizing from mom is tiring, but the plot from the cartoon (book), like "Vasya played with matches," will be remembered for a long time.
- Be an example to your child. Why say that you can't walk around the bedroom in shoes if you yourself allow yourself to jump (even "on tiptoes") in boots for a handbag or keys.
- Offer the child a choice. This will not only save you from having to exert your authority, but also increase the child's self-esteem. Doesn't want to put on pajamas? Offer the child a choice – green or yellow pajamas. Doesn't want to swim? Let him choose the toys he will take with him to the bathroom.
Author: Natali Kritskaya