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What Men Really Want
It would be useful for every woman to have a “instruction” for her husband. As well as a man would be very useful "Instruction" to his wife.
The biggest misconception is that we are the same. When we think that way, we try to give each other what we want. Like in a fairy tale about a crane and a fox - she pours porridge into a flat plate, and he pours it into a deep jug. In the end, both are unhappy and hungry.
When a woman thinks a man has the same needs as her, she tries to give him intimacy, security, and gratitude. These are women’s basic needs!
But for some reason this kind of care a man can not stand. And it’s no surprise to learn that a man has only 2 basic needs.
And the saddest thing is that they often conflict in family life. I got married, and I think I do. But he's not free anymore. Not married, and free. But nobody wants to. If he is married, but his wife is always unhappy, he is neither free nor necessary.
What are we trying to give men?
The wife tries to give him the intimacy she likes, and he regards it as an infringement on his freedom. And both are unhappy in the end. She doesn't understand why he pushes her away - maybe he doesn't. And he doesn’t understand why she needs to communicate now, because he wants to be alone.
The wife tries to give her husband gratitude, but if she compliments him about his qualities, then they are useless. Hearing that he is smart, handsome and kind, the husband will either conceit or consider flattery. But if you start to give him gratitude, emphasizing his need, then the male heart melts. "You cleaned the sink so well, I couldn't have done it without you!" warms the male Ego. “You are a master of all trades” feeds the false Ego.
The wife tries to give her husband safety and begins to surround him with care. Killed at work so he wouldn't overwork. It is fully served - feeds, drinks, clothes. So, most likely, the husband will sooner or later become Oblomov. He will not have the motivation to go forward and conquer the tops. And that will make both of them miserable.
How can we give men what they need?
The first step is to see that we are different. We have different needs, different bodies, different trains of thought. We are created to be together – we complement each other perfectly.
And that's why we're different. Everyone has their responsibilities, their functions, their way, their tools. That's great! If God wanted us all to be the same, we would be same-sex beings, living on our own, having children of our own, taking care of ourselves.
Give a sense of need
A man likes to give patronage. It's masculine. Of course, we don’t always see men taking responsibility. Sometimes their masculine nature is so trampled by women that they fear responsibility. Only responsibility can make them happy.
And so that this burden is not heavy for them, we can give them additional strength. This strength for a man is the awareness of his need and importance. That's how he makes sense.
Women are process-oriented, so they always need something. A man needs results. He conquered the top and received a standing ovation. Rested and went to conquer a new one. A man is made for feats.
But do we notice all these peaks that the husband conquered for us? He said:
And us? Every time he does something, we devalue it. We say:
And so on. We do the same with our children:
And so on. Then our sons have their wives, and now we chase them through life together (and well, if not in different directions).
It's about recognizing achievement. The cycle must end. The endless race exhausts, deprives of motivation and self-esteem. It is important for a man to feel that he has achieved something, and that something is very valuable and important to us. Then he has the power to conquer new heights.
We must learn to be grateful! It's nature! See: conception of a child - a man (sperm) must reach the goal (egg). And the egg (woman) should receive it with gratitude. If she does not accept it, there will be no new life.
Learn to be grateful for all the actions of our men. This is the way they are able to receive gratitude. For every dish washed and every ruble earned. Seeing this reaction, a man wants to continue to do. He can't do anything when his past cycle is incomplete.
My personal experience is that while I demanded accomplishments and exploits from my husband, for some reason he did not want to move anywhere. I would pull him off the couch, out of bed and “motivate” him, and he wasn’t motivated. And then I applied that rule. I began to thank him for every action. And I stopped demanding and pushing.
And... I have more reasons to be grateful.
Give a feeling of freedom
Sometimes a man needs to be alone. Go to your cave, as John Gray says. Only in this way can he put his thoughts and feelings in order. This cave can be an office or a separate room in the house. It could be a cafe or a gym. The options can be different – the main thing is that in this place he can be alone and no one will touch him.
He may feel good at home, but being at home is eating away at his masculinity. His calling is to act outside. It is like a wind that cannot be locked in four walls, otherwise it is not the wind.
He needs to be free. At least feel that he can be alone at any time, and no one will bother him. Then the family will no longer feel like heavy fetters, bound on hands and feet.
To survive anger, a man needs to be in his cave.
In order to survive, he also needs his cave.
But most importantly, in order for him to feel love for his family again, he also needs to be alone.
And a wise woman lets her husband go to this cave. It will be filled with strength and energy. I want him to realize how important and loved his wife is.
It's much easier to let my husband go to the cave if we can take care of ourselves. After all, at this time you can take care of yourself and your body, meet with friends, learn female arts – instead of waiting for him to return.
