As investments increase the love Bashny.Net

The themes of tongs in the relationship is constantly POPs up the myth that the attachments, even the extended irons, increase the love of the depositor.

If the myth lives on, so what he feeds. Let's see what.

There are three types of attachments.

1. The investment made for fun

Here is the most valuable investment. They are made for very high investments. They only come when there is love. And Yes, they increase the love of the depositor, especially if accepted... not fully (or partially kompensiruet at once).

It – gifts that are made for the pleasure of seeing on the other side joy. Is any concern, when it is the pleasure of belonging to man. Is – any steps towards convergence, when convergence is very desirable, and so each step is high.

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In General, all attachments which purpose engaging in the process of investment.

(This includes attachments that are made to reduce panic and fear of loss, the investment achieved a sense of euphoria and relief from anxiety, literally endorfiny high. This investment addicts and they especially increase addicted to love, the effect is narcotic, and the subspecies then I will write separately)

2. The investment made for the benefit

It – gifts that are made in order to obtain the location and use. This is a concern, the aim of which is to get something useful in return. These are the steps to convergence, when the convergence there is some specific goal.

In General, all attachments which aim at obtaining some kind of utilitarian benefit to themselves.

3. The investment made under pressure and threat

These are gifts that extorted, and myself, to avoid scandal, resentment, accusations. This concern, which is extruded through resistance and denial. These are the steps to convergence, which is easier to do than to removal of the brain and guilt.

In General, it's all investments, in order to avoid conflict. That is the tongs. Or a rolling pin.

So, the love of the depositor generally increases from the 1st of attachments (done on their own for fun).

Sometimes the love of the investor increases from the 2-nd type of investment (made in order to receive benefits). But 2nd attachments sometimes love saver and reduces. If there is a disappointment in benefits, for example.

As for the 3 attachments (made under pressure and threat), this type of investment always reduces love to the depositor.

The increase or decrease of love from investments depends on the traits of the addressee of investments.

The Association is the neural connection. If something is something associated, so between this and that there's a neural connection that pulses from one neuron do to another. Hence, it turns out that the flow of neuronal current.

In the 1st attachment the recipient is associated with pleasure. Between neurons, creating the image of the destination and the neurons responsible for the buzz is the connection. And the more this connection between the image of the beloved and pleasure, the stronger and more stable flow of attraction to him.

In the 2nd attachment, the recipient associated with the benefit. Here is the connection between the buzz and the image of the addressee is mediated, flow not so free and not so direct, but the pulses. The benefits can be high, and the recipient brings some benefit, and such a complex, indirect, but still the relationship between the image recipient and pleasure exist.

But if attachments are knocked out with a rolling pin and stretch with the tongs, that is, with 3 attachments, the image of the destination becomes associated with fear and avoidance of feelings of guilt. This is an enemy with the whip, which the poor man has to pay tribute to whip him less concerned. The more often the threat of the whip, the more the recipient becomes an enemy. One day, it simply overthrown or flee. No flow of desire in response to the whip is not! The pain does not cause attraction!

Let's see how this is implemented in life.

Let's say a man likes a woman and he chooses the best restaurant.

If the woman likes him very much, he chooses a restaurant that, in his opinion, meets his lover, a very romantic mood. He thinks that she too will be pleased, maybe she will be surprised that much of this exciting idea I want to choose the restaurant as best as possible.

If a woman is modest in his choice, he will be upset. He wanted to make it pleasant. But if a woman treats him with love, not with indifference, he thinks that her savings can take care of him. Tenderness will be more, he wants to invest more, and so she did not even think to refuse. That is, the interest that he wanted to invest, and it had not taken due care of it, grow up, and he will invest more and more. So out of love becomes more strong and deep love.

If a woman ordered all the most expensive, the man would be very happy. However, the growth of his love may not be. His love can not go in love, if so it will be constantly. It took a little more than he wanted to invest, and although he was not sorry, he is in love, but there remains potential energy per increment of the stream all was spent, and perhaps even surpluses.

Now imagine that the woman, though like the man, but he wasn't in love. He wants to from her sex, he needs to receive its recognition for the sake of self-assertion, but he thinks rather utilitarian, he is guided by reason and benefits not covered by the senses enough to get a buzz from the process of investment. It is configured to extract a specific use.

