565
HUSBAND on the couch
I think many would agree that a default in the couple often looks like this: "My husband does not want to do, the wife yells»
. Let's look at the situation carefully: why so distributed roles and what can be done to exit
. Just ask dismantling, discard any zhenotsentrizm (muzhetsentrizm and that the reverse side of the same). If your goal is not just pogaldet not pat yourself on all the places, but really to find a way out of the problem, you can not blame all over the second side, it is impossible to shield himself. And entirely the responsibility can not be taken too. It is necessary to see the problem on both sides, and then see what can be output. I'm not sorry, women, when you heap praise on each other in the kitchen at girlfriends and criticize men if it relieves stress (and the wives of men - in the bath).
The first thing to understand.
The default for both frustrating and disappointing experience, both similar. But usually they behave in accordance with the gender roles.
And that's because a miracle. Women think that gender role of men - to be an active, business, initiative, and in default he is passive, bezdelny, apathetic and amforfny. What is there gender role?
This is a real gender Actor simply default '.
Why yelling and frantic woman?
Because she is convinced that her husband should move, earn more, to produce goods, as well as all sorts of different fun. She could not lie quietly on the couch, it should knock out of the debtor that he must. Must. He promised (as it seems). Active women is not aimed at obtaining benefits, and fucking her husband, she is trying to extract benefits by kicking him. Here he is tired from kicking, get up and go get the good, she thinks. And it's not about subsistence minimum, the majority of men it is still lacking, and those blessings that make life pleasant: on trips, the new furniture, the campaigns in cafes and cinema. In general, the activity of some kind, which is waiting for his wife, a male initiatives that will make her married life pleasant. Gschert on the couch she does not need. No, it is not going to make a foreign trip itself, does not organize the event, and when it still makes and organizes, the hollows of her husband even stronger, and for what it does not do anything, because she had to. The double volume he ogrebaet.
Why is gender passivity default husbands?
And the fact that they beat good as if not from anyone. Well, they can sometimes yell that soup poor or no sex, but often do not dare, because they go back a mandatory "and you bought a good meat for a good soup?" And "you yourself can not do anything about sex." To the regret not listening to, it is better to remain silent. Embossing of wife good gender role does not allow it to require the activity to insist that she made his life bright and happy, most men do not dare. Therefore, they are silent, and lie on the couch with noutom. Life is worthless, no strength, and ask not with anyone, except that on the internet with someone who is there today is not right. But not with his wife.
The moment I let the children until I touch it, okay? Children - really a general duty of spouses, and deal with them more than women. But this is a separate issue, and in 99% of letters about defaulting on the children of women claim just is not. Almost all write "he is a good father, he has been a child." Perhaps if the bad father, but still the default, here are bred without question to my column, but when a good father happens to plugging. Therefore, we are going to talk about the default, bypassing the question of children, implying that parental responsibilities of a man performs more or less. But a bad husband (at the default and does not happen in default of good men and women).
Let's take another look at how strange reincarnated gender roles in default.
Man rolling stock must be energetic, enthusiastic, and a woman is very difficult to be perceived as an attractive man languid, amorphous and lazy creature. At the same time, a man difficult to be perceived as an attractive woman aggressive, rough and demanding wife. Woman in default also change their gender role opposite, negative. The default is fast breaks libidioznoy connection couple, their attraction to each other, and thereby further increases the fracture.
The realization of all that I have written may help a little restore power connection. At the head of communications are not restored, but the right attitude, and sometimes it helps to begin to act more appropriately.
For both spouses defaulted very important to look at each other without disgust. And the - without judgment. Remember Me? On the other - without disgust (ideally - with sympathy), but for themselves - without judgment (ideally - with the understanding).
Aversion towards the other causes aggression. From the aggression of his wife becoming more irritable and impatient, while the husbands are increasingly close and build an impenetrable wall (which may one day explode, by the way) and go in complete passivity (unfortunately, yes, passive aggression directed inward, because according to the gender roles of men shall all razrulit). Reduced aversion can help wives become less irritable and less closed husbands and passive.