And when he returns, he must be met with love and gratitude. Like dogs do when the owner comes. It doesn’t matter what time he came or what mood he was in. They are always happy to see what they are showing. We usually meet our husband a little differently.
A man needs to communicate with men.
Male nature needs the exchange of male energy. A loving woman welcomes her husband’s friends.
They may seem strange, stupid, boring. But our men need them. It would be great if he and his friends talked about the eternal and drank fresh juices. But even if they drink beer together and talk about football, we shouldn’t get involved. Let alone ban it.
A man needs to communicate with men. If the husband can get it at this stage only on football with beer, so be it. Our acceptance can work wonders, and perhaps one day he will find a friend with whom they will actually fish on the weekends. Just fishing with a thermos of tea.
Rejoice if your husband has an outlet! If he likes to go with friends to football, hockey, basketball, fishing, hunting, mountains, hiking ... This strengthens his ability to perform his male duties. It nourishes his masculine nature.
It is difficult, especially if there are already children in the family.
As long as we didn’t have children, my husband could go out with friends as often as he wanted. Just at the same time, I was dating friends. And everyone was fine.
With the advent of children, it became more difficult for me to let him go somewhere, because I myself remained at home in care. Sometimes I was even dissatisfied with him going to friends again, sometimes swearing and giving concerts.
It didn't improve our relationship. Now I'm trying to meet him. It's not always easy, it's hard when it's delayed longer than agreed. But I can see how happy and filled he is. How much he's willing to do for me and the kids.
You can think of it as an investment. Who can sprout and give dividends in the form of love and care.
That's not all, of course. This is just the first step to understanding a man. And when we take this step in his direction, it can make us both happier.
Author: Olga Valyaeva
P.S. And remember, just by changing our consciousness, we change the world together!
Join us on Facebook, VKontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: www.valyaeva.ru/chego-xotyat-muzhchiny-samye-vazhnye-potre/
The biggest misconception is that we are the same. When we think that way, we try to give each other what we want. Like in a fairy tale about a crane and a fox - she pours porridge into a flat plate, and he pours it into a deep jug. In the end, both are unhappy and hungry.
When a woman thinks a man has the same needs as her, she tries to give him intimacy, security, and gratitude. These are women’s basic needs!
But for some reason this kind of care a man can not stand. And it’s no surprise to learn that a man has only 2 basic needs.
- Need to be.
- Be free
And the saddest thing is that they often conflict in family life. I got married, and I think I do. But he's not free anymore. Not married, and free. But nobody wants to. If he is married, but his wife is always unhappy, he is neither free nor necessary.
What are we trying to give men?
The wife tries to give him the intimacy she likes, and he regards it as an infringement on his freedom. And both are unhappy in the end. She doesn't understand why he pushes her away - maybe he doesn't. And he doesn’t understand why she needs to communicate now, because he wants to be alone.
The wife tries to give her husband gratitude, but if she compliments him about his qualities, then they are useless. Hearing that he is smart, handsome and kind, the husband will either conceit or consider flattery. But if you start to give him gratitude, emphasizing his need, then the male heart melts. "You cleaned the sink so well, I couldn't have done it without you!" warms the male Ego. “You are a master of all trades” feeds the false Ego.
The wife tries to give her husband safety and begins to surround him with care. Killed at work so he wouldn't overwork. It is fully served - feeds, drinks, clothes. So, most likely, the husband will sooner or later become Oblomov. He will not have the motivation to go forward and conquer the tops. And that will make both of them miserable.
How can we give men what they need?
The first step is to see that we are different. We have different needs, different bodies, different trains of thought. We are created to be together – we complement each other perfectly.
And that's why we're different. Everyone has their responsibilities, their functions, their way, their tools. That's great! If God wanted us all to be the same, we would be same-sex beings, living on our own, having children of our own, taking care of ourselves.
Give a sense of need
A man likes to give patronage. It's masculine. Of course, we don’t always see men taking responsibility. Sometimes their masculine nature is so trampled by women that they fear responsibility. Only responsibility can make them happy.
And so that this burden is not heavy for them, we can give them additional strength. This strength for a man is the awareness of his need and importance. That's how he makes sense.
Women are process-oriented, so they always need something. A man needs results. He conquered the top and received a standing ovation. Rested and went to conquer a new one. A man is made for feats.
But do we notice all these peaks that the husband conquered for us? He said:
- Making money - how can you?
- Helping around the house - how can I?
- Raising children as he can.
- Provide support as he can.
- Carrying bags
- Pour tea
- Provide family rest - as much as possible
- And so on.
And us? Every time he does something, we devalue it. We say:
- Did you bring your salary? Why so little?
- Did you wash the dishes? Why is that so bad?