In this case, he can also choose the restaurant better, because is afraid that another woman will not be arranged for him. But still he will think, and whether to save. It may hint him that in a bad restaurant will not go and do not respect greedy and poor men. This it kind of puts man terms: to be with you, if you enough to invest.

Here about such investments-usually when women say that pulling attachments increase the love. Sometimes Yes! It's scoring rates, it is a condition of sale, the law of trade, expensive goods is more valuable, but only if the quality is also good. A man willing to spend money on restaurant, not getting from spending any pleasure, quite the contrary, but hoping that the woman he is will pay: she will have sex with him, love him, become his permanent mistress. So he invested.

However, such investments can enhance love when the profit is good, but may reduce the love when someone is disappointed, that is, soberly compares the price and quality of the service received and understands that could get cheaper and better.

In this case, the flow of his affection is interrupted. There is no benefit, therefore no indirect kicks from the woman. Spent on it it is unprofitable, on the contrary is ruinous.

And here, look, please, that often turns.

A woman sees that to invest as early a man does not want. He no longer calls it in restaurants, fills up with flowers, do not fall asleep with compliments. He behaves stingily. But if she had already become attached, she has no alternatives, she likes him more than others, much more than others, and then she thinks, and I'm not too broke to afford the price? Well, not a Queen I will do without restaurants and without flowers, in General, make him dinner and get him to come.

Indeed, in such circumstances, a man may want to continue the relationship. And it can even be used if before it was repelled by the point of commercialism and coldness of women, and now, seeing that she is in love and ready, he can start treating her warm and open. Sometimes it just happens. However, it often happens that the cooling already klagemauer men grows, a woman clings to and dumping more and more, and the man in the end does not want her on any terms. Buzz = zero. That is, even the time spent is not worth it.

So take the attachment of the 2nd type is a rather carefully, the extra pull is not worth it. But some put conditions if they are fair and depend on them your self-esteem.

For example, "no, I will not go to you on the subway in the evening, if you are unable to come after me, let's postpone the meeting". Or "no, it's too late now, if you want so much to see me, call in advance, not the night."

When your side is the request ("come", "I want to see you right now") you can voice conditions. Those who believe fair.

This is not the tongs! You within its borders. Request to you, and you just called the condition under which you care to respond to this request.

These forceps are pulling attachments 3-th type.

If the person is embedded, to get the carrot, it's OK (though he himself was a pleasure to invest, this is a dynamic balance, and a carrot – it is a tendency to default). But if a person is invested, not to get you a whip, it's a real default or your disadvantage.

So if you tell the person "I want to get drunk in the trash here in this here fancy restaurant" — and he expressed an active willingness to pay, that's nothing. But if you came to the restaurant without conditions, people had high hopes that you will humble yourself or pay sanego yourself, and you drank two bottles of French champagne at his expense, he is sour, but is forced to shell out, be sure he looks at you with hostility. He didn't want to spend it, but is afraid that you will ridicule in front of friends. It pays not to because wants something from you, and because he's afraid that otherwise you flamed him.

The same applies to situation when you ask for them to send a cab for you, because you have no money, and on the street too dark. One thing he calls you and you tell him "taxi", it's all right (although again, it's not super, loved enough, he would offer maximum convenience, would not have to impose conditions) but if he anywhere does not call, do not want and is not asking you, you asking him and he is afraid to face the beast, he crosses through it, you become repulsive figure.

That is, the attachment-terms, when that party has a request for something, it is a transitional degree, it is normal in certain situations, for example, in the beginning of the relationship when the man asks "can I come and see you?"and you say "no restaurant challenge". Politefully... well, it's certainly an option, but if a man is worth you some time to try to build it, in the hope that it will be respected.

But look carefully to themselves not to begin to ask and demand. Let them ask you! You're just voicing condition. Do not ask and do not run with forceps. Then there is a chance to steer to dynamic balance. Otherwise it turns into option # 3 immediately. And so you're going to default.

You need to strive, of course, option # 1. It is important not to take more than a man wants to give, but in any case not to lose self-esteem.

You should be taboo to you condescendingly used polyuranodon. Could not interested in, then you should leave. No need to wait. Pulling attachments forceps useless. To set conditions for some time — Yes, but it is possible if the interest in him is still there. And then the question is, will grow whether its interest to a strong desire. If the conditions are too hard, it is unlikely. But if you don't respect yourself, the more there is the slightest chance that the attraction will grow.  published  

Author: Marina Komissarova

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

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Source: evo-lutio.livejournal.com/242874.html