To do this, the wife should see the husband on the couch is not "a bag of g", not "nothingness", not a "rag" and a person who does not want to obey her commands and orders. He thus goes on strike, yes. Leave it can not because of the responsibility to the family, and because of their faith in a better, and she does not want to obey. He's not a rag, which is why he was lying on the couch and does not fulfill its team. Clear? He did not jerk, he's just a man who is not voiced his feelings to her. He is restrained and does not complain. And do not consider him weak, this shows its strength. This should be the course of the wives of reasoning. This usually helps ease irritation and her husband start a little respect.
How ought men to perceive women screaming and raging? No way, not as power-hungry bitch. This will increase the default. We need to understand that a woman screaming and sticks to her husband, because this is where she sees her protection and support, otherwise in on itself. She is in my heart believes it stronger than it, so shouts and demands, as a child requires parents. A teenager may have to withdraw into himself, he was disappointed in the parent. But the baby is crying and asks. And a woman. Men need to understand that a woman isteryaschaya acts not as his mistress, but on the contrary, extends her hands to him for help. This understanding helps many men to look at his wife with sympathy and stop it from closing, to weaken the defense.
If the women's side there is a little respect, and with the men a desire to weaken the defense, it becomes possible dialogue.
Now for the conviction itself. You can not condemn yourself. No blanch, constantly throwing everything on the partner responsibility (it is meaningless), nor to condemn it as meaningless. You just have to see what you're doing wrong and try to do otherwise. Condemnation is very harmful because it causes self-esteem drop, stress, and the desire to find guilty in the other. Without conviction itself and the second is no longer considered guilty. Guilty do not, there are two victims. There inefficient approach, and not a crime and wine.
Just one thought sometimes it helps to get out of default: the second most do not like to live like that. The hatred that many wives have for their husbands, often due to the fact that it seems as if those "well-settled and satisfied" and they make their mind to spoil prosperity. In fact, husbands and so live in hell. No one in the world wants to live in the mode of jelly smeared on the couch, this is a very serious condition. You yourself then there have been? Such men nor regret too is not necessary (self pity better), or assume that they are in a rush. They just hit the hole, this is due to a default in marriage, with your attitude to them, including, yes, but also your default associated with their pit. It happened. Now we must try to do something, and if you do not succeed, give up.
But the husband should not think that the screaming wife kicks from power. In the tomb, they saw that kind of power. No woman likes to himself as a 'singing' bitches, almost all hate ourselves. Therefore, we must not think that women enjoy, Shpynev husbands. They despise yourself and them for it. This is the default, and no one party is not good in this state, both want to get out, but it does not mean that you can speak the second rescuer. You are in exactly the same pit, you are also in default, do not forget about it.
Therefore, do not take a position on, you immediately try to pull off the bottom. Do not tell my wife off the couch, "Let me help you be hysterical," and do not say to her husband: "Let me help you get up off the couch," better help themselves. If you - a wife, give yourself less irritated and command, and if you are a husband, help yourself to lift butt off the couch and start doing something. To begin with though, go to the gym. And then some renovation loan or something else useful for the family. The woman is just as difficult to look at-slacker husband as you find it hard to look at his wife-skandalistki.
Task
The situation of the letter. The husband and wife once, gathered in the theater. The wife has long saws brain husband that they will not go. My husband does not like theater, but I have felt guilty. The closer the play time, the less he wants to go. My wife sees it. An hour before leaving the husband starts complaining of a headache. My wife has done her hair, choose a dress she begins hysterics. She blames her husband that he is weak and dead, forever ill, not a man, and they will not go. My husband is offended. It measures the temperature he 39. His wife goes to the theater, vyzvonit girlfriend at the last moment. Man suffers alone, he does not even have medicines.
When my wife comes (after the theater went into a cafe, did not call, did not want to wake up), my husband had already called an ambulance, he made shots, got better. The next day the husband goes to his mother. By refusing to help his wife, he said that it is better to live a few months apart, "to understand yourself."
Who and how right, is to blame for this situation. Pay attention to all the details, please.