- Did you babysit? Why did you only walk 3 times?
- Did you bring groceries? Why not?
- Why tea without sugar?
- Why do we rest in the country, and not at the sea?
And so on. We do the same with our children:
- You finished kindergarten? Go to school!
- Is first grade good? And the other 9 years?
- A medal school? Now go to college!
- You went to college? Now finish it!
- You graduated? Get a job!
- Get a job? Earn a promotion!
- Achieving your dreams? Now get married!
- Married? Have a baby!
- Have a baby? Educate!
And so on. Then our sons have their wives, and now we chase them through life together (and well, if not in different directions).
It's about recognizing achievement. The cycle must end. The endless race exhausts, deprives of motivation and self-esteem. It is important for a man to feel that he has achieved something, and that something is very valuable and important to us. Then he has the power to conquer new heights.
We must learn to be grateful! It's nature! See: conception of a child - a man (sperm) must reach the goal (egg). And the egg (woman) should receive it with gratitude. If she does not accept it, there will be no new life.
Learn to be grateful for all the actions of our men. This is the way they are able to receive gratitude. For every dish washed and every ruble earned. Seeing this reaction, a man wants to continue to do. He can't do anything when his past cycle is incomplete.
My personal experience is that while I demanded accomplishments and exploits from my husband, for some reason he did not want to move anywhere. I would pull him off the couch, out of bed and “motivate” him, and he wasn’t motivated. And then I applied that rule. I began to thank him for every action. And I stopped demanding and pushing.
- Thank you so much for helping me with these cold water dishes! I appreciate it so much!
- Honey, you did it so well, I wouldn't have done it like this!
- Sweetheart, it’s great to have signed such a contract!
- Thank you for spending time with the kids while I was studying!
And... I have more reasons to be grateful.
Give a feeling of freedom
Sometimes a man needs to be alone. Go to your cave, as John Gray says. Only in this way can he put his thoughts and feelings in order. This cave can be an office or a separate room in the house. It could be a cafe or a gym. The options can be different – the main thing is that in this place he can be alone and no one will touch him.
He may feel good at home, but being at home is eating away at his masculinity. His calling is to act outside. It is like a wind that cannot be locked in four walls, otherwise it is not the wind.
He needs to be free. At least feel that he can be alone at any time, and no one will bother him. Then the family will no longer feel like heavy fetters, bound on hands and feet.
To survive anger, a man needs to be in his cave.
In order to survive, he also needs his cave.
But most importantly, in order for him to feel love for his family again, he also needs to be alone.
And a wise woman lets her husband go to this cave. It will be filled with strength and energy. I want him to realize how important and loved his wife is.
It's much easier to let my husband go to the cave if we can take care of ourselves. After all, at this time you can take care of yourself and your body, meet with friends, learn female arts – instead of waiting for him to return.
And when he returns, he must be met with love and gratitude. Like dogs do when the owner comes. It doesn’t matter what time he came or what mood he was in. They are always happy to see what they are showing. We usually meet our husband a little differently.
A man needs to communicate with men.
Male nature needs the exchange of male energy. A loving woman welcomes her husband’s friends.
They may seem strange, stupid, boring. But our men need them. It would be great if he and his friends talked about the eternal and drank fresh juices. But even if they drink beer together and talk about football, we shouldn’t get involved. Let alone ban it.
A man needs to communicate with men. If the husband can get it at this stage only on football with beer, so be it. Our acceptance can work wonders, and perhaps one day he will find a friend with whom they will actually fish on the weekends. Just fishing with a thermos of tea.
Rejoice if your husband has an outlet! If he likes to go with friends to football, hockey, basketball, fishing, hunting, mountains, hiking ... This strengthens his ability to perform his male duties. It nourishes his masculine nature.
It is difficult, especially if there are already children in the family.
As long as we didn’t have children, my husband could go out with friends as often as he wanted. Just at the same time, I was dating friends. And everyone was fine.
With the advent of children, it became more difficult for me to let him go somewhere, because I myself remained at home in care. Sometimes I was even dissatisfied with him going to friends again, sometimes swearing and giving concerts.
It didn't improve our relationship. Now I'm trying to meet him. It's not always easy, it's hard when it's delayed longer than agreed. But I can see how happy and filled he is. How much he's willing to do for me and the kids.
You can think of it as an investment. Who can sprout and give dividends in the form of love and care.
That's not all, of course. This is just the first step to understanding a man. And when we take this step in his direction, it can make us both happier.
Author: Olga Valyaeva
P.S. And remember, just by changing our consciousness, we change the world together!
Join us on Facebook, VKontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: www.valyaeva.ru/chego-xotyat-muzhchiny-samye-vazhnye-potre/
