You know the feeling of "NOT"?

Each of us from time to time realizes that he was in a terrible place. Or at least inappropriate.

Perhaps we have to admit that we built the wrong career. Or confused about the relationship, which no longer wish to tolerate. Or we do the opposite with their values. Or have we fallen into addiction. Or pretend we were other people.

At this moment we are with you not even having fun. Rather — terrible.
I call it feeling "wrong".





Because at this moment the only thing I can think of is: "NOT IT!".
Sometimes more than anything in a head did not come.

Something inside breaks out and shouts: "wrong!".
Your body echoed: "Not".
Your heart supports: "Not".
Your soul screams out "wrong!".

But your rational mind could not accept. Because you'd have to change something. And plan B has been developed. You only have one life. Only one work. Only one spouse. The only apartment. Your mind wisely replied: "Well, not that perfect, but nothing else, so I have to accept". You have no idea, for whatever reason, fell into this trap... and even less knowledge about how to get out of it.

Your mind is calm: "We need to stop panicking and accept. That's all there is".

But your body, your heart, your soul won't listen. In chorus they repeat: "Not... not what...".

Perhaps the most daring of my friends are those people who have managed to say out loud, not having a prepared plan of action.

They came from difficult situations, not knowing whether in the future the situation easier.
They looked at my life and admitted: "I don't know how my ideal life, but certainly NOT SO".And left.

One of my friends got divorced and returned to your child's room in the parental home. It condemned all the neighbors, and she slowly built themselves a new life. Everyone said, "If he's not you, then who do you need?". She didn't know what to say. But she told herself that ending the marriage was NOT what she needed.

My other friend left her husband with three children — without financial support — and settled in a tiny apartment with a single bed. She also created a new life for themselves. In poverty, in fear, in loneliness. But in full accordance with the internal voice that was screaming: "NO!".

I think about my friends who have quit to nowhere. Because they heard an internal "Not".

I think about my friends throwing a University instead of having to convince themselves that they are still interested. They lost a scholarship, they worked at McDonalds, while the rest received diplomas. They could not decide what to do next. But the relief came at the moment when they ceased to resist the feeling of "wrong."

I think about a friend who took kids from Sunday school at one point because she was tired from a hard relationship and even condemnation coming from the head of this particular Church. Yes, it was her Church. Yeah, she's used to people. But to be in this building she could no longer. The only thing she heard is the word "Not". She took the children by the hand and went out into the fresh air.

From a rational point of view it would be insane to refuse from habitual, conscientious, quality of life and jump into the unknown. No healthy person will not suggest you to jump without a solid plan in his sleeve. We all need certainty and stability.

And yet...

And still.

If you pretend not to hear your "Not" you have to stay with "Not".
Don't need to know what you want to understand that you just do not want.

The courage to utter those two little words.

And then what?
I don't know. And you don't know. Nobody knows.
Perhaps something better. Maybe worse. But whatever it is... it's not.published

 

Author: Liz Gilbert

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

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Source: anotherindianwinter.tumblr.com/post/142463789228/nothis