Author: Marina Komissarova
. Let's look at the situation carefully: why so distributed roles and what can be done to exit
. Just ask dismantling, discard any zhenotsentrizm (muzhetsentrizm and that the reverse side of the same). If your goal is not just pogaldet not pat yourself on all the places, but really to find a way out of the problem, you can not blame all over the second side, it is impossible to shield himself. And entirely the responsibility can not be taken too. It is necessary to see the problem on both sides, and then see what can be output. I'm not sorry, women, when you heap praise on each other in the kitchen at girlfriends and criticize men if it relieves stress (and the wives of men - in the bath).
The first thing to understand.
The default for both frustrating and disappointing experience, both similar. But usually they behave in accordance with the gender roles.
And that's because a miracle. Women think that gender role of men - to be an active, business, initiative, and in default he is passive, bezdelny, apathetic and amforfny. What is there gender role?
This is a real gender Actor simply default '.
Why yelling and frantic woman?
Because she is convinced that her husband should move, earn more, to produce goods, as well as all sorts of different fun. She could not lie quietly on the couch, it should knock out of the debtor that he must. Must. He promised (as it seems). Active women is not aimed at obtaining benefits, and fucking her husband, she is trying to extract benefits by kicking him. Here he is tired from kicking, get up and go get the good, she thinks. And it's not about subsistence minimum, the majority of men it is still lacking, and those blessings that make life pleasant: on trips, the new furniture, the campaigns in cafes and cinema. In general, the activity of some kind, which is waiting for his wife, a male initiatives that will make her married life pleasant. Gschert on the couch she does not need. No, it is not going to make a foreign trip itself, does not organize the event, and when it still makes and organizes, the hollows of her husband even stronger, and for what it does not do anything, because she had to. The double volume he ogrebaet.
Why is gender passivity default husbands?
And the fact that they beat good as if not from anyone. Well, they can sometimes yell that soup poor or no sex, but often do not dare, because they go back a mandatory "and you bought a good meat for a good soup?" And "you yourself can not do anything about sex." To the regret not listening to, it is better to remain silent. Embossing of wife good gender role does not allow it to require the activity to insist that she made his life bright and happy, most men do not dare. Therefore, they are silent, and lie on the couch with noutom. Life is worthless, no strength, and ask not with anyone, except that on the internet with someone who is there today is not right. But not with his wife.
The moment I let the children until I touch it, okay? Children - really a general duty of spouses, and deal with them more than women. But this is a separate issue, and in 99% of letters about defaulting on the children of women claim just is not. Almost all write "he is a good father, he has been a child." Perhaps if the bad father, but still the default, here are bred without question to my column, but when a good father happens to plugging. Therefore, we are going to talk about the default, bypassing the question of children, implying that parental responsibilities of a man performs more or less. But a bad husband (at the default and does not happen in default of good men and women).
Let's take another look at how strange reincarnated gender roles in default.
Man rolling stock must be energetic, enthusiastic, and a woman is very difficult to be perceived as an attractive man languid, amorphous and lazy creature. At the same time, a man difficult to be perceived as an attractive woman aggressive, rough and demanding wife. Woman in default also change their gender role opposite, negative. The default is fast breaks libidioznoy connection couple, their attraction to each other, and thereby further increases the fracture.
The realization of all that I have written may help a little restore power connection. At the head of communications are not restored, but the right attitude, and sometimes it helps to begin to act more appropriately.
For both spouses defaulted very important to look at each other without disgust. And the - without judgment. Remember Me? On the other - without disgust (ideally - with sympathy), but for themselves - without judgment (ideally - with the understanding).
Aversion towards the other causes aggression. From the aggression of his wife becoming more irritable and impatient, while the husbands are increasingly close and build an impenetrable wall (which may one day explode, by the way) and go in complete passivity (unfortunately, yes, passive aggression directed inward, because according to the gender roles of men shall all razrulit). Reduced aversion can help wives become less irritable and less closed husbands and passive.
To do this, the wife should see the husband on the couch is not "a bag of g", not "nothingness", not a "rag" and a person who does not want to obey her commands and orders. He thus goes on strike, yes. Leave it can not because of the responsibility to the family, and because of their faith in a better, and she does not want to obey. He's not a rag, which is why he was lying on the couch and does not fulfill its team. Clear? He did not jerk, he's just a man who is not voiced his feelings to her. He is restrained and does not complain. And do not consider him weak, this shows its strength. This should be the course of the wives of reasoning. This usually helps ease irritation and her husband start a little respect.
How ought men to perceive women screaming and raging? No way, not as power-hungry bitch. This will increase the default. We need to understand that a woman screaming and sticks to her husband, because this is where she sees her protection and support, otherwise in on itself. She is in my heart believes it stronger than it, so shouts and demands, as a child requires parents. A teenager may have to withdraw into himself, he was disappointed in the parent. But the baby is crying and asks. And a woman. Men need to understand that a woman isteryaschaya acts not as his mistress, but on the contrary, extends her hands to him for help. This understanding helps many men to look at his wife with sympathy and stop it from closing, to weaken the defense.
If the women's side there is a little respect, and with the men a desire to weaken the defense, it becomes possible dialogue.
Now for the conviction itself. You can not condemn yourself. No blanch, constantly throwing everything on the partner responsibility (it is meaningless), nor to condemn it as meaningless. You just have to see what you're doing wrong and try to do otherwise. Condemnation is very harmful because it causes self-esteem drop, stress, and the desire to find guilty in the other. Without conviction itself and the second is no longer considered guilty. Guilty do not, there are two victims. There inefficient approach, and not a crime and wine.
Just one thought sometimes it helps to get out of default: the second most do not like to live like that. The hatred that many wives have for their husbands, often due to the fact that it seems as if those "well-settled and satisfied" and they make their mind to spoil prosperity. In fact, husbands and so live in hell. No one in the world wants to live in the mode of jelly smeared on the couch, this is a very serious condition. You yourself then there have been? Such men nor regret too is not necessary (self pity better), or assume that they are in a rush. They just hit the hole, this is due to a default in marriage, with your attitude to them, including, yes, but also your default associated with their pit. It happened. Now we must try to do something, and if you do not succeed, give up.
But the husband should not think that the screaming wife kicks from power. In the tomb, they saw that kind of power. No woman likes to himself as a 'singing' bitches, almost all hate ourselves. Therefore, we must not think that women enjoy, Shpynev husbands. They despise yourself and them for it. This is the default, and no one party is not good in this state, both want to get out, but it does not mean that you can speak the second rescuer. You are in exactly the same pit, you are also in default, do not forget about it.
Therefore, do not take a position on, you immediately try to pull off the bottom. Do not tell my wife off the couch, "Let me help you be hysterical," and do not say to her husband: "Let me help you get up off the couch," better help themselves. If you - a wife, give yourself less irritated and command, and if you are a husband, help yourself to lift butt off the couch and start doing something. To begin with though, go to the gym. And then some renovation loan or something else useful for the family. The woman is just as difficult to look at-slacker husband as you find it hard to look at his wife-skandalistki.
Task
The situation of the letter. The husband and wife once, gathered in the theater. The wife has long saws brain husband that they will not go. My husband does not like theater, but I have felt guilty. The closer the play time, the less he wants to go. My wife sees it. An hour before leaving the husband starts complaining of a headache. My wife has done her hair, choose a dress she begins hysterics. She blames her husband that he is weak and dead, forever ill, not a man, and they will not go. My husband is offended. It measures the temperature he 39. His wife goes to the theater, vyzvonit girlfriend at the last moment. Man suffers alone, he does not even have medicines.
When my wife comes (after the theater went into a cafe, did not call, did not want to wake up), my husband had already called an ambulance, he made shots, got better. The next day the husband goes to his mother. By refusing to help his wife, he said that it is better to live a few months apart, "to understand yourself."
Who and how right, is to blame for this situation. Pay attention to all the details, please.
Author: Marina Komissarova
